i dont know where to start on this one... im an only chile leaving for college tomm... my mom and i have always been best friends... she got remarried to some guy that pretty much hates me... he didnt go to my high school graduation which i though was pretty shallow... and now... my last week home they spent the week at the beach... and then my mom told me that they arnt comming home tomm... so basically i wont get to say goodbye to my mother... i know its cuz of my stepdad but i feel like she is putting him before me... what do you think?

I think you should be happy that your mother has found someone to make her happy. I know that I just sent my son to college and I never hear from him unless he needs something...so basically kids need their freedom. You will want all of your freedom and trust me it will be so much easier on your mom having someone in her life to spend time with while your gone. I say enjoy your time at college...spread your wings and get your education.
Trust me, your mother still loves you and when it comes right down to it...you will always be number 1 no matter what!!

im just a lil hurnt that i havnt seen her in a week and she isnt even coming home to say goodbye to me...

Itsnicoleelyse! Women does put their children always at no 1 but always wants the man to put them no 1 before his children; So I cannot understand why she is doing that.
I do not agree that she should do that even though I believe that she loves you. You are leaving to go away; SHE SHOULD BE THERE.
THIS IS THE TIME THAT SHE SHOULDN'T LET NO MAN DIVERT HER from this necessary support.
Is he RICH and she is on a job? Then when she comes back, all you college bill will be paid?
What is she making that sacrifice for?
If it is he who caused or forced her in some way (blackmail or balck magic) to abstain from your departure for college celebration, THEN SHE WILL HATE HIM FOREVER when she snaps out of it.
Please forgive her? Something is wrong. As I said; Women do not do that.

While she is there with him, and you think that she is HAPPY on honeymoon, SHE IS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE, AND MAKING HIM SO TOO.
It could be too that since you two are so close, she cannot take the sight of you leaving, so she feels it is better she is not there to see you leave.
Then U stepfather may have had no part to play in that. U say he hates U?
U are an only child? Most times only child' is spoilt rotten and they do not know. So when he tells momma something for your benefit and protection, a youth will interpret that as hate.
What he may not know, is 'do not tell a woman nutten bout her child; especially a girl' They have him there to help where it doesn't appear as hate. Buy KFC; fix the light in their room, tell momma when she is revering the velicle: "Look out! Daughter might be behind. You sure she not there?"

Now you are 18. The law says that you are an adult; but at 16 or 17 or even now, if u want to go spending nights at female friends, (for example) and he advises NO WAY, a youth will call him a hater and an obstructionist.

sweetheart..as a mom..I would never do that...

but maybe its to hard for her with her baby girl leaving..

my son left for the marines..I had a dificult time..family wanted toget to gether on a Wed.I refused..

So we got together the day he left..

I can talk personally with my son..I can go to him..I have to wait for his mail..

It is the worst feeling..

Maybe mom is insecure and feels she needs a man..maybe she feels u r on ur way and this is her way of cuting the ties with u..

Let her know u feel left out and that u need her..

U should come first...let her know how u are feeling..

If things don't change..I am here for u..I don't have a daughter...but all the girls that are with my sons call me mom..

Lean on me...

Hopefully when u are off to college u will feel differently..

U will make ur own life..
I feel sad for u..


I asm here though..So just write...all the kids 16-20 say I am the cool mom..they tell me everything..

I am sorry this is happening to u..


Daughters are so precious...

All my love to u..

Suzanne

Life hurts sometimes. For whatever her reason's mom is prob choosing the lesser of 2 evils. Let her know you love her; no matter what, this guy may move on & then she will really need you.

Change what you can in life & for the rest;
Lick your wounds & move on.
You & mom will have better days.

Watch out! He might be trying to alienate her from everyone else so he can control her. My daughter just went through this. Good luck.

WE all make huge mistakes as parents and children....don't give up on your mom! Someday she will seriously regret her decision and realize that she missed a moment she can never get back. And as her daughter you should be there to forgive her!! Although it is ok to tell her that her actions hurt you Good luck and enjoy school!!

thanks everyone

Moms that love and cherish their kids do not do that...very strange. If you were my daughter and leaving for college the next day, I would probably be sleeping and praying at the end of your bed!
But if your mom is choosing to be elsewhere and you have a destiny to greet in the morning, then you need to move on with your life. Hopefully she will realize that she needs to support YOU and will come around soon. In the meantime, I will send prayers your way since you look young enough to be my daughter Sometimes walking through fire builds character. It may not seem fair at the time, but over time you will understand the forces that went into shaping your soul. You ALWAYS have a choice to handle what is dealt to you with diginity and grace! Your beautiful smile illustrates that you possess those qualities!!! Good luck with school

that's not right of her to do that...she shouldn't let him get in the way....maybe u should try talking to her...she might not know that ur hurt....i wish u great luck on this....i know i would never do that 2 my kid,hope she comes & visits u...take care

itsnicoleelyse,

It's a complicated question. I am answering from a Christian perspective, okay?

