Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Why would a man take this type of crap
SitkaRains Joined Thu 10/09/08 Posts: 17228	Tue 04/14/15 11:14 PM
I think this really messed up. A if she wanted to cut bait and be free, this isn't the 1700's women can make choices of who they want to be with. B. If and I have to say If this is all on the up and up.. the dude that she wants now should thank his lucky stars He isn't the one married to her. All I can say to him is run...forest.... run..

Charles1962150 Joined Tue 03/13/12 Posts: 3403	Wed 04/15/15 12:08 AM
Don't look for rationale, where there is none. You will only hurt yourself. It's their drama/ craziness/ dysfunction.. not yours.. Aw......come on! I'm sure Charles cares very much for this lady friend of his, and needs to keep an eye on her in case something more unpleasant happens. I would like to think I have a friend like him in times of my need.... when I am being stupid! Moreover I suspect he is in the picture somewhere #1 or #2 or #3 Aw.. come on! I have no doubt Charles cares. And in my opinion... Cares too much. * my advice was for HIS sake* You could post to some MEN that object to his involvement You're right, I do care. I've known her for a long time. Me personally, When I see a friend of mine go off the tracks this bad, I can't help but wonder what's wrong. How can a person be so sensible for years, Then just go bonkers over night and do something so irrational?

Ladywind7 Joined Sun 04/08/12 Posts: 7833	Wed 04/15/15 12:13 AM
Does she not realize she can annul the marriage if it has not been consumated?

Amelinng Joined Tue 08/12/14 Posts: 1547	Wed 04/15/15 12:20 AM
Don't look for rationale, where there is none. You will only hurt yourself. It's their drama/ craziness/ dysfunction.. not yours.. Aw......come on! I'm sure Charles cares very much for this lady friend of his, and needs to keep an eye on her in case something more unpleasant happens. I would like to think I have a friend like him in times of my need.... when I am being stupid! Moreover I suspect he is in the picture somewhere #1 or #2 or #3 Aw.. come on! I have no doubt Charles cares. And in my opinion... Cares too much. * my advice was for HIS sake* You could post to some MEN that object to his involvement You're right, I do care. I've known her for a long time. Me personally, When I see a friend of mine go off the tracks this bad, I can't help but wonder what's wrong. How can a person be so sensible for years, Then just go bonkers over night and do something so irrational? And that is what 'true' friends are for..... they stand by you even when you are stupid and gone off the edge....crazy bonkers! If you care about a friend, you don't care if you get hurt when caring and sometimes, it helps to know that a friend is still there for you in case you need to reach out in desperation.

Ladywind7 Joined Sun 04/08/12 Posts: 7833	Wed 04/15/15 04:06 AM Edited by Ladywind7 on Wed 04/15/15 04:08 AM
If the marriage has not been consummated, she can get an annulment. Hellooooo???

devildog123 Joined Mon 09/08/14 Posts: 3902	Wed 04/15/15 04:27 AM
time to get new friends.. who the hell wants to sit there and listen to that friggin soap opera

TMommy Joined Fri 05/10/13 Posts: 9850	Wed 04/15/15 05:25 AM
If the marriage has not been consummated, she can get an annulment. Hellooooo??? I expect it was consummated at least once to real him in before cutting him off

Charles1962150 Joined Tue 03/13/12 Posts: 3403	Wed 04/15/15 10:40 AM Edited by Charles1962150 on Wed 04/15/15 10:44 AM
If the marriage has not been consummated, she can get an annulment. Hellooooo??? Here is another thing I don't get, He can't. It doesn't work anymore. She is 44. He is 57. What she saw in him is beyond me. He has a really bad back from a car wreck several years ago. He takes 9!! different pills a day just to keep the pain down. With him taking so much pain medicine, well, it's not only the pain that stays down. In the state that we live in getting an annulment is almost impossible. Our state just really doesn't recognize annulment. I'm wondering if a mental problem is rearing its head? The guy she was with, he's 52. And if it wasn't for me knowing her and him I wouldn't know this, but everything works. He doesn't look 52. The guy she dumped him for, Looks like "Biker Santa" I just don't get it. To me, when they are together, They look like "before and after."

SassyEuro Joined Wed 03/11/15 Posts: 1000	Wed 04/15/15 11:58 AM
Tbh , I'm failing to see the problem here. I'm seeing this woman make a of excuses & dragging you in to her self sabotaging drama. Either she stays with the ' 9pill a day, erectile dysfunction guy. Or she leaves him. Simple as that. The ex b/f, biker Santa, either takes her back or he doesn't. Trying to figure out ' the why's' accomplishing nothing & does not really matter anyway. It just causes you drama or stress. And this lady, now had FULL attention of 3 grown men- and their heads are spinning. What is she going to do about it? She needs a plan? * rhetorical* That is ALL you can do is help her make one... if she is willing. But it doesn't sound like it.

