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| Topic: TRUST issues... | |
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I don;t think you sound jaded. I do tend to give out second chances in my personal relationships though. In business relationships, there are people who can be trusted. Just because they compete with you for something doesn;t make someone untrustworthy. It's whether the playing field is honest, level and the rules or standards are ethical and managed or applied equally. And whether all the players play be the rules. I tend NOT to take all of those things personally. Over time, I just remember who is who. And leave it all at work. I seldom end relationships entirely after my trust has been broken as there may be many different qualities about the connection that don't require a level of closeness to fulfill the other elements that make up the relationship. Instead I simply terminate the personal access to information and feelings that trust would have made it easier and comfortable enough to share. Once someone has proven themselves untrustworthy, whether in a personal or professional environment there's no way for me to see and respect them in the same way. Apologies often times don't alter my future belief in the integrity or lack thereof of the person, because I know for the most part apologies are extended only as an attempt to prevent a complete breakup or a disciplinary action, not that the offender is really sorry for being who they are as the betrayer. |
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How easy or difficult is it for you to trust again after you've been seriously betrayed in a personal or professional relationship? Does the bad experience help you to be more cautious and make better choices in the same or similar situations with others, or does it induce your outlook toward paranoia and hold you back somewhat? If you see the same pattern developing in your interactions that previously ended badly is there ever a point when you put your foot down and say "NO MORE" to yourself, then refuse to ever get caught up in the exact same situation that has the propensity for betrayal again? Or do you always extend the benefit of the doubt regardless to the circumstances and deal with the consequences as they happen? Trust is complicated...even the OP is questioning trust in personal and professional relationships...Two very different constructs IMO...All of us have our own capacity to trust and that capacity is strengthened or weakened through life experience...For me, communication is key to forming and building trust in both professional and personal relationships...So many problems stem from misunderstandings related to a break down in communication...Honest, open communication is the surest way to strengthen our "capacity" to trust....Anytime you are unsure, ask before you act...Follow through comes next, can I rely on this person, can this person rely on me...Finally, intention...If trust is broken, figure out what, if any, part you played in the betrayal and act accordingly...The capacity to trust is not determined or controlled by the actions of others, it is determined or controlled by our reaction.... TRUST : belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something To me TRUST is pretty straightforward. And once someone or something I am led to believe is one way proves to be another, unreliable, dishonest, ineffective, or a liar there's no way to go back to square one and repair the breach while expecting the character of someone or something to turn out to be different than they were originally. There's no mulligan's when it pertains to the quality of trust or trustworthiness. IMO. And I am not in any way responsible for how others fashion their own behavior and/or handle their affairs with integrity or design them by deceit even when they are in a relationship with me. I am only accountable for my own character and actions. Thinking that others own conduct doesn't determine their level of trustworthiness or that I somehow convinced someone else to betray me is absurdity. IMO. |
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