Always keep a baggie full of sugar cubes in your car, when a police officer pulls you over see how many you can eat before he grabs your throat. My record is 6.

When asked by a cop "you know why I'm pulling you over?" Respond with "it depends on how long you were following me sir."

Pull up to a cop at a red light, look over and motion for him to roll his window down (whether it's up or not) then smile and ask him "exactly how drunk is too drunk? I mean I gotta be close but just want to check!"

When being pulled over do nothing as asked, doing as asked when asked only breeds contempt within the mind of your average patrol officer. They might not show it but they will respect you more if you hand them a receipt in place of a drivers license. When asked to step out lock doors, when threatened with use of force laugh and say "I'd like to see you try that I really would!" They will accommodate this request purely out of respect of you asking.

They love to be reassured that you know people and will have their badge for what they are doing so yell that as often as possible. (whether it's true or not)
Please feel free to share your own dos and don'ts when dealing with police!

This is for entertainment purposes, try any of these ideas and you might get brutalized by a cop (that does now respect you)

lol

Do not, repeat DO NOT lick your lips when he asks for your drivers license and proof of insurance..

Really? Huh... it's worked well for me.

What hasn't worked well for me, being respectful.

Me: I wasn't aware of that sir.
Officer: (appeared younger than me) What'd you say boy? I could take you to jail for obstruction of justice!

Guess my contempt for the law and social etiquette must be more obvious than I realized...

Officer, when we are through with the formalities of this interrogation and since I have broken no law and you have met and exceeded your quota of tickets given for this month, could you tell me where I can get free coffee and donuts?

(Make sure, that if you are a woman, you ALWAYS are wearing your best perfume!).

Ohhh... she's a beauty. I put that pipe bomb..together myself..lol

That's probably because you leaned forward and looked up at him while you were licking them...You did, didn't you Tech? ...You gave him cleavage !!!

I don't know aboot those mounties phd, but the militarized cap happy fuzz here in the land-o-the-free would probably at least take a sec to admire your ingenuity, before emptying their clip in your chest.

Damn tank top! I just can't work it with subtlety and grace like you lovely ladies can.

Absolute No-No!

Sigh....guess im not lovely enuf....nothing ever worked for me....ESPECIALLY if its a female cop. Dont EVEN try guys....unless u WANT to get arrested.

See it now....guy flirting with F cop....whats a cute thing like u doing in a job like this?
Two seconds later as hes spread eagle on the hood getting handcuffed...."Arresting a smartass"

Nice.

When u are getting handcuffed. Make sure u moan and say tighter...yeah...make it hurt....cuz they will....

The last thing you want to hear a cop say, "drop your coat and grab them toes, I'ma show you where the wild goose goes!" Super Troopers, unless you've not seen it then I came up with that...

When a cop pulls you over turn your stereo up as loud as you can stand it but only once they are already at your window. When they scream "turn the stereo down!" Smile and wave as you drive off, later tell the cop you could have swore they said "you're free to go now!" And that the mouth movements look similar.

While getting a pat down turn to the cop with a seductive tone and say "oh my! Is that a night stick or are you just happy to have me?" This will cause him great fear seeing as how they are always terrified of anyone knowing their homosexual side.

Walk up to a cop and say anything nice or normal. I'm not sure why but they will attack you instantly. This is by far the most dangerous thing to do especially if you do it in Denver, I just said "how's it going tonight buddy?" As I call everyone buddy but the cop shoved me up against the wall and asked if I thought he was a f'ing joke? I told him I meant no disrepect at first but that now I do think he is a joke. I no joke got 10 stitches in my head and a threat in the hospital that I should keep quiet about that and that the brutal thug of a officer was having a bad night. I've since told this story to everyone that will listen, I'm not afraid of police. I've faced scared little men with guns before and won.

I cant wait to get out of Denver....

Come to Austin Texas! While I was there I had a cop ask me if I needed any help, I told him I was a little lost and he said "oh I know where you're trying to get to! Hop in I'll drive you!" I told him why I was so surprised as he dropped me off at the comedy club, I gave him tickets to that weekends shows and he thanked me and gave me his card and told me if I needed a ride after drinking to call him. I was almost waiting for the beating to start, it never did but after years of living in Denver I assumed he was up to something. That is how cops are in Denver but apparently not in Austin..

Sorry, officer.. I didn't realize that I was speeding...

I had to answer my cell-phone and text two messages.., but the bottle of Jack Daniels spilled onto the map that I had spread out over the dashboard that I was reading, when I reached for the phone.. and the heater got knocked off the spliff I was smoking and burned my bare feet...

Want a hit off of this..? Oh.. and I have no license and/or insurance.., but, I'm only 14 anyway..

Oink oink

excuse me officer, but do you know of any stores around here that sell rolling paper?

Cop: Sir have you been drinking?

Suspect: Hell yes! I don't drive like this all the time!