2OLD2MESSAROUND Joined Mon 04/13/15 Posts: 1661	Wed 04/15/15 12:57 PM Edited by 2OLD2MESSAROUND on Wed 04/15/15 01:00 PM
To tell the truth, I've known her for a good while. She has always been very sensible and level-headed. As a matter of fact, a very smart woman. This just came out of the blue. She has never done anything like this before. From the best I can understand, She lost sight of her feelings for the other guy. I don't know, Just went nuts all at once. And the guy she married, He seems sorta stupid to me. Most men know, (At least I hope they do) to leave a woman alone for a little while after she breaks up with a man that she loves. I've never wanted to be "Mr Rebound" myself. So I always knew better. But, Within a couple of weeks he was all over her like a fly to poop. When she asked me what I thought, I told her to wait. This is crazy. She wouldn't listen. Now she is miserable. She gets nothing from this guy. The other guy was really good her. Paid attention to her. Tried to give her what she needed from a man. He was always there. He had his short comings. So does everybody. But he was good to her. She said that every night for the year they were together he would cuddle up with her and talk to her. He gave her understanding. The guy she is with now, Every night, He just rolls over and goes to sleep. Doesn't talk to her or come close to spending the kind of time with her the other guy did. Now she wants the other one back. But can't get free. She can't afford it. "Lots of bills to pay" Now she is backed into a corner that he will not let her out of. And he has the money from what I'm told. I don't understand it myself. If a woman told me that she loved another man better than me, that she missed the other man and wanted him back, Who am I to stand in the way? I would tell her to go for it. I wouldn't hang in that. As far as religious beliefs go, I don't think God will hold against a man for getting out of a mistake of a marriage. Oh...BUDDY --- BEWARE; there is a whole lot of B S between what is REALLY going on behind those closed doors and what that 'LADY' is telling you so you'll lend her a KIND EAR

Estelle79 Joined Thu 09/11/14 Posts: 1452	Wed 04/15/15 01:05 PM
The only people who can maybe understand what is going on with that drama are the people in it.

Estelle79 Joined Thu 09/11/14 Posts: 1452	Wed 04/15/15 01:10 PM
Oh...BUDDY --- BEWARE; there is a whole lot of B S between what is REALLY going on behind those closed doors and what that 'LADY' is telling you so you'll lend her a KIND EAR Some people inherited drama from birth, others fall on hard times and drama/trouble finds them...I wouldn't be so quick to judge this woman especially since it's out of character and we don't know the facts.

2OLD2MESSAROUND Joined Mon 04/13/15 Posts: 1661	Wed 04/15/15 02:47 PM Edited by 2OLD2MESSAROUND on Wed 04/15/15 02:52 PM
Oh...BUDDY --- BEWARE; there is a whole lot of B S between what is REALLY going on behind those closed doors and what that 'LADY' is telling you so you'll lend her a KIND EAR Estelle79 stated >>> Some people inherited drama from birth, others fall on hard times and drama/trouble finds them...I wouldn't be so quick to judge this woman especially since it's out of character and we don't know the facts. Rather the POINT isn't it; we're just all getting this via a 3rd party who is getting it from only 1 point of view! Very well for you to say; "I wouldn't be so quick to judge this woman"...when you really have no clue about her character either...just what we've all been told. Not my monkey - Not my circus! But it's posted here as a topic/thread for discussion and that's what the ADULTS are doing...discussing the drama of this scenario {if it's believable} and when I first read this I was thinking it was some foreign daytime soap opera! Same Genre! Seriously...

Charles1962150 Joined Tue 03/13/12 Posts: 3403	Wed 04/15/15 05:53 PM
Oh...BUDDY --- BEWARE; there is a whole lot of B S between what is REALLY going on behind those closed doors and what that 'LADY' is telling you so you'll lend her a KIND EAR Estelle79 stated >>> Some people inherited drama from birth, others fall on hard times and drama/trouble finds them...I wouldn't be so quick to judge this woman especially since it's out of character and we don't know the facts. Rather the POINT isn't it; we're just all getting this via a 3rd party who is getting it from only 1 point of view! Very well for you to say; "I wouldn't be so quick to judge this woman"...when you really have no clue about her character either...just what we've all been told. Not my monkey - Not my circus! But it's posted here as a topic/thread for discussion and that's what the ADULTS are doing...discussing the drama of this scenario {if it's believable} and when I first read this I was thinking it was some foreign daytime soap opera! Same Genre! Seriously... Well, It really happened. Your right, it is like a daytime soap. I know the woman and both men involved. We are all friends with each other. In the years that I've known her she has never let a lot of drama into her life. She never invited it in. Then all at once, Like a complete turn. Me, I don't understand what a woman of 44 would want with a man that can't do anything. At 44, a lot of women are in their prime. I guess in fairness I should tell this about her. She has had a hard life growing up. She was raped as a young girl by her dad and an uncle and his son. That's enough to mess with anybody's mind. She left NY at 18 because of it. She moved here and has made it on her own ever since. Because of what happened to her it has made it hard for her to let others love her. She doesn't let too many people get very close.

