What do you think of your significant other having close friends of the opposite sex, I myself have no problem with it, as long as boundaries have been agreed upon and put in place by both parties.

My ex and several of my former girlfriend's had male friends, some were my friends as well, the reason I brought this up me and my ex have reconnected recently via Facebook and seem to forming an online friendship, while we were chatting my ex brought a few scenarios up in our past where I was accused of jealousy over her male friends, namely only 2 of her friends, I felt at the time they had violated their boundaries, my ex worked late hours then and wouldn't get off work until sometimes 3:00 am, most times I would meet her at her work (my former work)to make certain she got home safely.

There was an instance where I couldn't meet her, and she decided to have breakfast at Denny's with this male friend, whom was a very old friend of her families, even though I trusted them both and it never even entered my mind that anything was going on between them, what made me upset was 1st she didn't inform me of this until about a week later, of coarse I wasn't expecting her to ask my permission, it's just that we had both agreed on a set of boundaries for our respective opposite sex friends, one of which was no late nights without informing the other partner.

In another case she wound up being stalked by this other male friend, which I had previously warned her about, she finally asked me to intercede on her behalf, in which I had to really threaten this guy, he got the message and my girlfriend apologized for not listening to me, my girlfriend was a little on the naive side when it came to men.

So to wrap this up I feel no one has the right to tell another whom they can be friends with, but both partners and friends alike should except and understand that boundaries are needed.

Oh if the roles had been reversed my ex would have killed me, sometimes that woman scared the crap out of me, full blooded Italian. I love the Latin girls, Lol.

I agree no one has the right to tell another what to do, but we also have to respect our own boundaries. it is not something that is acceptable to me beyond a hello in passing. I do not keep on with a bunch of male friends and would not out of respect for him, and I expect the same level of respect in return.

hanging out with members of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship is too much drama potential.

I see mikos ex already trying to manipulate and control him by bringing up the subject apparently as a "condition." No. She knows she did wrong she should be striving to reassure you that she needs you more than other male friends.

I know a lot will disagree w/ me. you're entitled. I won't tell him what to do but I am sure he has plenty of male friends to pal around with. If he is spending a lot of free time with another woman (except his mom) w/out me, I will not remain in that relationship. I probably would not try to discuss it with him and that seems a little unfair but I am adamant and also concerned that trying to discuss it would make it seem like I was telling him what to do.

the only person you can control is yourself so I would take control of what I can do about it and break up....but probably it is a moot issue. I do not think I'd get seriously involved with a man who spends a lot of time with female friends anyway...not my thing

Yeah this was always an issue with us, her controlling behavior, other then that she was a really moral and loving individual, she kind of spoiled me rotten and at the time I didn't recognize this as another way she was attempting to control me, I do believe when we first started dating she was under the assumption that I was an easy pushover, she misunderstood me to be an easy person to control, in which later she found out different, I admit that I am a little stubborn, (Irish you know)

I was married for 22 years and now divorced for 27. What I have learned is that you have to respect yourself enough to not let another person disrespect you.. You already know that her behavior was not right. You're asking someone to tell you that your gut reaction is wrong and I doubt that it is. On the other hand,you have to ask yourself if you are a jealous person. Going at 3am to pick her up sounds like maybe you didn't trust her and when you didn't pick her up she went out with another man. Do you know for a fact that they were at Denney's?
Whether or not to get back together with her isn't the real question. Are you secure enough in who you are to let her go if she doesn't treat you right in the future?

I guess the age old question am I better off with or without him/her?

You know the situation better than we do on here. Has she said anything to make u believe she would not do the same thing again...at Denney's....if that's where they were as Chris suggested (and I agree)

I think there's a reason why we hesitate to take exes back...but that doesn;t mean it culdn't work

if u could trust each other

Sorry to break it too you but Im In the same boat and decided to leave her and move on.Obviously she doesnt care or love you to respect your views in a relationship just move on and your find someone special man to man talk.Dont take second base you always should be first.God Bless and Good Luck..

Yes I know for a fact she was at Denny's, if she was to cheat she would definitely not do it around people she worked with, as this was my former place of work , many of my former coworkers (friends)seen them there together and seen them leave in separate vehicles which matched up with time she arrived home we stayed over at each other places and as we both had keys to each others apartments, I was at her apartment when she arrived home which was common for us, I was not being controlling by escorting her home, my ex was a big ol scardy cat it was her wish for me to meet her at work as we sometimes went out and had breakfast together, I had no issues with her visiting male friend as he was a close friend of her brothers, from a very religious family, the issue I had was she wouldn't admit to violating boundaries we had both set, I guess the boundaries were mostly for me though and not her

WHAT EXACTLY WERE THE BOUNDARIES SHE DIDN'T RESPECT. YOU JUST DEFENDED EVERYTHING SHE DID.

if she agreed to them and did not call to tell u she was with a male friend? she broke them. I think it's red flag if she can't fess up, ask to be forgiven and move on to happy times

one of the boundaries we set, mostly her idea was neither one of us would see members of the opposite late at night, your not the first to mention my defending her, guess old ways die hard, most of my friends also commented on this, both family and friends have been advising me to cut all contact with her as it will only open up old wounds, after all we haven't seen each other in over twenty years, we live in different states now and she has been urging me to come and visit her think she knows what will happen if we see one another again, she also stated there was no need for me to stay in a hotel if I come, but to stay with her, oh we had a great sex life by the way, I know if I look into those big brown eyes of hers that will be it, no way am I going threw that mess again, we have both admitted there are still lingering feelings between us and our relationship never truly had real closure we were still hooking back up again up to 3 years after committed relationship ended.

