The pain that rages in my heart,
I live with day to day;

A sorrow deep within my soul,
That never goes away.

The smile I use to mask my pain,
Hides tears no one can see;

For the tears I shed alone at night,
Are seen by only me.


I hide behind a thin facade,
A clown on masquerade,

Seeking laughter as my balm,
In a haunting, sad parade.

Behind the makeup of the clown,
Is a shattered heart of glass;

Look deep into the eyes and see,
A pain filled, sorrowed past.


I walk through clouds of sadness,
And drift on seas of pain;

Picking up the shards of heart,
Seeking wholeness once again.

Alive in constant memory,
Across the distant miles;

There is solace for this heart,
And the key to this clown'��s smile.


And though the days are empty,
And years stretch forth in pain;

A hope, a dream is still alive!




Allison Chambers Coxsey [�2001 ~ All Rights Reserved]

Note To self:

Note To Self:

Miracles?

kaustuv as much as i enjoy the pics and poems. where did the mind teasers go?

'They' will return in 'due' time, Eric. Thanks for appreciating the pictures & poems, though!

May God bless us with the serenity to accept all those things that we cannot change in life; the courage to change all those things that we can; and the wisdom to understand the difference! Amen


[Christian Prayer]

"A Baby at Death's Door": [The Miracle Story of Ethan Stacy, By Ken Hulme]



By the time Ethan's parents took the long painful walk through the cemetery to see the place where they would bury their son, Ethan Stacy was within days of death. Ethan was already under the care of a hospice nurse. His body was rapidly shutting down.


According to Dr. Melissa Rhodes, Ethan had AML, an aggressive type of leukemia. She serves in the oncology unit at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital in Nashville, Tenn., where she was one of Ethan'�s physicians.


Ethan with AML "Children who are actually born with leukemia don't usually do very well," Dr. Rhodes says. "The best that we could offer was to put Ethan through difficult chemotherapy and still not know that he would make it through."


In fact, chemotherapy is so toxic for newborns that doctors gave Ethan's parents the option not to treat their son. After two weeks in the hospital, Chad and Mandy made the painful decision to take their son home.


"The chemo could kill him," Chad says. "There are all kinds of risks." "We came home and I remember lying in bed and praying," Mandy says. "We said, 'God, give us an answer'. We both woke up the next morning and both said, 'Nope, we're not going to put him through it'."


Most doctors at Vanderbilt supported that decision. "We figured if Ethan truly had the kind of leukemia that we felt he had, then even with full treatment he may not do well," says Dr. Rhodes. "For that reason we felt it was right to honor the family's decision."


After only a few days at home, Ethan's baby acne, which is common in newborns, had become infected. So they went back to the hospital. That's when the tumors began to show up.


"We noticed a lump in his calf," says Mandy. "We paged the doctor, and they told us that it could be a blood clot or a build up of the leukemia cells, which is called 'chloroma'."


Tumors started popping up in other places such as Ethan's feet, hands, and his forearm.


"Leukemia itself means cancer of the blood; it's a blood disease," explains Dr. Rhodes. "But in this particular kind of leukemia it can also go out into the tissues. That's what we believe was happening with Ethan. He actually had leukemia in his skin, in his hands, his feet, and his legs, as well as in his liver and spleen which is more common. So he was showing that he had a very advanced disease at that point."


Ethan was now about three weeks old, and his condition really started to decline. He stopped eating and began to experience sleep 'apnea'.


"The nurse told me that he might develop what's called 'sepsis', which would be a total body infection, and that he would go peacefully or he might hemorrhage," Mandy recalls. "I would see blood in his diaper or maybe coming out of his ears. I was so scared to open up his diaper to even change it."


When the hospice nurse arrived, Chad and Mandy knew they were near the end but Chad, Mandy and their friends continued to pray; believing God for the impossible.


"I remember rocking him and singing, 'Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. I want to see you'," Mandy says. "I knew that if I just focused my mind on Christ that's the only way that I could make it through."


