Are those two separate things or are you just kinda grouping them together? haha

Well normally they are seperate
But that is word for word what came out of his mouth

Gotcha. Sounds like you were in a pretty intense relationship!

I agree with this. Either way worrying about the past and things you can't control will drive you crazy.

All good thoughts and advise. Two months ago was my first real break-up. At least the first one of any significance. I was just curious how others felt.

How about creating a past? Is that destructive? Just curious.

well, if you loved her, you would be happy shes happy... otherwise it's just a self centered feeling you're having...

I tend to agree, but she keeps me hanging on and acting like she is not really happy and is interested in coming back. Her actions don't follow what she says. Hell if I know!! But I do think you might be right about being a little self centered.

my advice: let her do it and never acknowledge it... that way you have a chance at control if she does want to come back to ya... but never be mean to her, just ignore anything she does about the wishy-washy feelings she shows...

I guess it has to do with who leaves who.

My Ex was shocked when I served him papers. Had a hissy of a tantrum about it. Even though I told him exactly what I was going to do if he didn't straighten up. He just never thought I would actually do it. Surprise.

As far as what he went to next I could have cared less.

Can you enlighten me on how I can change? :)

Reflect and learn
Hmmmm what a novel concept
ya do realize how many believe happiness is.'out there' somewhere
just around the bend
and to jump from one relationship to next one always looking for this elusive prize like at bottom of.a cracket jack.box

I am seeing some things on here that sound like game playing and the need to be uber controlling....I am running away so fast that I am grateful for the time out breather to type this....

And, anyone who expects someone not to be a little self centered in a time of emotional upheaval is not someone I would want to be around for long...

it's Mingle's transfer window ... please fasten your seatbelt and get ready for the next flight !

This is why I always counsel myself, friends, colleagues, you name it everyone.. to take time to heal, before you jump into another relationship..
Time is your friend....

Years ago they used to call the newly single "Walking wounded" and I have found that to be very accurate. You want to end up on the miserable end of a rebound relations mess with someone who hasn't done their healing time.

The plight of the "walking wounded" is for another thread to discuss, but since it was inserted into this one already, I do want to point out that it's not possible to heal completely from the emotional pain of a broken relationship all by your self. It's the equivalent of trying to heal completely from a broken leg, without ever getting up and exercising on it.

As to this thread's actual subject, I've had a few breakups, and they were all extremely painful, when the relationship was meaningful to begin with.

With one, it hurt when she went with someone new quickly and easily, it hurt that she was gone, but it hurt the worst, that she found so little to value in me, that she did everything she did after, openly and directly in front of me.

With another much later, which was almost as devastating to me emotionally upon the formal break, when it did appear that she'd found someone new, I was actually pleased, at least at first. No, it wasn't that I had warm idealistic feelings of wanting her to go on to have a wonderful life, or anything as angelic as that on my part.

I was pleased, because when I found out about it, I wasn't upset. It meant that I was better off emotionally than I had feared I was.

Amusingly, when I later heard a small sub-story to the effect that part of how he won her favor was to cook for her, I was upset all over again. That was an education about myself as well.

I had literally sacrificed EVERYTHING to try to save the relationship (it was my 20 year marriage), and some guy comes along and COOKS a couple of times, and she's counting ceiling tiles?

Talk about denigrating my value as a human being AGAIN.

Hurt like hell but that fool drop me because he "fell in love" with a rich girl in Nigeria . Only messages no calls,no meets,no skypes in almost 2 years but this a serious "relationship"