Meeting strangers and becoming friends face to face is pretty simple for most of us.

First we judge each other by outward appearances and if our interest is peaked we take it to the next level by introducing ourselves to find out more personal details about our individual lives.

Then as our cursory exams pass the muster we start spending time together becoming more familiar and growing closer or farther apart depending on how we appreciate the other's responses to various shared experiences.

Face to face it's easier to determine each others authenticity through body language, eye to eye contact, emotional responses and the like. While the more involved we become our motives, integrity, daring and personal limits are readily apparent as well.

On the flip side...

Meeting strangers and becoming friends in online communities, not just on dating sites isn't as simple as it would seem to be for many of us.

With the advantage of cloaking abilities to weed through the masses looking for kindred spirits and minds we have to be ultra careful about whom we meet that may not ultimately appear as what or who they initially present themselves to be.

So we move forward protectively and let our guards down only after much repeated connectivity while also knowing instinctively there is still more than meets the eye online.

My questions then becomes...

From sociopaths and psychopaths to sycophants and autocrats... from introverts and extroverts to narcissists and trolling perverts... from the cream of the crop at the ivy league top to the very bottom of the socially acceptable pile of poor taste and lack of style...

How do we really know what kind of people we are dealing with while interacting online with others we spend time with becoming acquaintances and friends?

And in the grand scheme of developing relationships does personality types matter as much as appearance and substance does?

I'd venture to guess that it depends on whether or not your "picker" is broken.

I've been very fortunate to have met (in person & in cyber) some really great people from this site & others. Of course, one or two sociopaths will slither through the cracks & then it's up to the individual to learn from that experience...or become jaded & continue to make the same mistakes.

It is not a matter of being jaded. It is a weakness of desperate ego blinding their common sense.

I'll agree with the latter part, Stummp...but c'mon...how many times have we seen an individual who had ONE bad experience & then measures everyone after against that same yardstick? In my book...that's jaded. Of course, there's others who continually choose the wrong ones who also become jaded...but IMHO, that's just broken picker syndrome...lol

I think that what you have to bear in mind is that the flipside of treating anyone on here as if they might be some sort of troll is that they might just decide that they may as well troll you then because they can't win with people that have the sorts of concerns that you're expressing anyway. My profile is a troll, if you like. I wrote that to make fun of suspicious women on dating sites.

I'm not concerned about those types anyway. If they don't want to meet there's bugger all that I can do about that. I'm prepared to meet them and get to know them properly and if they aren't prepared to do the same it's just a waste of time and effort to try to persuade them that you're genuine.

Is caution and instinct with a dash of skepticism mixed in the same as being jaded?

Personally, if I can't get past the basic traits that it takes little time at all to decidedly ascertain no amount of fortune or looks can convince me the relationship is worth pursuing.

Not really grasping the true meaning of an "online troll" unless you mean a "nuisance stalker", I only categorize those in that light if on the face of things they are constantly following me around and being annoying enough for the group as a whole to be able to notice the pattern.

I'm not concerned about those types either. Because at the end of the day I'm still content and relaxed in my own environment and can tune out whatever drama there may have been that involved them.

And no, I wouldn't develop any kind of friendship of a personal nature with anyone who demonstrates troll like propensities. Because if they're like that online I can only imagine what they'd be like in person too.

"Troll" tends to just be a term of abuse for anyone on the internet that you find annoying. A troll is just someone trying to get an emotional reaction though. One definition has it that it's someone that posts off topic inflamatory remarks. Other people draw a distinction between trolls and idiots because idiots may be annoying but they aren't being annoying on purpose or pretending to be stupid just to get a reaction out of people. There's a guy that I know on another site, for example, that has a reputation for being a troll just because his spelling is terrible and that annoys grammar nazi types.

But anyway, sometimes trolls can provoke interesting discussions and it doesn't necessarily matter if you take them seriously or not. Other trolls are just trying to have a laugh and would consider anyone that gets all butt hurt about things that they post as being oversensitive pompous prigs.

I think trolls don't work alone. Let me explain my theory.

When I first joined online dating sites in 2012 I didn't even know Mingle existed yet. And being unfamiliar with the territory or "singles turf" I joined several just to see what each was about to get a general "feel" or "lay of the land."

The first thing I noticed was that the same people were using many different aliases on each site using fake profiles. And they would follow me from site to site trying to make conversation by flattering me, saying they loved me, they were meant for me, etc.

I'd never experienced such a flood of unknown admirers all at once so I communicated with several while paying close attention to detail. And it was when I began recognizing the pattern and consistency in their messages that I realized I was being tracked by the same person and group of persons who I ultimately learned were just looking for money from me. Which none ever received.

Once I became familiar with their game I became bored and changed course.

Then I began letting my creative side out by writing and posting stories which eventually caught the eye of different types that actually wanted to talk to me offline and get to know me more personally.

Some I developed a long distance acquaintance like friendship with and some I tired of quickly and blocked their access.

What I learned from all this is that people including site staff who've been online for years and are friends talk to each other by email or phone etc., and plan how they will befriend, attack, or amuse themselves with the newbies or other members they all agreed didn't fit into what they were looking for in their clique, or they didn't easily fall prey to their profit seeking ways, and the oldies wanted to show them up in front of others on the boards that didn't know what was really going on behind the scenes.

Then I was referred to Mingle by a complete stranger. So already tired of what I'd discovered elsewhere I came here and joined in the forums too. Only to find these same individuals with plenty of downtime from their jobs or in their spare time and with the anonymity of false data still followed me and were being obnoxious because I turned away from them after realizing we had little to nothing in common.

