The following sentences are actual writings from hospital charts:


The patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under your car for physical therapy.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

hope nun of those statements belong to any
of my doctors

Lmao! That's good

I remember some simmilar jokes, like there was a series of actual statements in a courtroom and one was..

How close were the cars at the time of the collision?

Heh, also some funny newspaper headlines like..

Police squad helps dog bite victim.