I'm horrible. Once I tried to make tuna salad on toast. I ended up in the Burn Ward with mayonnaise in my hair.

But did the tuna salad toastie taste ok

hahahahaha
Did you apply the ingredients IN the toaster?

All great chef's start out as lousy cooks and with practice and abandon create miracles. Go to your County Extension and take their free classes to learn basic skills and then slowly start collecting the basic tools. Like any craft it is usually about having good tools and imagination to create. They don't have to cost a fortune and often you can find great bargains at garage or estate sales, thrift stores, and even discount stores. Get a few recordable DVD's and tape some of the cooking shows. Or check out some reference books and cookbooks from your public library. Goodwill and SPCA book sales always have some great cookbooks. Remember low heat and a timer are even the best cooks friend. For novice cooks assembling all your ingredients and needed tools before you start will make things go smoother. There are some awesome cooks on Mingle so don't hesitate to ask questions.

Was the burn ward staff kind enough,
to tell you if mayonnaise is healthy for
your hair?

I once knew a girl who could burn water.

many have gone through that. when I was learning to cook, my poor brother was my taste tester. he was too kind to tell me it was awful.