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| Topic: Something for The Weekend | |
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About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather's back with lard.
After that he went downhill very quickly. Too many people driving off without paying for petrol. Can't help feeling Formula One drivers set a bad example. When my daughter was born she had jaundice. There she was...small, round and yellow. So we called her Melanie... My school had a big problem with drugs… especially Class A. Why does Prince Charles approach Cornwall from the English Channel, never from the Bristol Channel? He likes to pass the Duchy on the left hand side. Advice of the day. If you're ever being chased by a police dog don't jump through a hoop of fire, climb up and down a little seesaw or crawl though a small concrete tunnel as they are trained to do that. Afghanistan, Iraq, Zimbabwe... That was a badly planned cycling trip Just had margarita cocktail. Didn't taste like pizza at all. Last summer I set up a clinic for colonic irrigation, but the hosepipe ban hit us hard. Heard a tiny 'bang' in Belfast. Might be distant republicans. Crossing an insect with a mammal is my personal bugbear Last night I looked up at the sky and saw the Plough, and thought 'I need to stop lying on this snowy road'. Wasted a morning once when I kept mistaking Bonnie Tyler singing 'turn around' for the voice of my Sat nav. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Unless its boiling soup balanced on top of a door. 'Ryanair to cut flights by 9%'. This will leave passengers well short of the airport. Appreciate the important people in your life, because one day they will be gone and you will miss them. For example............. Woolworths. Just been threatened by a radiographer. Said if I opened a certain envelope I'd be looking at a broken leg. Missiles don't even sound very accurate Just bought a broken second hand time machine. Plan to fix it, have lots of adventures then go back and not buy it. I was delighted to open the new offices of Gamblers Anonymous. Lottery funded. Turns out Belarus is not like Toys R Us for Bells My uncle drowned on his first day as a sea-horse whisperer. Corruption in Irish government... Been there, done that bought the Taoiseach. Badgers will always be hunted because they look like giant mint humbugs Roman numerals to be phased out. NOT on my watch. It seems unfair that the huge price of my eye test was in the small print. I have just got lost in my own bed. Not to worry I've put message in a hot water bottle. As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times that I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.   
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