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| Topic: What is your definition of dating? | |
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I see that you have some fast rules too that may get in the way of a good relationship. The assumption that he isn't into you if he doesn't try and kiss you on the second date. If we went out and I was massively into you, I still wouldn't try and kiss you until at least the 3rd date. I recently went out with someone who, I found myself. Spring about and after attempting a kiss after several 'dates' appointments etc, she expressed that kissing was very intamate to her and it made her feel uncomfortable. If I value what was started, then I back off and find her pace and desire for the relationship. If I value the other person, then her desire for how the relationship goes has to become as important as what I am looking for. Give and take. If not its all give or all take. Pretty simple to me. I guess I think of it more as being about preferences than anything else. I like confident men. Shy guys don't do it for me. So if they're into me, I want to know. If they're holding back that long, they're probably a bit too shy for me. Is it a "fast rule" that there must be a kiss on the second date?" No. |
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lol good topic dating is a mutual agreement to spend time together during a specific time period like an appointment, but on a social level an appointment to meet and get to know more about someone, An appointment sounds so formal! in my opinion, so is 'dating' agreement, appointment,,,,,but its a one to one exchange that ends when each go home without any further obligation in my opinion We just have very different ideas on dating. I don't want dating to be formal at all. I want it to be fun and to be relaxed. If it's so formal, it won't be much of either. |
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Some of the best dates I've were $10.00 and park around the corner.
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Some of the best dates I've were $10.00 and park around the corner. 
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Ok, ms Sing. I'll get a little serious.
Wherever I might meet someone and there's potential for spark, we exchange numbers an I ask when would be a good time ti call her. After talking a couple times and we have commonalities, we agree to go to dinner. Around here, it's Mexican, Chinese or Sirloin Stockade. Afterwards, I would ask if she'd like to go to the mall and get a frozen yogurt, icecream, etc. Sit there talking. Take her home. Then call in the morning and let her know I had a very nice night out with her. Tell her to have a great day and maybe call her in the middle of the week to see if we could get together again come the weekend. I wouldn't push sex or a kiss. I would feel her vibes when and if the time came fo affection. That better, kiddo? 
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Dateing is more of directed purpose for me than just hanging out with a person but not nearly as serious as "courting".
Dateing is kind of a meet and greet to some degree the first time but I think just emailing, calling,skyping, or chatting in person if you already know them can get past a lot of that first date baloney. Dateing is not fornicating to me but I am not so prissy that kissing, touching, cuddeling is out of the question on a progressive scale. I am a very tactile person once I warm up so if you are the kind of person who doesn't like a hug or the other end of the spctrum expects a "test drive" well that is going to be an exclusion. I don't want to be attached at the hip to even the greatest love of my life but if I dated someone and rarely hear from them I am going to loose interest. More than once a guy has come around and said I thought you knew I liked you and I said yes but I am not a "get around to it" kind of gal and if you want something you have to "step up to it." I really believe 99% of the reason people are alone is they just don't ask the person they could have in there life to be there. |
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Ok, ms Sing. I'll get a little serious. Wherever I might meet someone and there's potential for spark, we exchange numbers an I ask when would be a good time ti call her. After talking a couple times and we have commonalities, we agree to go to dinner. Around here, it's Mexican, Chinese or Sirloin Stockade. Afterwards, I would ask if she'd like to go to the mall and get a frozen yogurt, icecream, etc. Sit there talking. Take her home. Then call in the morning and let her know I had a very nice night out with her. Tell her to have a great day and maybe call her in the middle of the week to see if we could get together again come the weekend. I wouldn't push sex or a kiss. I would feel her vibes when and if the time came fo affection. That better, kiddo?
Sounds good! |
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Ok, ms Sing. I'll get a little serious. Wherever I might meet someone and there's potential for spark, we exchange numbers an I ask when would be a good time ti call her. After talking a couple times and we have commonalities, we agree to go to dinner. Around here, it's Mexican, Chinese or Sirloin Stockade. Afterwards, I would ask if she'd like to go to the mall and get a frozen yogurt, icecream, etc. Sit there talking. Take her home. Then call in the morning and let her know I had a very nice night out with her. Tell her to have a great day and maybe call her in the middle of the week to see if we could get together again come the weekend. I wouldn't push sex or a kiss. I would feel her vibes when and if the time came fo affection. That better, kiddo?
