Ok this is something I have a lot of experience with. Mixed professionally and very personally.

I did not lay eyes on any of my birth family for periods ranging from 18 to 46 years. I also have and adopted kid, sponsor children and worked reuniting families for over 45 years.

The advice that you don't know the whole story is very accurate in most cases. Some of the reasons are good some will break your heart or at the very least rock your foundations.

What people don't own up to is knowing the whole story very rarely brings real peace and any time you to try to have a relationship with someone there are costs and benefits. If it is a family relationship there are all kinds of emotions to be worked through and many of them are painful. Parenting is painful for both sides of the equation. Harriet Beecher Stowe says we never know the love of a parent until we become parents ourselves and I would expand that to we never know the role of a parent until we parent in their situation. It is real easy to judge from where anyone is at but until you walk several miles in their shoes you don't know what it is about. That does not mean all things are excuse able. But I will say things change over time and it is easy to fool yourself into believing something that gets you through a crisis; which family life/parenting often is.

I recommend not going into it if you are standing on shaky knees or if you have someone who clearly is in a crisis you are not equipped to handle. If drugs, alcohol, mental illness or even incarceration is involved seek a professional and confidential resource to educate you and support you through the experience.

I absolutely would not complicate the experience with alcohol, and audience , or even religious intervention because then you are dealing with outside issues and not the individual. That is not saying spending some time on your knees in soul searching isn't a good idea but failed families very rarely have a strong faith centered structure supporting it the right way and at times is exactly what tore it to pieces.

My recommendation is attempt to meet your person as a PERSON and save the "DAD" thing for some time in the future. A quiet, safe, neutral, comfortable place, you can both feel emotions without loosing complete control is preferable. Food is not a bad thing to help ease the awkward moments nor is having notes and a few pictures of things you would like to share. Keep in mind this may be a very overwhelming experience so if you can figure out a place you can withdraw and process before you have to deal with driving or some other responsibility immediately the better. ESPECIALLY vested family that going to have their own agendas. My suggestion is a off hours restaurant maybe even a hotel that has an area where you can visit in private away from your room. If money is and issue you can often find a quiet library or hospital that has and empty area you can sit and talk. I encourage both parties to agree this is not a one shot deal and to limit the meeting to and hour or so. Generally it is and exhausting even if happy event.

Last but not least do your best not to make promises you may later not want to keep. Exchange a cell phone number or a PO. Box address and wait until all the emotions and facts settle out before you bring this person into your personal world. Sometimes it is good but sadly some times it is very bad.

There are extensive networks of reunited families and a great deal of good literature on the subject. Troy Dun is one of the more well known in the field from TV so it would be a good place to do a "search" for information as would your local Mental Health center. Not everything Mental Health centers offer the public is about life situations is to be negative or cure anyone but to help give them the information and support to get through "stuff" in a good way.

Good Luck.

Situation is different at least for my sake.

Hope yours will get a better outcome.

Best of luck. :)

AtWaterSign posted >>>
Hi you folks,just want to let you guys know that I finally called my paps,I took you'll advice,and it went perfect,just awesome ,thank you guys so much,and happy father's day to all you fathers as well!!!!

Awwww, TY for the update; I've been wondering if/when that was going to happen and how it went!

WELL DONE, Mr.