100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Tossing Out Stale Or Limiting Relationships | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
Many of us have proactively ended relationships that were painful or traumatic to us. But have you ever decided to cut off long-term friendships, romantic ties or even family interactions that are not painful per say, but which feel stale or limiting to your growth or maximum happiness? Actually NO.. I haven't.. One of the great things about me is when I am your friend, family member, or lover I am in for the long haul. I have remained friends will all but 2 of my EX's... I may not like what someone does or feel they are toxic. I may distance myself a bit but I don't walk away. I believe all relationships evolve and grow and change. So when one is going "stale" so to speak I figure it is on a down turn for a bit of time. If it is a romantic relationship I may drift away and not talk to them for a long time doesn't mean that I am going to cut them dead when I see them again in person. Just means there is now distance and it has changed from what was to what is. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Many of us have proactively ended relationships that were painful or traumatic to us. But have you ever decided to cut off long-term friendships, romantic ties or even family interactions that are not painful per say, but which feel stale or limiting to your growth or maximum happiness? I don't have any sense of affinity with the words you chose to express this. Dump people I genuinely cared about, because the relationship is "stale?" People are not pieces of fruit. My sensibilities say that if someone is "stale," or is "limiting your maximum happiness," then you never actually thought of them as more than paid service personnel to begin with. I value people more than that, when they and I have an actual relationship. And discarding family because they aren't convenient is an anathema to me. The word toss is subjective here Igor The person who orchestrates the ending of a relationship usually has a very different perspective to the person who is on the receiving end. I have personally heard of many people who ended their relationships or friendships on the basis of them not feeling uplifted or excited anymore and not because the relationship was sinister or traumatic in any way. Some people call it growing apart or outgrowing each other or not clicking anymore. For the person who thinks like that , they dont see their ending the relationship on that basis as tossing the person or relationsgip, but for the person on the receiving end, they do often end up feeling tossed/discarded because at the end of the day ,they feel like they were released because they were no longer good enough or satisfying enough. As I mentioned to Rob, if someone has been good and loyal to me for years on end and they havent sabotaged or abused me, my loyalty and gratitude keep me bound there, even if i dont feel happy with them anymore. Releasing someone on the basis of not feeling happy (due to no fault of theirs) might be seen as inconsiderate tossing by some,.but to others , it might be seen as the human act of putting one's happiness first. And some might even ask the question, why would someone want to hold on to someone who is not happy with them on the basis that they have been good to them? I'm not labelling anything as good or bad here. I'm just presenting different sides of a very delicate situation |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Many of us have proactively ended relationships that were painful or traumatic to us. But have you ever decided to cut off long-term friendships, romantic ties or even family interactions that are not painful per say, but which feel stale or limiting to your growth or maximum happiness? I don't have any sense of affinity with the words you chose to express this. Dump people I genuinely cared about, because the relationship is "stale?" People are not pieces of fruit. My sensibilities say that if someone is "stale," or is "limiting your maximum happiness," then you never actually thought of them as more than paid service personnel to begin with. I value people more than that, when they and I have an actual relationship. And discarding family because they aren't convenient is an anathema to me. The word toss is subjective here Igor The person who orchestrates the ending of a relationship usually has a very different perspective to the person who is on the receiving end. I have personally heard of many people who ended their relationships or friendships on the basis of them not feeling uplifted or excited anymore and not because the relationship was sinister or traumatic in any way. Some people call it growing apart or outgrowing each other or not clicking anymore. For the person who thinks like that , they dont see their ending the relationship on that basis as tossing the person or relationsgip, but for the person on the receiving end, they do often end up feeling tossed/discarded because at the end of the day ,they feel like they were released because they were no longer good enough or satisfying enough. As I mentioned to Rob, if someone has been good and loyal to me for years on end and they havent sabotaged or abused me, my loyalty and gratitude keep me bound there, even if i dont feel happy with them anymore. Releasing someone on the basis of not feeling happy (due to no fault of theirs) might be seen as inconsiderate tossing by some,.but to others , it might be seen as the human act of putting one's happiness first. And some might even ask the question, why would someone want to hold on to someone who is not happy with them on the basis that they have been good to them? I'm not labelling anything as good or bad here. I'm just presenting different sides of a very delicate situation I also think it is a huge assumption that a person who ends a relationship on the basis that they are no longer happy with them means that they saw them as paid service personnel. There are people who genuinely gave and sacrificed as much as the other person did but just reached to a point where they didnt feel fulfilled with that person anymore and decided to end it , |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Unknow
on
Thu 04/28/16 09:28 AM
|
|
someone has to really be purposely annoying, or cutting me down in a surgical way to effectively do the most harm to me.... my mother did this time and time again, many years ago before I just left, without a word. yes, I forgave her even before she does this and told her so, many times before I left, but I will not put up with that kind of negative energy... I have patience and strength, and will listen to others fairly, and will not judge, but will never endure bull-Shyte of any kind, ever again. walking away is a good policy to those who just don't get it. 
