WORDS OF WISDOM FROM FAMOUS PEOPLE

“Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.” (Sharon Stone).

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” (Courtney Cox-Arquette).

“I read somewhere that 77% of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more interested by the 23% who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.” (Jerry Garcia).

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” (Barbara Bush).

“Ah, yes, divorce. From the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” (Robin Williams).

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” (Billy Crystal).

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” (Rod Stewart).

“On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.” (Bruce Willis - on the difference between men and women).

“And God said, ‘Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.” (George Burns).

“There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.” (Henry Kissinger).

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she’s reading.” (Steve Jobs - founder of Apple Computers).

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid problem?’ (Arnold Schwarzenegger). ((Heard he actually said 'Implants' prior to being elected the Gov.)

“Things you’ll never hear a woman say: ‘My, what an attractive scrotum.’” (Patricia Arquette)

“I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a Great White Shark or a piece of seaweed touches my foot.” (Axel Rose - Guns’n’Roses).

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****.” (Jack Nicholson).

“Woman complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.” (Roseanne).

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas men are just grateful.” (Robert De Niro).

“Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” (Dustin Hoffman).

“When the sun comes up, I have morals again.” (Elizabeth Taylor).

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” (Robin Williams).