Relationships can provide immense joy and personal satisfaction, but they can also be frustrating. Like everything good in life, a good relationship takes time and effort. Building healthy relationships is easy, if you have the right tools. Knowing some basic tips for healthy relationships not only provides a basis for strong relationships now, but sets the stage for future relationships as well.

Begin by recognizing the signs of a healthy relationship. It should be free of stress, mutually respectful, physically healthy and satisfying, and allow each party to maintain their individuality outside of the relationship.

1. Realistic Expectations
This is true for any relationship, but particularly important when considering a romantic relationship. You may have found your prince charming, only to discover instead of a horse, he’s riding a llama. You want to live in his castle, happily ever after, but he has an admitted case of wanderlust, and doesn’t like to live in one place longer than a year. Opposites may attract, but while you’re admiring his quirkiness, take some time to examine what you can really be comfortable with.
Be willing to put the same amount of time and effort into a relationship as what you are expecting to get in return. The more comfortable you are with yourself and your expectations, the less likely you are to be disappointed with a potential relationship. Changes in yourself are possible; changing the other person never works. If there are behaviors in the other person you’d like to change, reconsider the relationship now. It may save you both a lot of heartache, not to mention precious time.

2. Focus on Strengths
Know yourself as well as you possibly can, both in terms of your relationship needs and your lifestyle. Look at the relationships of the people around you, taking mental notes about what you like and don’t like. While you’re at it, take a look into the past, at your own family and gauge how your growth might influence who you are attracted to now. Be confident in who you are and your accomplishments. Successes in your life—both personal and professional—are important to maintaining a confidence level that provide strength when dealing with relationship issues.

3. Fight Fair
Disagreements are a given in any relationship, and indeed are necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship. The dynamics of having a disagreement that doesn’t escalate into a full-blown war of words—or worse—takes effort and practice on both sides. When you find yourself in a volatile situation, take a minute – or as much time as you need – to avoid responding with angry words. Equally important, don’t throw arrows of old hurt.


Leave past transgressions where they are, and focus on the issue in front of you. When you’re wrong, say you’re sorry – and mean it. Be prepared to compromise, and when the issue is resolved, let it go.

4. Establish Boundaries
If moving slowly in a relationship is your goal, make it clear immediately. In a dating situation, how much information do you want to divulge about yourself on the first date? On the second? Boundaries define the space, both emotional and physical, that you need to meet your own expectations. Respect the boundaries in the relationship, but be open to change as well.

Flexibility is essential as the relationship evolves and grows, because your needs and wants will change along the way. If necessary, write a list of both, and refer to it when you come to a point in the relationship that has you feeling uncertain. Number one on your list should be a zero-tolerance rule for abuse. Boundaries include setting up parameters for a physical relationship, should the relationship be headed that way. Be upfront immediately about what you expect, and don’t expect, when physical intimacy enters the picture.

5. Recognize Warning Signs
This includes the presence, or indication of, any kind of abuse – physical, emotional or verbal. If you feel pressured in any way, become physically intimate before you’re ready or begin bonding emotionally, take time to rethink where you are in the relationship. Time spent alone is an important part of any relationship, and can act as a boundary when uncertainties arise. A hallmark of a healthy relationship is low or no stress.


If you have a gut feeling, give it some attention. Take time to think about what’s giving you pause.

6. Be True to Yourself
While taking into consideration the feelings of others is an admirable attribute, when it comes to forming healthy relationships, being a bit selfish up front is a good thing. Focusing on what you need, and determining if the relationship can fulfill your basic expectations, is critical in the early stages of a relationship. This means not taking on too much right away in terms of the emotional needs of the other person. Be wary of taking on the problems of others. Maintaining a healthy relationship may sometimes mean stepping back when necessary.

7. Be Honest
The best place to start is with you. Be honest with yourself, about what you want, need and feel. Be sure the words that come out of your mouth match the feelings that are taking place within you, and the logic in your head. This is often the most difficult task in establishing a relationship. We all have the basic need to be loved and wanted, and when differences in opinion or lifestyle threaten that, the impulse to please often kicks in.

If your relationship has a trouble spot, jot down some notes to organize your thoughts prior to a discussion. Writing down your feelings is often easier, but be sure to communicate face to face on serious issues.