Amelinng Joined Tue 08/12/14 Posts: 1547	Wed 04/15/15 06:01 PM
Rather the POINT isn't it; we're just all getting this via a 3rd party who is getting it from only 1 point of view! Very well for you to say; "I wouldn't be so quick to judge this woman"...when you really have no clue about her character either...just what we've all been told. Not my monkey - Not my circus! But it's posted here as a topic/thread for discussion and that's what the ADULTS are doing...discussing the drama of this scenario {if it's believable} and when I first read this I was thinking it was some foreign daytime soap opera! Same Genre! Seriously... Sounds like it..... a drama! Only Charles will know if he has been fed a load of BS, as he is familiar with the 3 characters in this scenario. He has inevitably got himself into it due to his concern for his lady friend. So, regardless of what we all say, it is his call now how he wants or not to help his friend. Since she can't get an annulment, then she will need to get the $ to get the divorce when she can. But if she wants to keep her sanity, she should just leave if the marriage is a sham, and work on the divorce later when she can afford it. Either make it work..... or leave! No 2 ways about it!

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 04/15/15 06:08 PM
A lady friend of mine did something very dumb a few months back. She just came off of a relationship with a man that she had been with for almost a year. She loved him. But in a fit of stupidity and anger, kicked him out. Turned around three weeks later and married another man that she had been friends with for seven years. Now, She wants back with the man that she kicked out about five months ago. Now, as they say, "Hind site is 20/20." She can't seem to let go of the guy she kicked out. She says she is so sorry for doing what she did to him. But the guy she married will not let her go. He won't because of his religious beliefs. She has told him to his face that she doesn't love him like she does the other. She wants to be with the other. She told him she wouldn't have sex with him. She doesn't let him touch her. She doesn't even let him kiss her. But here is the real kicker. She sees the other guy as much as she can. For any reason she can find. She has got caught making out with the other guy. And even told the guy she was married to how close she came to having sex with the other guy. She wanted to really bad. The guy she married, She does anything she can think of to try to run him off. She's mean to him in all forms and fashions. She has told him to his face that she thinks he is weak. And he still will not leave. He knows that she doesn't really love him the right way. He knows her heart really belongs to the other guy. So far, with the other guy, she hasn't had sex with him. But with the guy she married not willing to let her go, It's only a matter of time till she cheats all the way. Why would a man take this crap?". a man who is too cheap to pay a divorce lawyer? lol

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 04/15/15 06:09 PM
time to get new friends.. who the hell wants to sit there and listen to that friggin soap opera and prize winning comment goes tooooo.....the hound

kc0003 Joined Fri 05/11/07 Posts: 26382	Wed 04/15/15 06:11 PM
why are you asking this question. shouldn't you be asking why she would do this to the two of them? it's almost as if you are defending her... the guy that married her thought he was entering a MARRIAGE, you know the thing that we are supposed to take a bit more serious? it's obvious to me that she doesn't, so she gets what she deserves, in the end. which should be left alone by both of these fools. (if trouble comes knocking, we can't be surprised if it enters when we open the door.)

2OLD2MESSAROUND Joined Mon 04/13/15 Posts: 1661	Wed 04/15/15 06:30 PM Edited by 2OLD2MESSAROUND on Wed 04/15/15 06:32 PM
kc0003 why are you asking this question. shouldn't you be asking why she would do this to the two of them? it's almost as if you are defending her... the guy that married her thought he was entering a MARRIAGE, you know the thing that we are supposed to take a bit more serious? it's obvious to me that she doesn't, so she gets what she deserves, in the end. which should be left alone by both of these fools. (if trouble comes knocking, we can't be surprised if it enters when we open the door.) BINGO We have another winner here! Charles1962150 Me, I don't understand what a woman of 44 would want with a man that can't do anything. Seriously...Charles; step back from all this and take a deep breath and look at yourself in the mirror!!! Does it say CHUMP up there written across that forehead? She went into it for the $$$ then figured out that it really wasn't what she could 'SETTLE FOR' and that all magically happened within weeks of her marriage and finding her MIND!!! And you keep asking; 'why she can't just leave?' Hmmm, Charles...you seem rather obtuse to what is going on and if you can't see that then all of our cutting down the forest isn't going to suddenly make it become crystal clear for you! LET IT GO AND GET OUT!!! OR stick around and enjoy the 'dog & pony show' because it's sure to get bigger & better and you may become a front seat person sworn to testify on her behalf!!!

csulbguy Joined Fri 04/10/15 Posts: 27	Wed 04/15/15 07:23 PM
Well holy crap - I can honestly say the man must honor and really love the woman, especially to tolerate that. Two things: Religion - higher state of self-awareness Marriage - the complications of ending a marriage. Other than these two things, it seems toxic for all three parties.