in a relationship..

there's a couple who is almost perfect there relationship is mutual they understand each other decision and there opinion

but why they end up fighting... every little mistakes makes it bigger until they broke up.. for many years they stay as it is..they dont end up together...

maybe mutual relationship is not an ideal...

They end up because they don't understand each other now. Maybe they try to fix things but when they realize that its still the same, they still argue the same problem or recall the past conflict, thats the reason why some of the relationship don't last though the feeling is mutual. Maybe they are not meant for each other.

People grow and change, perhaps as they grow they might realize they want different things.
Arguments or fights usually happen. Its never a smooth sailing ship, but mutual respect, care, understanding & maturity can help along with mutual sacrifices to be together.
You can fight for your love, to be with your love but if that loves one sided you alone in the battle field. If the hearts empty it doesn't matter whats in the mind

I'm not all that sure myself, that people end up fighting and splitting because they changed.

From what I've seen and experienced, it's more that they had wrong, or different ideas about what the relationship was going to be about, from the very beginning.

There are lots of little mini-concepts that people have for what they expect from each other.

Some people who declare a formal relationship (married or not), expect that because they made things official, that now the other person was going to automatically dedicate themselves to adjusting and changing all the little things that they had put up with or overlooked during the "courtship" period.

Some people expect to immediately switch from what they were doing with their lives before, to playing out a replica life, similar to their parents or some other couple which they have come to idolize.

Whatever those expectations were, when each person finds out that reality DOESN'T follow scripts, they have to decide what to do. The people who spend their time fussing and fighting, and eventually dump their mates, usually never had the idea that the relationship was a voyage of discovery and of dedication, they always thought it was more like choosing a car to buy, with warranties and guarantees, and a complaints center.

IN the beginning everything is perfect.. That is the honeymoon stage, then reality steps in and well the "real" people start emerging.

The incompatibilities start to show and disagreements begin.. If this couple can't learn the art of compromise they will part hopefully sooner than later, since all it can do is bring heartbreak.

As opposed to what alternative?
"Mutual" means they both agree to it, they both wanted to be there.
If a relationship wasn't mutual, wasn't reciprocated, it would mean at least one person either didn't want to be there or didn't care.

Are you talking about the idea of an arranged marriage/relationship vs. personal choice in marriage/relationships?

Or do you believe there is potentially an "ideal" where no one ever fights, they just wallow in emotional bliss and "love" nirvana all the time?


Depends on what you want to believe.
- the "perfect" seeming relationship was never perfect, just a facade for the sake of their friends and family.

- the relationship wasn't going anywhere in terms of procreation purposes so was not biologically supported.
- they're human and fallible and prone to react to stress.

- they didn't want to be in a relationship, there was just too much social pressure to be in one and they sabotaged it to get out of it having fulfilled the barest social mandates of trying

- increasing external stresses like from jobs, finances, family, that were then taken out on each other.

- lack of sleep.

- their relationship up until that point never faced adversity so they never truly knew each other, their real selves came out in a crisis, and they didn't know how else to deal with the stress.

- their friends and family paid lip service to how great it was, but tried to indirectly sabotage it believing it wasn't right or they were jealous, the couple picked up on all the indirect communication, and social pressure pushed them to kill it believing it's what others wanted/expected.

- they understood each others opinions and decisions but didn't respect them and they hit a tipping point where it couldn't be accepted or ignored.

- they were taught how to be loving and supportive and have a perfect relationship but were never taught how to handle adversity as a team.

- too much forced group hierarchy (i.e. "I'm the king, my word is law, you always do what I say.")

- significant increase of pollutants in the air, water, and/or food affecting the parts of the brain and body producing more hormones that cause aggression and anger.

Pick one, a few, or come up with your own.

Lots of reasons why couples fight.
There is no perfect relationship.

Because we were created with the same brilliance it would take to invent a football bat.