The night that Ethan faced his greatest medical crisis, something happened. "Mandy late that night started feeding, and he started taking his bottle a little bit at a time," Chad says.


The next day, Ethan was a little stronger; But was he having one final rebound before death?


Mandy says, "I remember sitting at the kitchen table and saying, 'I believe God's healing him. I can see God working.' Then he just gradually started getting better. And over the next week, we were back up to six ounces of formula every three hours."


Over the next two weeks, Ethan improved! And when Mandy took him back to Vanderbilt to check his blood counts? "His platelets level was like 415,000 in normal range, where it had been 39,000 at his lowest point."


This stumped Dr. Rhodes and her colleagues. "Ethan had gotten about as sick as a baby could possibly get and then spontaneously got better. So we wanted to look. We did the bone marrow test, which showed no evidence of leukemia. The tumors gradually went down over a period of probably a week or so. It was just remarkable to witness it."


Chad and Mandy knew they had witnessed a miracle when they repeated the bone marrow biopsy in July with the same results.


Today, Ethan Stacy is a strapping two-year-old, who loves playing with his dad and big sister Kaylee. It goes without saying that the Stacys are thankful.


"The prayers of my friends and church members meant everything to me," Chad says.


Mandy agrees. "It's just awesome that we have a God like that; I just can't get over the miracles. I can't wait to see what God has in store for him because I know it's going to be big."


Can God change your life?

God has made it possible for you to know Him and experience an amazing change in your own life. Discover how you can find peace with God!

'The Power of Positive Thinking' [By Remez Sasson]



Positive thinking is a mental and emotional attitude that focuses on the bright side of life and expects positive results.




A positive person anticipates happiness, health and success, and believes he or she can overcome any obstacle and difficulty.


Positive thinking is not accepted by everyone. Some, consider it as nonsense, and scoff at people who follow it, but there is a growing number of people, who accept positive thinking as a fact, and believe in its effectiveness.


It seems that this subject is gaining popularity, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it.


To use it in your life, you need more than just to be aware of its existence. You need to adopt the attitude of positive thinking in everything you do.


'How Positive Thinking Works':


[The following story illustrates how this power works:]



Allan applied for a new job, but he didn't believe he will get it, since his self-esteem was low, and he considered himself as a failure and unworthy of success.


He had a negative attitude toward himself, and therefore, believed that the other applicants were better and more qualified than him.


Allan's mind was occupied with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job, for the whole week preceding the job interview. He actually, anticipated failure.


On the day of the interview, he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shirt he planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was already too late, he went out wearing a wrinkled shirt and without eating breakfast.


During the interview, he was tense, negative, hungry and worried about his shirt. All this, distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently, he materialized his fear and did not get the job.


Jim applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way. He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the interview, he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.


In the evening before the interview, he prepared the clothes he was going to wear, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview, he woke up earlier than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the interview before the scheduled time.


Jim made a good impression and got the job.


What do we learn from these two stories? Was there any magic used?

No, everything happened in a natural way.



'Positive Thinking Is a Way of Life':


With a positive attitude we experience pleasant and happy feelings. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy, and happiness. Our whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even our health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall, our voice is more powerful, and our body language shows the way we feel.


'Positive and negative thinking are contagious':


We affect, and are affected by the people we meet, in one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through words, thoughts and feelings, and through body language.


Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people, and prefer to avoid negative ones?


People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.


Negative thoughts, words and attitude, create negative and unhappy feelings, moods and behavior. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.



'Positive Thinking Practical Instructions':



In order to turn the mind toward the positive, some inner work is required, since attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.


1. Read about this subject, think about its benefits, and persuade yourself to try it. The power of your thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping your life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange, give it a try. You have nothing to lose, but only to gain.


2. Ignore what other people say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.


3. Use your imagination to visualize only favorable and beneficial situations.


4. Use positive words in your inner dialogues, or when talking with others.


5. Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively.


6. Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it, and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. If the negative thought returns, replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you have to choose to look at one of them, and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively, and to ignore negative thoughts.


