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| Topic: Man Flu - The Facts. | |
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1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth.
This is an irrefutable scientific fact*. *(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.) 2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too. 3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities. 4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in. 5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple requests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it 6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast). 7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest heroes this country has ever known. 8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell off. 9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of Man-Flu. 10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying around enjoying 'Diagnosis Murder' it is a commonly recognised medical fact that the exact pitch and frequency of Dick Van Dyke's voice has remarkable soothing powers. Every 27 seconds in this country one man at least is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind words and your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this monstrous disease together.   
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 Sooo funny Scarily true, as in it actually exists, so I agree,  us ladies should be more sympathetic. (hard core feminists will shoot me down in flames now) Anyway, I love a demobilised man in bed  who I can cuddle up to and soak in some of his body heat, which is one 'plus side' of it, especially during the winter freezes. |
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Edited by
Foszil
on
Tue 09/02/14 12:54 PM
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Strangely, you have hit on the proven best cure for man-flu. A few days cuddling with a compliant woman is certain to affect an improvement, however, care should be exercised and athletic bodied ladies (aka, stick insects) should be avoided. I trust this helps in your search for greater knowledge.
 As a footnote, care should also be taken not to lower body temperature rapidly, by placing ice-berg feet on the patient.!
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1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth.This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.*(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'.It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest.And probably loads of monkeys too.3. Women do not contract Man-Flu.At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle'which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu.They emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple requests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast). 7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest heroes this country has ever known.8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full blown Man-Flu in a female chimp.She became so ill that her head literally fell off.9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of Man-Flu.10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying around enjoying 'Diagnosis Murder' it is a commonly recognised medical fact that the exact pitch and frequency of Dick Van Dyke's voice has remarkable soothing powers.Every 27 seconds in this country one man at least is struck down by Man-Flu.Women, all we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind words and your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this monstrous disease together. no truer wrods have ever been said |
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