I have a friend.. who is contemplating walking away from his relationship..
.. he asked me for advice..lol.. big mistake..lol.... but I seriously don't know what to tell him.. there's nothing really wrong with his relationship. except for the fact that they have just drifted apart... they care for each other just not in the way they used to..... they have spent a lifetime building a life together they have 3 kids... he says there is just no more spark... he doesn't want to destroy everything , they have built together... he does not want to damage his children

it's sad when that happens... is the lack of "spark" the only reason?... it doesn't seem like something worth sacrificing everything for....

shouldn't they work on it rather than give up on it?

hit post reply prematurely..lol... with a divorce.... but he feels trapped..
. he says he doesn't want to spend what remaining.. youthful years he has left.. in a loveless relationship..
... and yes he and she have tried to work things out.... but they just are not the same people anymore...

... I can sympathize with him.. part of me says stay for the kids.... people say kids are resilient... but divorce always leaves a scar... he does not want to have an affair... but he wants to feel a connection with someone..
.. how do you walk away without destroying everything.... is.. one person's happiness worth it...hmm.
... don't know what to tell him..

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Seriously if they can afford it and they can leave the children with grandparents - they should go on a holiday just the two of them.
They should plan it together and talk about what they want to do or see when they get there.

They should see a sex therapist - things need reviving not shot in the head.......

Imo they should both take time apart. like either one going away for a lil while . Not a breakup or seperation but like a vacation to be away from each other.
it could make them appreciate each other more.
theres obviously more to it. Love cant just end between 2 people unless.....

apparently this has been a slow down hill spiral.. that has been building and going on for some time... he has now confided in me.. his wife is set in her ways.. so to speak. not willing to change or make sacrifices..
. adding to his frustration...

...

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If he's not happy where he is then leave...when the kids gets older they'll understand. ..

Or just tell him.."look at me".lol

.. a lot of us have left relationships..
. as a last resort.. because things have gotten so bad... but in this case it is just one of choice... a choice of happiness.... what do you do when your partner no longer cares about your happiness... that is they care but they don't really care..... is our own happiness more important than anything else..

.. no god no don't look at me..lol.... but that's what I'm struggling with... is being happy worth .. destroying everything...
.... part of me says yes..
. part of me says that would be selfish....

.... how do you justify putting your happiness.... above all else..
. but how do you continue to live.
.. knowing you're not as happy as you probably could be.... in a different relationship..

In a perfect world, they would stay together...however life is too short to be unhappy. Children do adjust and are sometimes better off when the parents separate and become "alive" again. If they have sincerely tried everything and this is the conclusion of that result...I say choose happiness. It would be too sad to be at the end of your days saying so many wasted years...

MAYBE HE SHOULD TRY A NEW SET OF SPARK PLUGS,,SORRY I HAVE NOTHING,,

when someone 'closes down' or appears to lose interest - there is a reason. Finding out just what is bugging them is the hard part.

He needs to be honest and tell her how he is feeling and that he is wondering if things should end.

Might shock her into action- otherwise the separate holiday idea might be worth a try- she might just miss him... or it might drive a bigger wedge between them if she thinks he has been physically unfaithful on this solo holiday .....

yes, they could go for a cool off period, just to clear their heads and examine what is really worth their priorities. be alone without so many voices telling you one thing or another and reflect on what's really worth it.

but of course.. this needs to be mutual also with things taken in the proper context... if one or the other is not on the same page with this idea or lets pride and self interest get in the way... it could end up worse...

For those lucky enough to stay together long enough to have 3 kids together, not a lot of those left nowadays, he should be thankful that they are still together spark or not. Are the kids healthy, are they healthy? Do they have jobs? Kick him in his @55 next time he brings it up and show him a picture of a child with cancer. Show him a picture of children starving. If he even fixes his mouth like he's about to say spark make him eat a set of plugs and wires.
Often the ones who complain that there's no spark or they're bored are the cause of the problem in the first place. If you don't do anything towards your relationship of course there's no spark. Relationships, marriages, especially when there are 2 or more kids involved take work. If you sit back and watch a top it will eventually stop spinning, he has to keep it going in order to get any enjoyment out of THEIR lives.

..yes.. but from what I understand... the vacation apart from each other.... probably would not make a difference.... when you have been in a long term relationship.... so much water goes under the bridge.. it becomes too hard to wade across the stream anymore.... if I can go all Zen Buddha on you..lol....

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1981.. very good..points...
. and yes there children are healthy and happy.. which makes his decision..
that more complicated.
. fundamentally it is a problem of..
. losing interest in one's partner..
for whatever the reason...

... I grew up in a neighborhood full of household just like this... people stayed..together because it was easy..
.... in the sixties.... personal happiness was non-existent.... unfortunately it's not that way today.... or fortunately..

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I think I'm just going to tell him to flip a coin.. heads or tails.. he's going to lose either way... the pursuit of happiness.... I think I will stick with being an old miserable bastard..lol.
Thanks for everybody's input..

putting your own happiness is not an act of selfishness. .there are only a few people in this world who will be 100% true to us..We should be one of them...