Symptom
1. Drink fails to give satisfaction and taste.
Shirt front is wet.

Fault.
Glass is empty.

Action to be taken.
Buy another drink and practice in front of mirror. Continue with as myny drinks as neccessary until drinking technique is perfected

Symptom
2.Drinking gives no satisfaction and taste. Glass is unusually pale and clear.

Fault
Glass is empty.

Action to be taken
Find someone who will buy you another drink.

Symptom
3. Feet wet and cold.

Fault
Incorrect bladder control

Action to be taken.
Go and stand next to nearest dog.After a while, complain to dogs owner about lack of house training. Demand a drink as compensation.


4.Symptom.
Bar blurred.

Fault.
You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass.


Action To Be Taken.
Find someone who will buy you another drink.


5. Symptom.
Bar swaying.

Fault
Ait turbulence is unusually high.
May be due to darts match.

Action to be taken.
Insert broom handle down back of shirt.


6. Sympton.
Bar Moving.

Fault
You are being carried out.

Action to be taken.
Find out if you are being taken to another pub, if you're not, complain loudly that you're being hijacked by the Salvation Army,


7. Sympton.
You notice the wall opposite is covered with ceiling tiles and
strip lights.

Fault
You have fallen over backwards.

Action to be taken.
If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm. Stay put.


8. Symptom
Everything has gone dim, and you have a mouth full of broken teeth
and cigarette butts.

Fault
You have fallen over forwards.

Action to be taken
As for falling over forwards.


9. Symptom
Everything has gone dark.

Fault
The bar is closing

Action to be taken
PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


10. Symptom
You wake up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You can't see
your bedroom walls or ceiling.

Fault
You have spent the night in the gutter

Action to be taken
Check your watch to see if it is opening time - if not,then treat yourself to a lie in.

You are too funny!

ROFL "glass is empty?? "