So now, when individuals still troll me I assume it's one or several of those who still hold a grudge and want to annoy me by acting up and attacking me on the boards.

What they don't seem to realize is that their behavior doesn't bother me as much as they think it does, or as much as they'd like it too.

All it really does is expose them for how they really are behind whatever new mask they're using at the moment.

And for those of us who are long time members and posters, it can be pretty easy to read and sidestep them. Or engage them in conversation or debates if we're having an otherwise boring day and want to get the juices flowing a bit.

I think it's just a game, a mind game of sorts, and sometimes I'm in the mood to play and sometimes I'm not.

And this is my personal theory about internet trolls.

Or as I more simply describe them and their personality traits as being haters, baiters, and traitors that no matter how good looking or wealthy they are could never fit into my small world where I prefer to live honestly and drama free. Even if I don't have many friends who agree with me or my way of seeing and dealing with life.

Me personally, I would rather have one true friend that I can trust with my entire life, even if they are as broke and friendless as me, rather than be popular in a crowd of people who would turn their backs on me as soon as the going gets tough in reality.

You don't know people anymore online than you do in real life, you just convince yourself you do.

People tell you what you want to hear in a lot of cases, it is only natural, they want to create bonds and ties to someone...Something tangible. In real life they do this boldly to your face and without the time that is allowed on the internet for learning their mannerisms and behavior; naturally, you are left at a great disadvantage. So, truth be told; you don't know that the people you talk to face to face are telling you the truth anymore than someone online.

You're just assuming the worst in either case, or assuming the worst of one in favor of the other for reasons all your own but they are both relatively equal.

I don't judge people that easily or quickly either online or face to face. First I take some time to become familiar enough to know whether we identify with life's basic issues and each other enough to where furthering a friendship is worth the effort it takes to create the space for each other in our lives.

As for you thinking that I assume the worst in or about anything is rather startling when you and I have never communicated enough to really get to know each other on or offline.

So in this generalization I think your comment is unfair.

As for people telling me what I want to hear I think this statement is equally as ridiculous because it has no genuine foundation to base your position on as I assume you aren't privy to all my many conversations either online or face to face. So how could you ascertain this without any certainty?

Not to mention the fact that I'm a senior citizen who has been around the world long enough to know my own mind and the games people play. It doesn't take rocket science to see through scammers, players, liars, or cheats, it only takes a little time and a few in depth conversations to determine the trajectory of their goals and game.

In choosing who I want to get close too I've always let people prove themselves to me first. Faults and all. None of us are perfect and in fact it is our flaws that can make us more interesting and endearing, so I don't push people away or ignore them just based on their shortcomings or limitations.

It has always been about how the other treats me personally. If they respect me and show me than I respect them equally. If they don't respect me than there's no need to even try to connect because the natural attraction or infatuation isn't there for me. And it doesn't take long for me to determine this factor at all.

Someone can claim undying love for me and never fail to make me feel this way in private. But if as soon as they get me in front of their family and/or friends they show me the slightest bit of disrespect because their circle might not think I measure up to their standards, then it's over. And I don't fight to save a relationship that isn't based on a genuine connection from deep inside.

If someone claims love and they don't show it in front of others, then to me they are simply posers. And I'm not. I either like you or I don't. And if I do I stand up for you with all I've got, even if it costs me personally. That's just how much I devote myself to those I care for. And if they don't have the same or similar feelings and abilities for me, it's a waste of my time and energy to endure a one-sided relationship.

We are all different. Some people will tolerate anything to feel or be wanted. Some us of have earned the ability to draw lines we don't want or have to cross.

It's really just that simple to me.

Athena, internet trolling culture originated on gaming sites and I started my internet career by going on those sites, so I know a fair bit about it. On the first site that I was on though I never even heard the word "troll" used once and it was taken for granted that we were all fictional characters and anyone bringing real life arguments into chat was banned. That was very much a player versus player game and it was the intrigue and calling out other players on chat that made it fun. The other game that I was into wasn't so much like that and if you didn't agree with the atheist liberal science geeks that dominated chat you got a reputation as a troll. To me, they were the trolls and bullies because they were picking on anyone that was different and dissented but to them that site was a space on the internet where they weren't being discriminated against and bullied by the extremely vocal religious right that exists in America.

If you go on any internet site you're going to find it dominated by a clique of regulars that use the site. Scammers that just want money aren't exactly what I would call trolls. They aren't just doing it to get an emotional reaction. I'm not just trying to get an emotional reaction when I'm trying to get women to date me. It's true that you can't really know how genuine someone on the internet is but in my experience the women are a lot more forthcoming and honest on the phone or when you meet them. It works both ways. They don't really trust me either when I'm just someone on the internet.

hmmmm....i don't know but if you want,you can come and ask all the women in my basement

Well, I'm glad you are open to differing opinions.

Have at it, tah.

Better hope you never meet that one!

Sounds like........oh, never mind!!!

I think we might have come across a few of that Species,on a Site which shall remain un-named!

People in real life can pull the wool over your eyes. And we know people online can certainly do this too. I think people have to use their common sense in both situations (this can sometimes be a bad thing because some people do not know how to use common sense). I met a girl one night (began talking to her at a club) and we hit it off. I left that night with her number and had high hopes for her. But man....the first date happened and she was a totally different person. I misjudged her but at the very least (on the first and only date) I was able to see their was no way things would progress with her. She hated me for not wanting to pursue things but I can handle being called every thing but a white man.