7. In case you experience inner resistance and difficulties when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.


8. It doesn't matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks. It might take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they will.


9. Another useful technique is the repetition of affirmations. This technique is similar to creative visualization, and can be used together with it.
The other articles at this website, about the power of concentration, willpower, self-discipline and peace of mind, also contribute to the development of a positive mind, and are recommended for reading and practicing.

'Healing Power of Faith' [by Harold Koenig, M.D.]




Healing can include dramatic, sudden physical cures, but is not confined to the 'miraculous' or the spectacular. Perhaps for most people, the healing power of faith involves a healing of the mind and emotions, the intangible spirit, and of relationships with others.


Faith can put physical illness beneath us, where it belongs, return dominion to us, and give us power to live victorious and fulfilling lives.


People who regularly attend church service, pray individually, and read the Bible are 40% less likely to have diastolic hypertension than those who seldom participate in these religious activities.


People who attend religious services regularly may have stronger immune systems than their less religious counterparts. Those who never or rarely attend church or synagogue tend to have the highest levels of Interleukin-6, perhaps indicating a weakened or overactive immune system.


People who attend church regularly are hospitalized less often and leave the hospital sooner than people who never or rarely participate in religious services. The deeper a person's religious faith, the less likely he or she is to be crippled by depression during and after hospitalization for physical illness.


Religious people have healthier lifestyles. According to one study, people who attend church at least weekly have about 1/3 the rate of alcohol abuse and are about 1/3 as likely to smoke those who seldom participate in congregational worship.


Religious youth show significantly lower levels of drug and alcohol abuse, premature sexual involvement, and criminal delinquency than their non-religious peers. They are also less likely to express suicidal thoughts or make actual attempts on their lives


Elderly people with a deep, personal religious faith have a stronger sense of well-being and life satisfaction than their less religious peers.


Religious people live longer and physically healthier lives than their non religious counterparts.

'Does loyalty exist anymore?' [Source: 'Anonymous']



I've been in three relationships in the past year which have ended with them cheating on me. I'm attentive, caring, intelligent, thoughtful, yet decisive and independent. I'm confident about my performance in relationships and have never gotten a complaint about anything. The only successful relationship (until we parted ways due to distance) I've had was with someone 9 years older than me and I've always been told to date someone older. My question is this; are most people in their late teens to early twenties (I'm 21 and just got out of a relationship with a girl who was 19.) too immature to hold a meaningful long-term relationship with someone who wants them to be happy as opposed to a 'bad-boy'?





In 'Shlei's opinion:


In my opinion yes. Most people in their late teens and early twenties.some even older than that are not looking for anything serious. Plus they are still growing up and evolving. I always wanted to believe that at the age of 18 I was all grown up. Not so. I am 25 and I am just now realizing that I had so much to learn and still do. The difference nowadays is that I have had my fun and now I am ready to mellow out and take life seriously. I don't have time to go to bars, get drunk, have one night stands, have a relationship with a guy based on the fact that we both like to drink and party. I'm not saying everyone is like this. I have dated around and I know what I am looking for. My point is, I think most people need to go out and experience in order to know what they want down the road.



What Girls Said:

My best friend is dating this guy who is two years older than her. She isn't 15 and he is going to be 18 in a couple months. They have been together for over a year and go to different schools. They have had no reason to not trust one another and are with each other very often. They definitely are happy together and anyone can tell that they are in a meaningful relationship. Most people seeing them last for a long time.

[By : 'lvrgirl']



What Guys Said:

Of course loyalty exists. and there are 18-22 year old individuals that are mature enough for long term relationships. The contradiction to that is most people in that age group are not looking to settle down. Some are and you have to find them but not everyone is worried about finding the one at that point in their life.

If you are looking for more mature girl that wants to settle than date older or look for girls going in that direction. You have time.

Also, I am not saying it is your fault but your ex-girlfriends cheated on you for their own reasons and maybe you need to find out what they are. Either you are looking at the wrong type of girls to settle down with or the girls you have been with have been looking for some sort of satisfaction that you just didn't provide.


[By: 'Money']