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| Topic: Will You Come With Me | |
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Will you stay with me forever in this land of hell
To share the pain trickling down into this insidious well The water burns through skin and leaves behind the remains of a decomposed smell Forever lingering on the edge of sanity is where my thoughts dwell I am a hardened man and yet I’ve been casted into the molds of a fragile shell And here lies the cries of my heart ripped apart from the light and into darkness from which I fell |
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Remove the last few words from EVERY line and it reads much better.
Forced rhymes are both unnecessary, contrived, and ugly. You have something potentially good. |
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