Dark owl is in the house yall!!! Hiya! 
Quite a few others like yourself are describing a toxic and harmful relationship , and yes in such cases, i don't see any way out but to walk away. But im sorry you went through that darkowl. Thats very painful :( |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
hi
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
my father was an alcoholic and died from liver failure my brother is following in his footsteps I have had to break contact from him and walk away for my own sanity I actually felt a pain in my chest when you said that Tmom The journey for you to have reached that point of separation from your bro must have been gut-wrenching. I totally understand why you did what you did. I hope things turn around for him one day soon 
four times...out of the goodness of our hearts..out of respect and love for me..over the course of my 20 year marriage my now ex husband and I took my brother in when he lost a job, when his wife kicked him out, when he needed somewhere to go to get back on his feet..when he fell behind on his bills, when his health was in bad shape I give my ex credit for this one and for putting up with it for my sake.. as I said it was with good intentions, to help him to get back on his feet but it was ENABLING his behavior to continue as long as he knew his loving sister would always be his safety net our parents are both deceased and I had some kind of family obligation thing going on in my head for a long time..thinking it was my job to save him thinking I was indeed my brother's keeper You and your ex were amazing to accommodate your bro for as long as you both did. I certainly would not regret the assistance rendered to him even if it didn't bear the fruit I wanted. At least you know you did EVERYTHING within your power to give him a shot in life. The rest was up to him, and doing anymore for him than what you did, would have definitely been enabling him in his weakness. You guys made the right decisions as far as I'm concerned. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Unknow
on
Thu 04/28/16 04:00 PM
|
|
Yes, I have, although it isn't the easiest thing in the world to do. My last relationship, I knew very early on it wasn't really right. Yet I stayed 10-11 years, in spite of a lot of abuse. Family isn't easy either, as those are blood ties. Years ago I fell out with my mom, lasted for over a year, till I ended up in hospital and told my ex to contact my mother. Went through more difficult times with my mom and I ended up telling her I would sever the ties if she wouldn't stop her behaviour. But can you ever really sever such a tie? I don't think so. With a partner you can, friends too, but family ... Even when you aren't in touch, you are still related, whether you like it or not. Cutting (energetic) chords with a (close) family member is quite difficult, if not impossible. I dont know if you regretted staying in your marriage for as long as you did crystal but I respect the fact that you tried to make it work as long as you did.
As for your mom, I cant imagine what its like to even isolate yourself yourself from someone so close tonyour heart and blood. Thats so painful but as in Tmom's situation , your sanity and welfare were at stake. I dont thing there was any other choice you could reasonably make As for what you said about cutting ties with family, i know of people who did it but quite frankly ,.i cant imagine how they did it |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Many of us have proactively ended relationships that were painful or traumatic to us. But have you ever decided to cut off long-term friendships, romantic ties or even family interactions that are not painful per say, but which feel stale or limiting to your growth or maximum happiness? I have, because I'm too old to go through anymore crap, and I'm only choosing to leave him behind because it feels right. He caused something he couldn't quite finish, so I ended the friendship with him. I have no time for time wasters. |
|
|
|
|
