No matter how much time I put at work I seem to always not have enough. For instance; today - I put in 60 hours of work last week so this week I had a nice paycheck. But after paying nearly $300 in the electric bill with a recommended plan (actual electrical usage is $158), then finding out my cargo van has a significant gas leak and my pleasure vehicle (Wrangler Sport) needs a new u-joint - I no doubt have to get one or the other fixed. So since the Jeep U-joint "would have been" $80 to get fixed, I done that today. But.... there is always something else that supposedly needs to be repaired as well. It ends up being the passenger side front wheel bearing that is dangerously loose and ready to fall apart. So I ended up paying allot more to get that fixed. Now I won't be able to pay the house insurance (on time), Along with the LP gas bill. Barely enough to buy a few grocery items again.

One positive thing is I no longer have an auto payment to make - I own both vehicles now. I'll be saving nearly $250 per month. I got family members that keep saying "Your father passes away and you get the house - how convenient is that?" What they don't realize I also get the mortgage that comes with the house too. Plus property taxes. And since he had high medical expenses, he misses a few mortgage payments that I inevitably had to pay up for, plus the interests incurred from those unpaid payments. The electric bill is much higher in my name than it was in his. But then again he wasn't enrolled in a bunch of plans like I shouldn't have done.

And of course women don't want to go out with some guy who doesn't have his finances right. Someone who struggles week after week making ends meet. It is what it is. Sell this place might sound like the better option, but can you rent another "decent" house or an apartment for $406/month? One that has an electrified 2-stall garage and a couple outbuildings? I've been doing allot of trimming of electrical consumption by replacing the lights from incandescent to either CFL or LED. The garage light use to be a 175 watt mercury vapor light converted to a 22 watt CFL. The floodlight on the shed out back use to be 150 watt halogen, now converted to a 10 watt LED. The bathroom had two 75 watt incandescent bulbs - now has two 5 watt LED bulbs. All that adds up in savings. And because of this "Cold" summer most everyone is complaining about - my weekly electrical usages is far lower than it was this time last year. Well, last year we had a bunch of medical machines running 24/7. Keep thinking that I'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. At least my limited faith keeps me thinking that way.

Then there is the other issue, others perception. The reason why I am not initially friendly to women is all the years of getting my face pounded in from boyfriends or husbands for being simply friendly to some gal. My nose has been rearranged twice and I have issues with the jaw bone. Friendly as in saying "Hi, how are you" or carrying on a casual conversation about something. Nowadays I don't say anything unless she does first. Grant you I see allot of pretty gals - like this evening at the grocery store. Petite size gal carrying a large pack of water. It looked rather heavy for her. I could have asked her if she wanted me to carry that for her. But.... what if she is married or a boyfriend sitting in the vehicle outside? How are they going to perceive that kind gesture. Are they going to think that I am just being kind to their wife/girlfriend? Or are they going to take it as a threat that I am taking their prized trophy away from them? I am EXTREMELY cautious when it comes to meeting women. Especially when the woman has that uncomfortable look in her face as if she thinks I'm out to get her.

However, at work I have female friends, but they are all married with a family. Got one coworker I do in a way miss working with her. Though I never admit it to her. We do text occasionally. So it's not like some say - I hate women. I like a decent caring gal and would like to have someone in my life. It's a matter of breaking past through that fear factor and able to opening up. Most importantly - "TRUST", both for my sake and hers. Show her I am not some monster she sees on the local news. Rather I am a kind gentle person who does really care. I can be a good listener. I am able to cook (not great but eatable), clean house and do laundry, as well as grocery shop. So she doesn't have to wait on me hand and foot. One thing I can't do is sit around the house all day. Sure, I can sit down and watch a movie, and be a bit cuddly too if that's her thing. I don't like large crowds, no fan of loud ear damaging noise (excessively loud music/concerts) without some sort of hearing protection or drink alcoholic beverages. I like for instance; sitting on the porch listening to God's symphony taking place tonight. The field crickets, locusts, frogs, etc. As well as the soft showers pitter pattering on the leaves and roof. Though it's a bit on the foggy side tonight. We needed a nice soft showery rain for a change.

TL:DR

Things will get better for u