I'm only hoping I don't get burned or deleted from friends lists because of what follows.



Q Why did God create woman?
A To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

Q If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true
love?
A The swallow

Q How do you annoy your wife during sex?
A Phone her.

Q Why do women fake orgasms?
A Because they think men care

Q What is the definition of "making love"?
A Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

Q What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A Slow down and use a lubricant.

Q What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak

Q How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A None. Let the b*tch cook in the dark.

Q What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and
B.S.E?
A One is mad cow disease. The other is an agricultural
problem.

Q Why does the bride always wear white?
A Because it's good for the dishwasher to match

Q What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A Nothing, she's been told twice already.

Q How many men does it take to open a beer?
A None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

Q If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at
you, what have you done wrong?
A Made her chain too long.

Q How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A Marry it!

Q What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A A battery has a positive side.

Q What are the three fastest means of communication?
A Internet, Telephone, Tell-a-woman

Q Why do hunters make the best lovers?
A Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and
they eat what they shoot.

Q How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

Q How is a woman like a condom?
A Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your
d*ck.

Q What should you give a woman who has everything?
A A man to show her how to work it.

Q How are cyclones/tornadoes and marriage alike?
A They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in
the end
you lose your house.

Q Why does a bride smile when she walks up he aisle?
A She knows she's given her last blowjob.

Q What's the difference between a ***** and a whore?
A A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a ***** sleeps
with everyone at the party except you.

Q What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A After 10 years the job still sucks.

Q What's the difference between love, true love, and
showing off?
A Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

26.Q Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips
called a waist?
A Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Q Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Q How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
A Put a nipple on it.

Q Why did the woman cross the road?
A What's the ***** doing out of the kitchen in the first
place?!

Q Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
A 'cause it doesn't need cleaning yet.