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| Topic: Women Rejecting Pick Up Lines | |
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Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK Woman: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you before GLY Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: Do you know what'd look good on you? Me. Woman: Do you know what'd look good on you? Nothing ! Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Boy: You know quickie has u And i together. Girl: Too bad ugly starts with u. Man: Your face must turn a few heads! Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs! Man: What are you looken at? Woman: Somethin ugly! Man: What do math and my dick have in common?...They're both hard for you Woman: You must be a math problem because you're annoying and difficult. I don't wanna solve your problems for you. Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?) Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter." (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.) Man: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours Woman: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me? Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time! Man: I can make your bed rock Woman: No you can't I have a Tempurpedic Guy: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Girl: "No, but I did scrape my knees a couple times crawling up from hell." Man: I've lost my phone number can I have yours? Woman: Sure, my number is 911-8473 (works better if you write it down) Man: Do you think it was fate which brought us together? Woman: Nah, it was plain bad luck! Man: Baby, your body is a wonderland! Woman: That's funny, because yours is a wasteland! Man: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? Woman: Maybe once. I never make the same mistake twice! Man: If your left leg was breakfast and your right leg was lunch, I wouldn't be able to resist snacking between meals. Woman: If your left leg was yoga and your right leg was cycling, I wouldn't be able to resist kickboxing between classes. Man: I'd go to the ends of the world for you! Woman: Okay, but would you stay there? Old Man: "Where have you been all my life?" Woman: "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet." Man: "Wow, you're tall! How's the weather up there?" Woman: "It's raining." and spit on him. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time." Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash." Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants." Woman: "No thanks. There's already one ******* in there." Man: xxAny Generic Pick Up Linexx Woman: "I like your approach, now let's see your departure." (If a girl insults you) Hey, I may not be the prettiest guy in here, but Im the only one talking to you. A man walks to a woman and says "Hey baby, do you know how I'd rearrange the alphabet?" Then the woman sighs and says "You know what I would do?" The man raises his brow and "What?" The woman smiles and says "I would put U and I as far away from each other as possible!" |
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Edited by
Frankk1950
on
Tue 11/03/15 06:25 AM
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I wish to register a complaint against the poster.These are all very sexist jokes and the poor bloke never gets a fair go.
Some great ones in there Sassy girl. Ps, don't know if I can wait another 34 years to message you. 
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I wish to register a complaint against the poster.These are all very sexist jokes and the poor bloke never gets a fair go.
Some great ones in there Sassy girl 
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Gave me a good laugh, thanks
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Gave me a good laugh, thanks
Ssshh...whisper message me, Frank1950 might see you. 
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Many of these have indeed hit home.
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Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Heard: Not as empty as the space up there (pointing toward his head) Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Heard: Detour ahead Boy: You know quickie has u And i together. Girl: Too bad ugly starts with u. Heard: If I want to be let down in record time I know where to come Man: Your face must turn a few heads! Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs! Heard: And your face just turned my stomach. Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me? Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time! Alternate: Is it open mic night at the laugh shack? Man: I can make your bed rock Woman: No you can't I have a Tempurpedic Heard: I have a water bed, and no you can't make waves. Man: Do you think it was fate which brought us together? Woman: Nah, it was plain bad luck! Heard: If fate existed I wouldn't have been here Man: Baby, your body is a wonderland! Woman: That's funny, because yours is a wasteland! Heard: Tickets to wonderland are out of your price range. Man: I'd go to the ends of the world for you! Woman: Okay, but would you stay there? Heard: I am not sure that if far enough for me. Old Man: "Where have you been all my life?" Woman: "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet." Heard: Hopefully in his (pointing to a hot guy) dreams Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Heard: How does it feel to know you will never be happy? Some of the replies I have heard over the years and one alternate ending that just came to me while reading your post. |
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Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Heard: Not as empty as the space up there (pointing toward his head) Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Heard: Detour ahead Boy: You know quickie has u And i together. Girl: Too bad ugly starts with u. Heard: If I want to be let down in record time I know where to come Man: Your face must turn a few heads! Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs! Heard: And your face just turned my stomach. Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me? Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time! Alternate: Is it open mic night at the laugh shack? Man: I can make your bed rock Woman: No you can't I have a Tempurpedic Heard: I have a water bed, and no you can't make waves. Man: Do you think it was fate which brought us together? Woman: Nah, it was plain bad luck! Heard: If fate existed I wouldn't have been here Man: Baby, your body is a wonderland! Woman: That's funny, because yours is a wasteland! Heard: Tickets to wonderland are out of your price range. Man: I'd go to the ends of the world for you! Woman: Okay, but would you stay there? Heard: I am not sure that if far enough for me. Old Man: "Where have you been all my life?" Woman: "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet." Heard: Hopefully in his (pointing to a hot guy) dreams Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Heard: How does it feel to know you will never be happy? Some of the replies I have heard over the years and one alternate ending that just came to me while reading your post. Ooouuu... List them as you can. There must be a million of them from around the world. * And I may have to start posting- anonymous & unknown, on almost all the Jokes *
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man: did it hurt...
woman (interrupting): "what? this conversation? yes it's painful" man: "would you like to dance?" woman:"uuhh not with you!" man:"come on lower your standards I did!" |
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man: did it hurt... woman (interrupting): "what? this conversation? yes it's painful" man: "would you like to dance?" woman:"uuhh not with you!" man:"come on lower your standards I did!" 
That's good |
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Loved these. Thanks for the laugh!
Man: Do you know what'd look good on you? Me. Woman: Do you know what'd look good on you? Nothing ! I have heard this one a few times. I don't think I would respond "Nothing" though 
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Women; Your old and not my type.
Man; I like it when you smile, I truly believe that is what causes the sunrise and sunset blush. Good Night. |
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