MRS BET LYNCH
ROVERS RETURN
CORONATION STREET
WEATHERFIELD

15th Aug. 2007.

NEWTON & RIDLEY
BREWERY LTD
WEATHERFIELD


Dear Sir,

REPORTING OF AN ACCIDENT AT WORK.

I would like to report an incident which occurred to my new bar cellar man, Mr Jack Duckworth. As you well know, owing to the refurbishment of the ROVERS INN after the recent fire, a great new deal of equipment has been installed. The tragic accident to Mr Duckworth occurred during the tapping of the new type of barrel for the first time.

A brief description of the incident is as follows:-

The first thing he had to do was to see that the bunghole was clear so that there would be no trouble in setting the cork hole and bunghole on the same level. To achieve this, he bored an eye-hole near the cork-hole on about the same level as the bung-hole.
Unfortunately, there was a pot-hole near the manhole in the cellar floor, and in trying to drill the eyehole, he slipped and, instead of inserting the bung in the bund-hole, he drove the bung-hole up his arsehole. He was bending at the time, and the bunghole went clean through his arsehole, and out through his ear-hole.
You will gather, as I am sure, that the poor chap was in something of a dilemma. He could either put his arm in the cork-hole and draw the barrel through the bunghole, or put his foot through his arm-hole, and pull the barrel through his arsehole.
He decided to do neither, but to cut a new hole near the cork-hole, which was blocking up his arsehole. The eye-hole, which you might term, the peep-hole, enabled him to see his ear-hole through his arsehole, but preventing him from tapping the barrel, because in putting his foot through his armhole, he caught his bollocks in the bung-hole. So, in desperation, he stuck a pipe in the cork-hole near the bung-hole, laid the barrel on the man-hole near the pothole, drove a wedge between his bollocks and the bunghole, and pulled the barrel backwards through his arsehole.

Yours sincerely,

Bet Lynch. Landlady.

P.S. He was then able to tap the barrel with little or no inconvenience whatsoever.

holeeee molleeeeeee

kinda reminds me of that one song alices resturaunt