In Christianity, when two people get married, they become one flesh. So your step-father should always come first in your mother's life. But by the fact that he married your mother, he is now your father (even if he doesn't like you) and a mother and father should be there for their daughter. IMO: You are wrong, he should come first. And he was wrong for not being there for his daughter's graduation.

Its too bad that you think he doesn't like you...maybe you get that impression because you and him are competing over attention from your mother? Guys are very competitive, so maybe he has subconciously made you into the "enemy" or "opposing team". Have you tried talking to him about it? It's really hard to be dating a woman and compete with her children for attention, because you end up losing no matter what you do. Try to befriend him and try to find things that you can do with him and your mother or things that all three of you can talk about. (Trust me, talking about the good times you had before he was around isn't going to win him over)

So my advice is to take the high road, treat him with respect. If you guys haven't solidified your relationship, maybe you should sit down with him and decide if you guys are going to be friends or if he is going to be your dad. If he likes you or not, you are there to stay. How he treats you can work to draw your family together or wedge you apart.

Good luck.

Iwould tend to agree with many of the posts. When a single Mom has a lot going on in her life you may have some conflicting obligations and tons of feelings.
It is just possible your Mom is trying to make your last few days at home as comfortable as possible for you. If you and her husband are not on good terms maybe she was getting him out of your hair so you can do what you have worked hard to make happen in peace. Things like take personal stuff, have friends over, sleep in her room and raid the fridge between packing and unpacking until you get it perfect. She also may not see it as a Goodbye at all. Is she taking the key away from you or telling you it is no longer your home? Maybe she sees the "dorm" as another bedroom she is paying for and you are still in her domain. Are you going to her alma mater? Will you be near family or trusted friends. Maybe she doesn't find it as dramatic or final a step as you do. Is it the first time you have lived away from home or a continuation of a general lifestyle of shared custody?
Sounds like your Mom trusts you not to do anything stupid or spiteful and may be giving you space.
Maybe she is giving you a chance to change your mind at the last minute and not go without and audience. Are you sure you are really ready to go? Not everybody is the same year they graduate. Sounds like you are getting options and it just feels like nobody cares.
I am really sorry you feel sad about all this but it is not an uncommon fesling for college bound young adults to feel a little bummed that it doesn't feel like the end of the world to all parents. After all she is gaining Daughter in college that is pretty awesome. Maybe she is out celebrateing and expects you to be doing the same.
Maybe writing her a heartfelt letter and telling her all the things you are going to miss, your concerns, your fears will draw yo closer; maybe it won't. I would temper it with a lot of love and respect because I would bet the house on if it is a parting shot you will regret it the longest day you live.
Just for the record I bet both your Mom and your step Dad are having some anxious feelings mixed with a lot of pride in you. Go Conquer the World Young Lady....Hugs

Read your post and bipast the replies.
Your mother is moveing on.
Ok. Your stepdad is an asshole ( can i say that?)
Reguardless you are going away and your mom needs a life.
Don't feel angry towards her,
She loves you. She just needs someone there.
It won't be you so it has to be him.
Your mother loves you no matter what.

Hi...I think you need to talk to your mom and tell her how you're feeling. She might not realise how she's making you feel. She's happy, and might just be caught up in it, and just not understand that you're hurting. She can't try and fix it if she doesn't know how you're feeling. Go to her and tell her...she'll understand....good luck!

sounds like your (step)parents are the children in the house

go and be the adult, and make a fantastic life for yourself

we love ya (weep weep)well miss you (seeing ya off to college) now go on get outta here (waves goodbye as the car drives off)weep weep sniffle,sniffle dont let them boys get between you and that education(fatherly advice)turns with head low silently weeping..im gonna miss her. lol

That must hurt...I agree....If i was a mom..I would be there to make sure u were ok..Im sorry that u are goin thru that..but maybe u should tell her how u fell..if u havent already done so..

Sorry I'm new here but did you argue with your mom before she left??? Can you talk plainly to you're mom? well if not before then now is the time ...tell her you need to see her before you go and that you are hurt that she didnt want to say goodbye to you..what ever you do ...don't let this hang on you, get it in the open, she may not realize how much this would mean to you... Good luck and I hope you get it worked out JMO