8. Open Communication
Not surprisingly, this is the single most important factor in establishing and maintaining healthy relationships. Open and frequent communication will, above all, go far in establishing trust in your relationship. Listening is an essential part of communicating. Have enough time set aside to have a conversation, and be prepared to listen as well as talk. Resist the temptation to interrupt. Ask questions, and remind yourself to be fair and flexible.

9. Be Yourself
Be as open emotionally as you can be. It’s healthy, it shows respect for the relationship and it can lead to the most satisfying and joyful aspects of being in a relationship.

10. Practice, Practice, Practice
Using the tools for healthy relationships takes practice, even for those who have success with healthy relationships. The key is to keep going; the more work you put into your relationship, the more rewarding it will feel when you are still happy together after many years.

Openness, honesty and a desire to be your personal best – and expect the best in return – will pay big dividends in relationships that are satisfying, healthy and bring you happiness. Keep working at your healthy relationship, and you are sure to be rewarded ten-fold with happiness.

Do You Fight Fair?
No relationship is perfect, and at some point you're going to have a confrontation with a coworker, neighbor or someone you love. Disagreements can be a way to respectfully voice your opinion and carefully consider the other person's thoughts - or they can be an all-out, name-calling fiasco. Is your fighting style fair or do your quarrels need a referee?

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Good advice...Thanks for posting all the tips and insights...I agree that it's definitely important to "fight fair.".. I think this might be hard for some people who become dead-set (and addicted) to "winning" at all cost... People like this view compromising as a sign of weakness. (When it doesn't have to be taken this way.)...As kids our parents were suppose to teach us how to "share" and consider the wants and needs of others...I don't know how many times my parents reminded me that I wasn't the absolute center of the universe. (I heard this over and over again!)...Anyway thanks for posting the "good advice." I think we need guidelines at times to overcome some of the bad habits we might have picked-up in the past. Don't you?

Greeneyes, thanks for your comments. I agree with what you said here.
Often times, people who are just dating, do not respect one another in many ways. I feel, if more people follow advice like this, about relationships, it may work out for the better. However, we all know that on datesites, many are seeking just "dates." Relationships, are much different than just dating, and need to be worked on by both people involved.

That's a lot of regulations to remember...

I have a short attention span... I can't read those long posts.

Fight fair? So are we talking the battle of the sexes here?

What about "All's fair is love and war..."


okay, is it okay to throw pots and pans? Vases?

Maybe it is not important for some to know about how to help build a real relationship.

I think I got the communication part down, but I'd need a list taped to my forehead to remember all the rest.

How about I just treat them with the respect and dignity I want to be treated? And listen?

I can tell these rules were written by a woman.
A man would never give out this kind of advice, or take this kind of advice.

("Yes, that dress makes you look fat.")

All you need to remember is .... the love.

All the rest comes naturally.

Just love each other.

I don't think we are suppose to be "brutally honest." Maybe honest in a caring and diplomatic way...I brought one of my local female friends some french vanilla coffee the other day. She said she liked this flavor. And I wanted to bring her a little gift since she and her husband helped me with a few things recently...Anyway I saw my friend a few days later and asked if she had tried the coffee yet. She said: "I did and I hated it!"...Guess it's normal to be "brutally honest" in her culture. (Kind of like kids who just blurt things out without regard for the "impact" on others.)...Anyway I told my friend that I was sorry she didn't like the coffee. She didn't say anything else to try to "smooth" the situation "over." (No "thanks for trying" or anything like that.)...We all come from different cultures and have different "ways" and "norms" I guess!

did u actually read it all??

I agree that one does not have to be rude to be honest. A very nice balance would to be politely honest.

For the coffee, you asked her if she had tried it yet and she could have been polite and said "Yes, I did have some and thank you so much for the gift."

You did not even ask her if she liked it. She was extremely rude. Maybe she was having a bad day.

I can do that!

Before or after my eyes blurred and crossed?

I agree when it comes to being "politely honest." Good term!....I like my friend and her husband and they can be caring in many ways...But it's obvious that we come from very different backgrounds...I live in a "melting pot" type of area that is still semi-rural. So I have to adapt and adjust to different cultures. Plus we get "invaded" by "snowbirds" from all over the place who stay here during the cooler weather months...Oh we have "weekenders" too who come here to sail in their boats or gamble in the casinos...I never know how people will "act" when I go out or spend time with new friends...Most of the time I'm a loner and just do my own thing...At least I know and understand my own culture!