Regardless of the reason why cheating happens , let us start being wise to the reality that no couple is immune to the possibility of infidelity no matter how strong they assume their love is.

After my divorce i made many new friends , and what i learned in the capacity of friend, is that some of these guys were pursuing other women behind their partners back , and when I aggressively condemned their behavior, they offered up a number of excuses, which disturb me to this day.

1. Oh.This is not an affair. Its only sex. Im not in love with her. Im having sex with her but my heart is with my girlfriend.

2. My girlfriend doesnt tell me about her whereabouts. Im sure she is chasing other guys too so we are even.

3. I am tired asking my partner to become what i need her to be, and she refuses to listen. Its not my fault that i had to seek satisfaction elsewhere!

4. My affairs are not hurting my girfriend. She cant be hurt by what she doesnt know.

The list goes on , and i am sure female cheaters use the same assonine excuses as well

After receiving that frightful education , i know now that it is not wise for anyone to believe that their partner is incapable of cheating because at the end of the day , too many people will always be justifying their selfish choices ,and too many people will always be flirting with situations that are conducive to infidelity.

People will always be going behind their partners back and cultivating flirtatious interactions with people of the opposite sex ,either online or offline.

People will always be working late with that one co worker when no one else is at the office.

People will always be running to their friend of the opposite sex and seeking to be consoled from the problems in their relationship.

In other words, there will always be people who are too cowardly and selfish to end their committed relationship with dignity and move on to someone else.

There will always be people insisting on enjoying the best of both worlds at their partner's expense.

All you have control over is monitoring and protecting your own faithfulness towards your partner.

You cant contol their faithfulness to you no matter how wonderfully you treat them.

Take responsibility for your faithfulness only.

And if you do discover infidelity in your mate, make the adult decision to abandon the relationship , or stay and work on salvaging what is left of the relationship if you consider it worthwhile.

It is that simple and that complicated at the same time...

A truer synopsis has never been stated. Thank you Peggy

Thank you

If two people are truly in love with each other, they will be totally committed with their relationship. Both will be afraid to do things that will jeopardize their relationship. Some people cheat because they are dishonest, does not know how to honor commitment, selfish, no guilt feeling nor conscience, they just don't care about other's feelings and mostly are not contented with their life that they still look around for something outside their relationship. If you are not happy with your partner, don't cheat, be honest and talk about the problems and make a resolution. If it doesn't work out, then be matured enough to talk about separation or break up with mutual understanding.....let go and both find your happiness just never cheat as long as you are still committed.Cheating is still cheating no matter what excuses you have, face your problem inside the house before you create another problem outside. Don't play with anyone's feelings or emotions, you can destroy the lives of others. Honor your commitment.

All great feelings to have and I fully agree with you about them all. But people will still cheat no matter what we all believe. Why? who knows as for some of us it is beyond understanding.

Yah right, some people cheat , others doesn't have a heart to cheat someone. Well true, it is beyond undertanding, lol, coz only the cheater knows the real truth .....nobody seems to admit they cheat even if caught in the act:)

You are so right

Because people think the grass is always greener on the other side. Because they find something that their current partners are not giving them? Dont know but if they valued the relationship that much, they would never ever cheat. Cheating is by choice.

You are so right, it is by choice, but why is it?

By Choice because they chose to be such A _ _ Holes....either they are influenced by their environment, peer groups, ego (Proving to himself and to peers that He Is A Man and for the Woman proving to herself that she is still attractive, social media, televisions, movies, etc). Whatever may be their reasons, it is their choice and decision to make and face the consequences of their actions as mature adults. You have full knowledge that it is wrong but still you do it and deliberately consented to it, and so That Is It, no other lame excuses. Sometimes they say for the sake of trying a different menu...What Menu??? They are all the same sexual organs, the only difference is the feeling or ecstasy that it gives but still you can do it with your partner if you just talk it out and be open with each other of your sexual fantasies, let's not be hypocrites, we have it within us, and we are boundly obligated by marriage to spice up our sexual life to our partner, as some people say "Be A B_ _ _ CH in Bed" it's your husband/wife anyway and if your partner is giving you such openness and understanding; learn the value of appreciation coz she/he is doing it out of "Love for You" and still maintain that respect in your marriage

Selfishness, lack of confidence, inability to mentally make the choice of not allowing the temptation, and the need to feed their ego. It is ALWAYS the cheaters issue. We all can exit one relationship before accepting another. That's what I think anyway.

If both peoples love is truly strong and loyal then they should absolutely be immune. Infidlity is a choice and if it happens then I believe at least one of them didn't have the strong love that they thought.

very, very good answer to all the points of cheating.

A relationship is two way and needs both to make it work otherwise go your own way.

With all due respect BHawkins, saying that a couple is immune to the potential of infidelity is like saying that there are people in the world who are immune to the potential of drug addiction.

Almost anyone who is hooked on drugs today , never thought they would get addicted BEFORE they had their first drink or puff.

