1.) People who point at their wrist when asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the f**k is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2.) People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3.) When people say "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too!" F**king right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4.) When people say "It's always the last place you look." Of course it is! Why the f**k would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5.) When people say, while watching a film "Did you see that?" No, tosser. I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f**king floor.

6.) People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7.) When something is "New and improved!" - which is it? If it's new then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement then there must have been something before it.

8.) When people say "Life is too short." What the f**k?! Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f**king does!!! What can you do that's longer?

9.) When you are waiting for the bus, and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here knobhead?

10.) People who say things like "My eyes aren't what they used to be." So what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?

11.) When you are eating something and someone asks "Is that nice?" No it's really revolting. I always eat stuff I hate.

12.) People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks. That's an image I really didn't need.

13.) McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering. It has to be a McChicken Sandwich. Just a Chicken Sandwich gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f**king McTosser.

14.) When you're involved in an accident and someone asks "Are you alright?" Yes, fine thanks. I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

those were a blast to read. keep sending more like it, it brightened my afternoon!

those were good, but i have to add one more....


when someone says he died of an unexpected heart attack.. no ****.. you mean he wasnt expecting it.. sorry Bob I would love to go golfing today but i ma expecting a heart attack at noon so i need to stay home.