A few words of wisdom to tell a cop when he stops you to give you a
speeding ticket.....

Hey, aren’t you a public servant...go get me a beer.

If I get in the squad car, can I play with the lights.

Race you to the station.........

What is that?...another useless piece of paper from the state, I got
about twenty or thirty of those thing floating around in here.

Hurry up and write the dam ticket,...laquer store closes in fifteen
minutes.

From the looks of you, it seems you’ve been shaking down speeding
motorist for donut money.

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Does the shitty attitude come with the uniform or do you have to have it
before you become a cop?

Say officer, yer eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?

No,I have no idea how fast I was going. The way I was flying, you think
I'm gonna take my eyes off the road?

You must have been doing about 145 to keep up with me.

hey that's funny but I think it's funniner if the cop says "This next
question will determine if you are drunk or not....Was Mickey Mouse a
cat or a dog?"

or asks "Can you run 1900 feet per second? In case you didn't know
that's the average speed of a 9mm bullet shot through my gun."

or the ever popular "You didn't think we write tickets to beautiful
women. You're right we don't. Sign here. LOL!

I had an uncle that was a cop and he got tired of being asked about
meeting a quota every time he wrote a ticket. One day he told his desk
sergeant about it and he told him what to say next time..So about a week
later he pulls this lady over and of course the quota comment came up,
so he told her,"Oh no ma'am, they got rid of the quotas, we can write as
many tickets as we like now."

You tell the officer that you know that you were speeding just a little
bit but that you are carrying the president incognito to his
destination, and then when he looks in the back seat and says there is
no one back there, you look at him with a shocked look and say oh shit
you mean someone stole the president..

why yeth,,,ociffer,,,yer serfickly pover...
I couldn't do that if I was sober...
was trying to get home before my beer got warm...
yea maaan,you got me,,,wanna burn one?