Similarly almost anyone who is a victim or perpetrator of infidelity from every century and from every country around the globe , never thought infidelity could happen to their "superior or unbreakable love"

Ironically , I suspect it is this false sense of security and invincibility in relationships that have caused people to take unwise chances , which often lead to affairs.

If a person is in a long term relationship , especially a marriage which ideally is over a 40-60 year span, there is a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE list of offenses that both partners rack up over that period of time, and there are some acts of valor in there as well.

It is commonly accepted that infidelity is the most unforgivable offense that a person can commit in a relationship, and I have no problems with that. That is a personal conviction, which people are entitled to have.

From my perspective, I have spoken to couples who at least, to my knowledge and their children's knowledge, are in a very happy and loving relationship after decades of being together.

And when I investigated the history of those 25 year -50 year unions, I learned that there had been incidents of things like infidelity, lies about finances, short-term separations, years of not having sex with each other by choice, obsessive gambling, extreme drug abuse etc.

And what I noted about those couples is that in their 20-50 year unions , they decided what parts of their history as a couple was going to define the character and direction of their long-term union.

Just like people have a choice to cheat or not to cheat, and to leave a relationship or stay in it, they also have the choice to decide what acts or offenses they will allow to define what they consider a loving or unloving marriage or a worthwhile or worthless relationship.

If a couple in their 50 year union had infidelity in their marriage and they seek counselling and fight for their marriage and go on to travel together, build a home and a harmonious family together etc, then who are we to condemn their marriage as unloving or a failure ?

Marriage or any long-term union is not a sprint to the finish line , but it is about who endures and enjoys it to the end.

And it is up to the parties involved to analyse the offences and noble acts over the course of a relationship, and to decide if the offenses committed signal the death of the relationship, or if it is considered a heartbreaking hurdle, which they can or can not overcome.

I am totally in support of the people who leave their cheating partners if they are no longer able to trust and if they can not find anything in their union worth fighting for.

What I have an issue with is the act of condemning the quality of a couple's love if they do find the strength in themselves and the qualities in their OVERALL union that are worth fighting for, and do make it to the other side stronger and more in love than before.

Such coupes are EXTREMELY RARE, but they do exist.

A disease isnt willingly accepted ...not a choice . Infidelity is. If both refuse to cheat and stick to it then yes that makes them immune. 2 people who aren't weak can resist cheating in any form. Its not that difficult ...we'll agree to disagree on this one ...if you don't take the drug then you don't get the addiction

You are 100% right in your thoughts on this matter. If more people thought this way it would be a far better place for us all.

Well said

Keep in mind that I am not trying to change your view on this.

The forum simply encourages different perspectives on things , which is why I will say the following.

You said that two people who are not weak, can resist cheating in any form right?

So my question is:-

How do you know that when you get involved with a person that they will be strong 10 years from now or even 40 years from now? How do you even know that about yourself? Don't most people think they are strong until suddenly they show signs that they are not?

I personally am challenging the basis of what people base the strength of their love, or their promises to the other person upon.

People make teary-eyed well- intentioned promises of fidelity for decades down the road , based on the love they are feeling IN THE MOMENT, and on the fact that their partner is for the most part pleasing them PRESENTLY, emotionally and otherwise.

But what about when your partner stops pleasing you for months or years at a time, or you stop doing it for them, as is the case with ALL long-term relationships, and you are juggling those failures along with stresses like miscarriages, deaths of loved ones, financial stresses, sickness etc.

What keeps a person committed when those pleasant feelings that the promises were based on are gone or subsided ?

The reason why I personally remained faithful in my 10 year relationship even when I was dissatisfied or unhappy, was because my fidelity to him was never based on whether his behaviour was desirable or not. We were human and were both falling short in some areas.

My commitment was based on a law that I try to live by, which is to treat others the way I wish to be treated , and my commitment was on working on a failing marriage, and if we couldnt succeed, we part respectfully and seek love elsewhere.

I didn't want to be cheated on ,and I know how vulnerable people are to the potential of it so I proactively created a climate in my life that wasn't conducive to affairs.

eg I didn't hang out one on one with guy friends unless my ex knew about it and even then it was in public places.

My ex knew of my whereabouts, all my male friends and my activities .

I am not saying people should conduct their relationships like me or that it will totally protect you from cheating but it helps to minimize that potential.

People take a lot of seemingly innocent chances that over time breed potential for danger and they are often not mindful of it because their focus is on everything, but their partner at that time for any number of reasons.


So to address your statement that if you don't take the drug then you don't get the addiction, just like the social drinker who over time increases his intake till it becomes problematic, there are insidious things that people do that OVER TIME in their relationships that are not wrong , but have danger attached to it, and sometimes they don't see it until disaster strikes.

And like I said before, if people base their fidelity on the good feelings they have for their partner in the moment they made a commitment to them, I don't think they stand a good chance of maintaining their fidelity in the long run.

Those feelings ebb and flow over the years. And what are people going to base their resolve for commitment on during the times of ebb?