Beauty is only a light switch away.


Friends don't let friends take home ugly men


If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.


Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"


Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.


No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her ****.


At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.


It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.



Make love, not war. -Hell, do both GET MARRIED!



If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.



If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
Congress!



Express Lane: Five beers or less



No wonder you always go home alone.