A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy,
"Did you see what your monkey just did?!"
"No, what?"
replied the man.
"He just ate the cue ball off my table...whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,"
replied the guy,
"he eats everything in sight.
Sorry, I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff.
He finishes his drink, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey just did?", he asks. "No, what?", replies the man.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt,
pulled it out and ate it!",
said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, "
replied the man.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."

Poor monkey. I needed a good laugth.