DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish........ - 49
Adventurous........ - Slept with everyone
Athletic........ - No tits
Average looking........ - Ugly
Beautiful........ - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile........ - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure........ - On medication
Feminist........ - Fat
Free spirit........ - Junkie
Friendship first........ - Former very *friendly* person
Fun........ - Annoying
New Age........ - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded........ - Desperate
Outgoing........ - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........ - Sloppy drunk
Professional........ - B*TCH
Voluptuous........ - Very Fat
Large frame........ - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate........ - Stalker


WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes........ = No
2. No........ = Yes
3. Maybe........ = No
4. We need........ = I want
5. I am sorry........ = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk........ = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead........ = you better not
8. Do what you want........ = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset........ = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight........ = is sex all you ever think about?


And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in gas and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket bat shoved up his backside.

I don't mind if a woman is on her menstrual cycle. I still got my Kawasaki.

Hillarious UK, I feel I should add this, just so men are warned:


Nine statements men should worry about when said!!

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can say to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Men this is to warn you about arguments you can avoid if you remember the terminology.

Thats because Men DON'T understand women

ya dont exactly make it easy on us celticfairy

men have more trouble understanding women than the codebreakers had at Bletchly Park in WW2

celtic ur just mad cause someone who cracked the code just put it out there for all to see

Nope he missed loads of our secrets