That excuse only washes on Halloween. Even old marrieds act willing enough.

I wish it were only Halloween but the military keeps me quite busy. Its all good though.

Im available from 7pm till 12pm

I can always make myself.....

Available.....

For the right someone!!!!!

I don't have a lot of free time these days, so if I'm not really into him, I'm not really going to be available. But, if I meet someone I really want to get to know, I'll make the time.

I don't think it's always an excuse. Working 2 jobs, I can definitely understand not having much free time. I rarely ever have a day off.

truthfully my kiddos have been through a lot of shnitz. They have needed one of us to be a rock. Something that is accountable and there for them. that role was left up to me without a vote. So for the next couple years, I am theirs. I work, now I mingle and I take care of my kids.

When I need me time, I hike. It seems a pretty small investment of time for a solid future for all. that I can do.

You are a good man HikerJohn, I don't what everyone else says.

Good for you! Really admire you! Your kids are lucky to have you!

It's always been hard for me to play "lady in waiting." (Even as a teenager.)...If I wasn't involved in a relationship (and didn't have a date for a school dance) I'd ask guys in some of my classes if they wanted to go to the dance with me just "as friends."...I loved to dance and never wanted to miss out on a special (and fun) night of dancing!...I had no problem asking guys out. And it all worked out "okay." It's just not my nature to sit around and "wait" to be chosen or "picked!"...There have been times in my life when I put up a "closed sign" due to my involvement with my sons. (Like Hikerjohn mentioned in his post.)...Or I was just super-busy in other ways. (Like working and raising my sons and putting myself through college etc.)...Right now I don't know what fate has in store for me down the road...I might run into another man I can't "live without!" (Like my husband!)....Or I might spend the rest of my life "on my own." I'm "okay" either way!...Years ago I started viewing myself as a "cake." (A "cake" that "tastes good" with or without "frosting!")....I met a man who felt he was "just fine" with or without a woman in his life!.. And we were a good "match-up!" (Because we were both independent and self-reliant individuals in our own "right!")...Through the years we loved serving as "frosting" and "icing" on each other's "cake!"...I'm back to being a "cake" with no "frosting" again but by golly I'm "still good" all by myself!

Personally I don't see anything wrong with being Single however you define it.

IMHO Single doesn't compute to defective, undesireable, undateable or even unmarriageable it is a choice. It is a general lifestyle to me. I can and did function quite well as a single parent and as a single employee, and now as a single retiree.

I never saw my job as a parent ever to dictate to the other parents in my children's lives so the transition from married parent to single parent wasn't all that traumatic to me or my kids. Yes they missed their father and later their Daddy who was more active of a relationship for them but as a parent I didn't see it as a split duty. You do what needs to be done.

I have never really seen myself as available or unavailable. Probably because I have often seen being thought of as available as equal to she can be used for favors as a "old maid" or the looser status of a hookup neither which really appeal to me. Maybe that is why I have stayed single so long because maybe I do appear "unavailble". I think most of my "co-workers" saw me as a team player and friend since we often did get together and those who had mates brought them along but I don't think I am great at "flirting".

I don't tend to talk about, display, my private life either, rare for me to take friends to my home, so Sometimes the only info about it is the gossip which I have been surprised to find is sometimes highly inaccurate. Either I am seen as not dating at all or married to the one guy I brought around to something two years ago. lol Being an army wife with a husband deployed it was not rare for my neighbors to hardly know my spouse. If he wasn't deployed he was working long hours and at the unit. Lot of my neighbors assumed I was married to a deployed soldier the first year or so I came to California to care for my Dad. That is especially true of my elderly neighbors or patients now that I make a serious effort not to make a point of advertiseing my personal life too. All I don't need is to deal with being stuck with somone's unmarriageable relative or a boy friend thinking the relationship breaches confidentiality or the necessity of paying me for services.

