Just woke up from a dream that was no dream at all
saw my whole life flash in my brain
from what i saw
if i were to die today
my life will have been of no great impotence
all my life i've been torn into two
between being something or being nothing
between doing what's wrong or what's right
it's like half of me is trapped in the dark
the other half shining in the light
i'm no villain but i'm also no saint
now i'm old but the fight still goes on
i don't think it will ever come to an end.
it's tough hanging on the balance of two opposite ends
where every good deed is replaced by something bad you did
in time you realize
your life resembles the edge of a blunt sword on your opponents chest
'completely useless'
'to die alive'
is the most ridiculous phrase
ever said by any man sane
but when your life is a real experience
to whatever the man meant
the phrase makes more sense
than any proverb you ever heard.
my life defines
'what it's like to be dead!'
if miracles still do happen
if you ever resurrect from your death
you'll find out first hand what it's like to be me
'a walking corpse'
a zombie to the human race.

these days i can't even stand to look at myself
it's easier to believe in hell than believing i once liked myself
in the bathroom; i'm staring
in front of the mirror; i'm searching
trying to find myself
what!
who has taken my place?
i can't recall seeing this face anywhere else before today.

everyday
i lie on the couch all day
my mind very far away
trips down memory lane
walking on lines of part events
none worth a smile
only more pain
if you've never seen ghosts before
well, you haven't looked through my eyes yet
my every single deed has come back to haunt me
maybe the devils proclaimed all evil break lose on me.
all these aches
have taken a lot away from me,
it's ironic, how the more i pray
the more i break,
sometimes i ask myself
'what happens when you run out of reasons to live?'
then i stand still as i try to listen
i hear no voice calling out my name
maybe my mission's complete, my life has come to an end and all that remains is for the grim to collect on his debt.

sometimes i just take time to cry
at the back of my head
i know the tears i shed
won't turn what's black to red
but crying makes me feel better about myself,
sometimes i wish i could drill a hole to my brain
to let the pressure get away
another hole to my heart
to drive the pain away
but as you well know 'wishes are not horsebacks for horsemen'.
just like an entrepreneur takes risks in her businesses
i too have taken big risks
by investing my adult age
in helping people out of misery in war stricken states
i thought when people depend on you
it can change the way you look at yourself
but so far nothing has changed
i'm even in a more deeper grave than i was before,
i've discovered the hard way
life's not your business place
where there's something to gain
from all the stress you get, for every extra hour spent
but life's a temporary living experience depending on the choices we make everyday

WoW! This one takes me down a very sad and lonely road... excellent expressions.. but heart and soul breaking...

I cant describe or put words into this, because im lost in thought. To many things come to mind. Excellent