Hello,
This is my first post here and if I have not found someone in 1,000 posts I will probably delete and move along.

I recently moved to the Gulf Coast for the weather. Last year in Pennsylvania the weather got down to -14 deg and my body said NO MORE!
Here it is November and its still shorts and tee shirts! The only issue I have is that the dead of summer is so hot and humid I got a sick feeling from it. Perhaps next summer I will be better acclimatized?

Being new to the area is an exercise in isolation for me. I'm shy and quiet unless someone actually talks to me. Aside from occasional walks on the beaches and picnics with my sons family I dont go out and do much more than shopping. Its hard to go to a restaurant by yourself - if ya know what I mean.

Aside from the weekly obligatory visit from my son I am alone. I watch a lot of movies, listen to a lot of music and sit on the front porch a lot. My only contact with people other than family is online from various forums and communities. I read a lot. If I get lonely I take a nap - I know people in my dreams and they will talk to me.

I've never been one to participate in viral fads. Never had a pet rock, not into facebook or twitter and I dont really like using phones. I refuse to perpetuate drama and conceit. I have a lot of time to ponder reality and I have the ability to see the root of a situation or the baseline personality of a person. I find that most people I see are really wrapped up in their own manifestations of what they think life is.

My isolation is self-induced. There are some benefits like less stress and drama, no responsibility to anyone except myself and my house stays clean. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Loneliness is the mental attitude where you think you need someone but being alone is just a matter of isolation. I get lonely sometimes but most of the time I keep myself entertained.

I've met women on dating sites and even lived with one for about a year. Our relationship ended in two months because we did not click as a couple but we continued to be roommates and everything was fine until she decided not to pay her part of the bills. We parted as friends but she became someone I did not want in my life. This did not jade me to online dating - only made me more careful.

Right now, I am just looking for a woman that wants to message back and forth for a bit. Eventually we can skype and continue to talk to get to know each other. When and if the time is right we could meet in real life and see how things go. Move Slow - Move Sure - Avoid Mistakes

Now since this is a forum I should put out something to ponder and discuss:
1. Isolation - We have all been thru periods of isolation, Tell me about it. How long were you isolated? What was the factor that played a part in you being no longer alone? How did you cope with the loneliness that creeps in on you?

2. Socializing - I am not a bar or a church person. I believe in God but not religions. I dont drink and I am not macho driven. Other than impersonal casual talk how do you create a possible relationship with someone you do not know? I am hesitant about offending a woman by implying that I am interested in her. What are some of the things I should or should not say?
In my youth I had no problems creating relationships because I was able to use normal dating guidelines. What are women in the 50s range interested in seeing/hearing from a man?

3. Message Replies - I am aware that many men on dating sites are driven by their sexual urges. They can be crude, cruel and insensitive. Is there a method or phrase that women will see in a message that will entice her to respond to messages? I've seen women that get offended at simple things like expressing compliments on their profile or pictures. I would never attempt to contact a woman that I didn't think was pretty. Why is stating that fact such a no-no? Do women understand that there are some men that are not driven by the urge to get their pants off?

Most dating site forums are filled with people that are jaded and crude. There are jokers that inappropriately insert their forms of humor into serious threads. I can be light-hearted and joky when the occasion warrants it. Then there are those that read and have very interesting opinions on the subject but feel oppressed or unworthy of commenting. Help me out...Is this forum for actually meeting people or just more of the same?

That's a lot of stuff to address, so I'm only going to comment on the "50+ Year-old [Self-induced/Forced] Isolation" aspect of it.

It's natural that it would be harder to meet others as we get older; while school-aged, it was EASY to meet people: we were surrounded by single, same-aged, all-sharing-the-same-goals-and-activities people, all day long.

We move on to college, and it's pretty much the same. Then, we graduate and go our separate ways, meeting new people (with a common cause) where we work, spending our free time with other people with free time (mostly singles) and we pair up. We then begin building a life, raising children, attending their school/sports functions...all with similarly-minded people, at the same point in our lives.

Then, we divorce/separate. We retire. We move. At 50+, we find ourselves in A New Place, literally and/or figuratively. And none of the old built-in avenues for meeting similarly-minded, similarly-aged, similarly-living people exist.

And, we never learned A New Way TO meet people.


You're 50+, *alone*, and in a new place. You're going to HAVE to find a new way to meet real people, in real life. What interests you? Take a class in it at the local college, join a club for it, search your local Meet-up site for the activity...~voila~...access to others who are similarly-minded, who WILL be a good match for you


or know someone who IS.

"Forced isolation" is a choice...and one that we re-choose every single minute of every single day we find *good* reasons
why It Just Is.



Best of luck to you...

Thanx mrld_ii,

There are many factors that prevent me from doing the socializing activities that are conducive to meeting new women. I think my biggest pitfall is that I am shy. I am also Gun-Shy if you can understand that.

My personality has been more a personal, one to one thing, than a stage or arena. I am not comfortable in crowds anymore and I have no idea how to act in todays world. It seems everyone is always on the phone? I can't bring myself to just butt into their lives.

I am on here because I want new people in my life but I need to meet them and determine their worthiness first. I know that sounds bad but my experience with friendships have been less than desirable.

I have many interests, probably way too many for some people.
Have a look:
http://www.pinterest.com/tomishereagain/

I feel like my reply is all negative but you should understand that I appreciate your comment and I do understand what you are saying. All things that I have already considered.

Aside from possibly meeting someone on a dating site I feel that the only way I will meet someone is if they come into my life from an association with someone I already know. Once they get to know me I and I them there is a better chance. Problem is, The friends my son knows are all young-ins.

We do picnics at the parks and I have tried to talk with women but it seems they are all too busy. I feel like I am imposing.

Thank You for the well-wishes and may you find someone special yourself!

You know Tom, you say you have many interests. So there should be talks, demonstrations, and seminars of topics that interest you.

Socializing is important to woman and sharing a common interest may lead to more common interests. You really have to get out of your box and make yourself available or you won't find anyone.

I wish you the best in moving forward.

Hi Tom,

From a fellow guy who totally understands your position and predicament.

First off, 1000 posts is pressure you probably do better without. Don't give up just cause you hit a number or time limit. Just sayin'.

Isolation. Same here, two years through separation and eventual divorce I've become a social recluse. Probably overly cautious now to make any sort of attachment beyond simple friendship, but that's the way it is for now at least.

I don't do well going out and doing things by myself. I used to. The key is motivation I think. I am slowly coming out of my shell.

I think you're doing one thing right at least. You post in the forums. I think one of the best internet inventions is forums, because they are a good way to socialize and let your barriers down a bit. So keep at it, get yourself involved in discussions, jokes, whatever topics interest you. You'll be surprised how many people you get to "meet" this way. :-)

And best thing, you'll find out that people will like you for your mind more than anything else!