I do see a big difference in dating someone and "courting" with someone. To me just dating doesn't mean a lot. I ask people out on dates but I would not see that as chaseing a man for marriage. I have had to straighten a couple guys out on that one. I can date someone and stop and barely notice. And I date several avowed "permenently " single people even though I am what I would consider marriage minded. I am just cool about not trying to convert someone to a relation stutus I am looking for. And I did the same when I was raiseing my kids. There's or my kids were pretty much "off limits" for "the duration" of them growing up. As I was somewhat when my Dad was passing this last year from Cancer. You just don't throw opposite sex kids, especially teens or dependent seniors, into a family living situation even if they like each other.

I couple years ago I got the shock of my life when someone who I thought was an avowed Bachlor stepped up and said "Let's get married." I actually thought he was kidding (because I have never even kissed him) until he started crying. Devoutly religious he would eventually been miserable as a spouse and so would I Sometimes you think you are on the same page but you aren't.

I think when you are greiveing it is probably a good time to just say you are unavailable. It used to be widowed was and understood term of single and only friendly social support for a year or two but now days that can be construewed any which way to what used to be "walking wounded" to " merry widowed and buck wild for anything and nothing because the bills are paid don't need a partner" not unlike how it has also been applied to recently seperated or divorced. (To me seperated is still married but that is a whole another discussion). That needing a partner in our society is such a given now days is easier in some ways and more difficult in others. Seems like Single, widowed, or married has very loose definition in English and almost begs definition.

Be interested to know if anyone who speaks another language has terms that are more descriptive.

In my family when we loose a parent, spouse, child it is not unusual for at least the women to cut their long hair and/or wear darker clothing until the greiving period is passed. Other members make a decided effort to help and keep them included so searching for a replacement is not needed or welcomed until everyone gets over the loss. I wore my wedding rings for almost two years and many outside my family did not even know my husband had passed away. I think it made returning to a more normal situation much less stressful. If you are still greiving looseing someone you should not have to fend off the advances of someone.

I do kind of wish the dating sites had a status for seeking friends only. I know you can write that in your profile but I think it would be respected more if it was an official status.

I have been pretty lucky that I have made some same gender friendships and plutonic friendships but it has been a little more awkward.

Luckily people who know me better know I am true friends with both genders and I don't give a hang which gender my friends like so I have same gender couples and hetero couples as friends even though I date and would "court" hetero because I am not bi which doesn't bug me either if it is someone elses choice. Will say if someone wants to make it their issue then I am not their friend on any serious level because I refuse to discriminate against people for their private lives.

Two dying so close together would be hard on anyone. You have my sympathies.

Grieving takes as long as it takes.

It won't be rushed and can't be avoided for long.

You take as long as you need.

I can understand. It feels like dragging a ten ton anchor.

You will know when you are ready to let them go and make your fresh, new start.

I knew by using a cassette of songs she and I recorded together. Every once in a while, I put on the cassette and if I hurt, I would put it away.

Eight years of this and one day I put it on and remembered the good times and felt lighter.

I realized I had gone through it and could let her go. I never forget. And I don't feel like I was abandoning her by living.

I lost that tape and don't remember many of the songs. I still recall her face and she let me know it's ok, now.

I make no promises!

I do but that doesnt mean I have to keep them do I?

Keeping promises is for the birds, just ask my "friends", lol

I think all of you are funny, smart,and very expressive,any of you could bring something real to someones life

Thanks for your caring post. Sorry for your big loss....Thanks for sharing the "stages" you went through when you listened to your "shared songs" on the cassette...I'm glad you're doing better now...I haven't been listening to music lately because so many songs bring back memories and make me cry. (And I needed a little "break" from feeling sad and depressed.)....This is why I go over to the "politics" section so often. (To "think" about "other things" too!)

Count me in unavailable list,pl.

PacificStar48...Thanks for all you wrote and shared in your post. It helps!...Sorry you lost your husband and dad. Thanks for sharing how you've coped and dealt with being single again...I'm not really an extrovert. But I'm friendly (on a modest scale) when I'm out in public...I feel like I have a sign around my neck that says: "I'm not interested in dating or getting involved with anyone right now...Best to pass me by and move on to someone else who is available!"