This is my humourous summation of the online dating experience, and how hard it is to actually meet someone in person. Feel free to add any to the list. Dont hold back!!


20. I wont be able to make it tonight, my best friend just broke up with his girlfriend, and I have decided to console him with some wild hot sex. Maybe, we can reschedule if I am not too tired?

19. I'm sorry, I switched restaurants and forgot to tell you. You would have loved the entrees, and my date was amazing looking.

18. The date was tonight? Oh, I thought you said the second Monday of next week.

17. Your not my type, I like guys with humps on their back, one lazy eye, and a tendency for uncontrollable drooling.

16. Sorry I havent talked to you in a while, its just I had recently gotten arrested for date rape, and they wouldnt let me have access to a computer.

15. Im sorry, you are 1 hour, 22 minutes and 15 seconds late. I just found my soulmate exactly then. See you in the next life.

14. How tall are you ? Your only 5 '9". I need 5' 10". Damn, you were soooo close!!

13. I can't meet you because when you find out I don't even look anything like that picture I've posted....you'll kill me! The picture was taken at least 10 years ago. Not only that, it's not even me! I'm not even the same sex as that person who is also 200 pounds lighter than I am. So you see, meeting would be very bad for my health. Let's just continue on the way we were okay?

12. I noticed you didnt show last night. I waited a long time in the parking lot, until I saw this car peeling wheels and almost running over this old lady with a walker. The smell of burnt rubber was too overwhelming for me to stay any longer. Where are you at now? I am at the repair shop getting 4 new tires and having something removed from my grill. Why?

11. You wont believe this!! I was on the way to meet you when I blew out a tire. Since I didnt have a spare, I called AAA. When the tow truck driver pulled up and got out, I couldnt believe it!! She was my high school sweetheart for whom I had been searching for about 15 years. The wedding is in May, you are invited of course. We are registered at Pep Boys. Hope to finally meet you there!!

10. You have how many teeth? Oh sorry, that's way too many for what I have planned.

9. Do you have a boyfriend? No Would you like to go out sometime? Sure When? Oh, you meant together. I have to wash my hair that night.

8. Do you think I am that easy? Hold on for minute, Oh yeah, right there!! Ok, I am back. Youve got some nerve asking me that, goodbye!!

7. Can I get your phone number? Sure, Its 555-FAKE Call me anytime.

6. I'm sorry, I just got out of a bad relationship due to trust issues. Besides, my husband wouldnt approve if he found out about another one.

5. Why are you bothering me? I know I contacted you first, but that doesnt give you any reason to talk to me. Stalker!!

4. I know you are a really nice guy and all, but I am looking for someone to beat me and my kids on a regular basis. You dont drink? Dialtone

3. I am sorry, I am not looking to date anyone with kids. I dont like the baggage. I know I have three of my own, what is your point?

2. Hi, sorry I havent replied back to you sooner, but I was trying to come up with as many lame excuses as possible. Want to hear them?

1. Yeah, that was me running for the back door in the restaurant. So, how did our first date go anyway? I want all the details.

Your jokes are the best!

Tom...

This is way toooo funny