I have been giving some thought to seeing her and maybe gain closure.

20 years is too long to hold on to an issue about a restaurant, I agree. It might be fun to touch base but not with any expectations ....no rules as u are not in a relationship now

could u handle seeing her that way...no rules?

I thought at first this was like something that happend last week lol

She is just always bringing up things from our past, I am not having any issues over what happened then was just curious how others feel about opposite sex friendships while u are in a relationship, no I never truly got over this woman, we both felt at the time that we were soul mates, something she still states to me even now, I have never loved as I did this woman, but I know it's a train wreck just waiting to happen, when I was around her I felt as I was intoxicated, she knew the effect she had on me, don't get me wrong most of our relationship was very loving, she practically waited on me hand and foot, which kind of made me uncomfortable at times as I am very self reliant, but she had major abandonment and jealousy issues as she had come from a broken home, and being the youngest with 5 older brothers, she was kind of spoiled as well.

Friendship between a man and woman is a sugarcoated water-downed word for courtship. There is no such thing as friendship when it comes to the opposite sex.

When seeking a partner, we choose someone we get along well with, have chemistry with, share similar interests with, find attractive, and enjoy being around. All traits that make up a good friend. Ask a happily married couple to introduce their spouse and they'll always say: "My husband/wife and best friend... insert name here."

This explains the jealousy one develops when their partner socializes with friends of the opposite sex way too much.

The "I'm just going out with a friend" excuse goes out the window and causes justifiable paranoia when the friend in question is single, attractive and of the opposite sex.

People get dumb inside of a relationship and begin to repress their thoughts, emotions and even actions in some cases, all for the sake of being in the right.

Ask yourself: is it wise for a married couple to pretty up and hit a club together? No. Why? Because face it, that's where people go to seek a partner. If people went to clubs to innocently just party, why would they make themselves attractive to go there? Because they're not only there to party but also to MINGLE. Coincidentally the name of this site.

My point being is when you already have a full gallon of Milk in the fridge, it's pointless to go to the milk factory.

Now I'm not saying you're evil for wanting to socialize within a relationship. Socialize, yes. But do it when appropriate and WHERE appropriate. You're with someone now. THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. Take it into consideration that your actions determine your partners' emotional response. Understand that if you hang around a sexy woman too long, your wife is going to get jealous. If you have dinner with a male friend, your husband is going to question you.

But in the end, monogamy isn't natural. We're trying to cure something that goes back to the stone ages and it's just not going to happen.

Most of my friends are female, and all of my absolute best friends are females. And I have no problem with a girlfriend having her guy friends that she hangs out with as long as there's nothing going on behind my back. As important as the relationship should be, other friendships should be just as important. Besides, no one on earth has the right to tell their significant other who they are and are not allowed to spend time with.
One of my best friends just up and disappeared on me for almost six years because her boyfriend at the time wouldn't let her talk to anyone, especially other guys. One of my last girlfriends was incredibly jealous, possessive and paranoid, and she didn't like the fact that I had other female friends that I still continued to associate with (including married ones with kids who live across the country), and that was a big part of why I broke up with her.

You can be in a relationship and still have outside girl or guy friends, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Most of my friends are men. I don't get together with them all that often to begin with. But I do see them less often when I'm dating someone simply because people like to talk and I don't like putting my boyfriend in a position where he feels he has to defend senseless rumors.

I have several friends that are men. If a boyfriend were to tell me I couldn't see these friends, or could only see them when he said it was ok, that would be a huge red flag. I'm not into men who are controlling like that.

It's normal to be just friend's with the opposite sex. If it wasn't, we'd be having sex with all of em not caring about consequences. That would be crossing the line.

Am dead jealous when a guy comes around my gurl more especially when i don't know this guy.......My gurl is free to keep male friends,but am supposed to know everyone of them and she is not visiting any without my consent...

"Friendship between a man and woman is a sugarcoated water-downed word for courtship. There is no such thing as friendship when it comes to the opposite sex."

except for acquaintance of partners and the occasional group from work or whatever I agree with this

no one has said that anyone is planning to tell their partner waht to do. it sounds like some on here are a little paranoid about that and may want to ask themselves why.

we each have our preferences and comfort levels and expectations. Hanging around with other men with out my partner is not something I would do as in my "culture" it is considered disrespectful. so for example I would know better than to get involved with someone like Keith....we would know better than to get involved with each other. it would not work. :) I would never tell my partner with whom to associate, but if I don;t approve of the associations we would have to break up/ or not get further involved.

Absolutely not. If I commit to a relationship all the joking and farting around is over. I mean she and I will always have fun and play with each other. I quite seriously believe in monogamy. That's what I think, the way I feel. Every one is entitled to theirs, though. If she has friends, time to choose. Either I get to stepping or take the boots to every tom, dick and hairy(someone posted on another thread), I choose the former.