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| Topic: Three for Tuesday | |
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Edited by
uk1971
on
Tue 01/22/13 05:38 AM
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There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers." And the congregation said, "Amen" Volunteer Fire Fighters One dark night in a small town, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will donate $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out and delivers them to me." But the roaring flames held the fire fighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them. Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Local volunteer fire department composed mainly of fire fighters over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these elderly fire fighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance that was as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the towns old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes. The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly fire fighters. A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the 75 year old fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?" "Well," said the chief, "The first thing we gonna do is fix the brakes on that f***ing truck!!" A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?". The husband looks up, "Do you remember 25 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car having sex?" "Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 25 years?'" "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today."  
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You are too funny!!!!
I love reading your jokes and quips!!! Keep em coming! |
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