Thomas27:
That is some really mature and inciteful self actualisation. I am impressed.
For me: I couldn't see that when I wanted him to man-up like my Dad, it was demasculanising the poor guy.
By the time I realised that relationship was more important than what I wanted that day, and I asked him to forgive me- he couldn't.

People get married for all the wrong reasons. Our culture has no traditions to teach youth the reality of marriage, like Jewish culture does.
If you are thinking of getting married because of what he/she does for you, its off to a weak start. If u think he/she accepts u exactly as u truly are- warts n all- like there is nothing u could do to make your partner dislike/disrespect you- there's hope- IF that is reciprocal.
Expect that there will be heartbreaks, disagreements and really difficult times. Be willing to face it together- with your spouses needs in mind, and be sure to pick a spouse who can do the same for you.
Marriage requires tonnes of give, give, give some more, and some take. If you both approach your journey together this way- your fights will be about how you get to bless each other and how much/ how little you can watch your spouse sacrifice.
Are you willing to lay your life down for this friend? That's a tough one...
How will you handle the times in life when your spouse is burnt out and has nothing left to give? Will u pout n tantrum n make it all about you? Will you do what you can to help? Have patience, compassion and understanding, encouragement, acceptance, offer kicks in the bum at just the right time with just the right amount of force and gentleness? Or do you have a pocket full of I told you so's?
Are his/her strengths complimentary to your weaknesses so it helps you get through life, and vice versa? Are you happy, whole and content before u meet a partner or does your partner fill a void that helps you escape facing its existence?
Is your list of "needs" longer than your list of "i have to offer's" or "I want to share's?"
Did u discuss kids- # of, discipline tactics &roles

finances- who prepares the budget, pays the bills, savings- how much

dreams- both met and unmet & priority

work schedules pre& post maternity,

leisure -activities, budget, how often

Are you willing to attend a pre-marriage conference/retreat and accept the true concerns that arise as a result and be willing to find mutual resolution that your spouse is happy with, and you can live with too? To talk about it until you reach mutual consent- in small doses if it is a difficult/ contentious topic. The one who angers you, controls you. Nobody can MAKE you feel anything; you allow it.
Do you know how to fight fairly- keeping it about the issue not your spouses character traits?
Are you a right fighter?
Does your partner feel better about themselves when you spend time together?
This is only the surface and the beginning. How are you at forgiveness when you both have failed miserably and been horrible to each other? Do you let this happen often/ regularly?
Do you always resort to thinking: "if he/she would only see it my way" before considering seeing it from your partners perspective?
Are you comprehending that romantic dates and gushy feelings for each other, good chemistry and fun times together are not how you discern if this is someone you can spend the rest of your life with?
I had no clue how important any of this was when I got married! Or divorced!
How are his relationships with family? How are her family relationships? Do you have compatible communication styles & can you be considerste of your partners communication needs?
What are you willing to give to spend the rest of your life doing whatever you can to make him/her happy?
Are your energy patterns compatible? Are your daytime/nightome, sleep wake patterns compatible?
How much driving do you like to do per day, week, month?
Oh... The list goes on!
Look back and see what you can learn. This whole essay is a list of what I have learned from being married and divorced.
Forgive. ... Yourself when you fail at this. If you can forgive yourself when you fail, you can forgive your spouse when they fail. Take as much good from it as you can. Forgive.... " Let it be water under the bridge.
Forgive. .." Remember your promises. Forgive...." Let it go. Forgive...." You want it? You go get it; It's nobody elses responsibility or fault! Forgive..."
Keep the kids first. Forgive. .."
Have a gentle answer rather than an angry response for all things. Forgive..."
Seek resolution to issues- stick only to the present issue if arguing incessantly is tempting. Forgive..."
Love and be kind always- even when they are angry, hurtful or rude, and espescially when you are angry! Forgive...
Shower and brush your teeth before bed
Be intentional about creating fun memories to get you through the tough times.
Be the first to apologise. You are the bravest!
Oh- and- don't compare! Don't compete! Don't keep score! Don't lie! Don't cheat! Don't
Hurt her! - actually- you will hurt each other. Not intentionally, I hope. But it is inevitable. How will you work it through?
Will you work it through? Or walk away and quit? How many things have you quit at in your life? What is your gut reaction to the word Perseverance? Long suffering? Hope for a future, plans to prosper?

Data for the U.S.
Number of marriages: 2,118,000
Marriage rate: 6.8 per 1,000 total population
Divorce rate: 3.6 per 1,000 population (44 reporting States and D.C.)
Statistics Canada will no longer collect and crunch numbers on the country's annual marriage and divorce rates, a sign both of cost cuts at the agency and the changing nature of relationships, as definitions get fuzzier and harder to track.
The numbers shed light on the likelihood of divorce, the average age of marriage and reasons for marital breakdowns by province and nationally, and how that changes over time. Replicating this information will be tricky - the provinces track marriages, but no national body collects marriage data. The Justice Department has information on divorces, but doesn't disseminate it.
The absence of data will make it difficult to assess how the recession affected divorce rates because it ends at 2008. It will be harder to compare Canadian marriage or divorce rates with, for example, the United States. And policy makers say they will have a tougher time assessing where and how marital breakdown is affecting child poverty, housing, education and health care, and which policies are most effective at keeping families together.

I got a divorce so I wouldn't shoot her with a shotgun....

Bam!!!!!

Unpredictable alcoholic rages.

incompatibility underneath everything