A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free beer. The bartender says "nobody gets a free beer here unless they impress me, and I'll tell ya that doesn't happen often." So the man opens his left pocket and pulls out a frog that starts dancing like fred astaire. The bartender is so amazed he gives the man a free beer.

A week later the same time of night, the guy comes in, same thing, asking for a free beer. The bartender this time says "well a dancing frog isn't going to impress me so you better have a new trick." The man then opens the pocket in his jacket again and pulls out the frog. He then pulls out a tiny piano from his other pocket and the frog starts playing a mozart piece. Again the bartender is amazed, and gives another free beer.

The next week there is a bit of a crowd waiting for the spectacular man with the amazing frog. The bartender doesn't even wait for the man to ask, and just mentions he wants to see what the trick is this week. The man pulls out a mouse, that starts to sing like frank sinatra. the bartender then says "Rather than a free beer, why not sell me that mouse for 1000 dollars cash" The man thinks for a second and says sure. The bartender goes in the back to get it. A man from the crowd asks "why would you sell such a marvel for so cheap." Without pausing to think even one second, the man laughs and says "The frog is also a ventriloquist."

too cute

ba da bump

heres one for ya

Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side. An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey! How about it babe? You and me?"

As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars."

She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?"

A blonde, redhead and brunette sit down at a table in a bar. The waiter comes over to take their drink orders and he first ask the redhead what she would like. The redhead says she would like a c@c. The waiter says oh, crown and coke, very good choice. He then asks the brunette what she would like and she says she would like a J@C. The waiter says oh, Jack and Coke, very good choice. He then asks the blonde what she would like and she says she would like a 15. The waiter says he has not heard of that one. The blonde says, DUH!!!, I want a seven and seven!

After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said: "What can I get you, gorgeous?"

The woman, blushed and replied: "If you're sure you don't mind, I'll have a large stiff one, please."

The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the woman's ear: "Would that be before or after I've got the drinks?"

what's the difference between a bartender and a proctoligost?



the proctoligost gets to deal with the a$$holes one at a time







(I've gotten a lot of shots for this one)