Can we clone this guy? 
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Dateing is more of directed purpose for me than just hanging out with a person but not nearly as serious as "courting". Dateing is kind of a meet and greet to some degree the first time but I think just emailing, calling,skyping, or chatting in person if you already know them can get past a lot of that first date baloney. Dateing is not fornicating to me but I am not so prissy that kissing, touching, cuddeling is out of the question on a progressive scale. I am a very tactile person once I warm up so if you are the kind of person who doesn't like a hug or the other end of the spctrum expects a "test drive" well that is going to be an exclusion. I don't want to be attached at the hip to even the greatest love of my life but if I dated someone and rarely hear from them I am going to loose interest. More than once a guy has come around and said I thought you knew I liked you and I said yes but I am not a "get around to it" kind of gal and if you want something you have to "step up to it." I really believe 99% of the reason people are alone is they just don't ask the person they could have in there life to be there. How is courting different? |
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Edited by
PacificStar48
on
Sun 09/30/12 12:14 PM
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Courting is that serious stage exclusively momogomous before marriage where you really step into developeing a level of intimacy and bonding. You get past the usual limits and work out relationship boundries, set goals, blend family and friends, share financial, medical, and business problems. Probably care for a problem or actually "fight" about some things. Usually there is less modesty and more natural contact. For some it means sexual contact with out procreation. Usually it is spending longer periods of time together. Some unoffically live together. Vacation somewhere together.
Usually very romantic and hopefully stress free as possible but more close to really couple time than dateing. Often people throw parties together for each other and for the couple. A happy time. Usually there is a proclamation of engagement. People and friends generally know they are an exclusive relationship unless the engagement is ended. |
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Courting is that serious stage exclusively momogomous before marriage where you really step into developeing a level of intimacy and bonding. You get past the usual limits and work out relationship boundries, set goals, blend family and friends, share financial, medical, and business problems. Probably care for a problem or actually "fight" about some things. Usually there is less modesty and more natural contact. For some it means sexual contact with out procreation. Usually it is spending longer periods of time together. Some unoffically live together. Vacation somewhere together. Usually very romantic and hopefully stress free as possible but more close to really couple time than dateing. Usually there is a proclamation of engagement. People and friends generally know they are an exclusive relationship unless the engagement is ended. Ah, ok. So to you, dating means less time spent together and no sexual contact. It doesn't necessarily mean that to me. I think there is casual dating and more serious dating. Sex comes into play whenever the two are comfortable with it. For some, it will be fairly quickly, for others, it will of course take longer. |
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I don't know if I would say no sexual contact but of course that is open to definition too. And developes by stages.
How I would kiss a date to close a date that I really enjoyed would not be the peck on the cheek I give a friend at a birthday party or a mistletoe kiss. The guy I have dated most this last year I could probably kiss for extended periods and I very much like being physically close to him but I don't tease. There is a decided sexual contact to how we are attracted but he knows I don't do certain levels with out committment. I would not be surprised if he gave me a ring for New Years or maybe my birthday. He knows I am ready to go to the next level, or move on, and that he has competition. I think we will be meeting some of his family and coworkers during the holidays. |
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Edited by
willing2
on
Sun 09/30/12 12:58 PM
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Courting is that serious stage exclusively momogomous before marriage where you really step into developeing a level of intimacy and bonding. You get past the usual limits and work out relationship boundries, set goals, blend family and friends, share financial, medical, and business problems. Probably care for a problem or actually "fight" about some things. Usually there is less modesty and more natural contact. For some it means sexual contact with out procreation. Usually it is spending longer periods of time together. Some unoffically live together. Vacation somewhere together. Usually very romantic and hopefully stress free as possible but more close to really couple time than dateing. Usually there is a proclamation of engagement. People and friends generally know they are an exclusive relationship unless the engagement is ended. Ah, ok. So to you, dating means less time spent together and no sexual contact. It doesn't necessarily mean that to me. I think there is casual dating and more serious dating. Sex comes into play whenever the two are comfortable with it. For some, it will be fairly quickly, for others, it will of course take longer. I find, when sex becomes part of it, there'd best be a good understanding if one party want's NSA sex. Some see sex as a promise to be exclusive. I have no problem with NSA sex. |
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I don't know if I would say no sexual contact but of course that is open to definition too. And developes by stages. How I would kiss a date to close a date that I really enjoyed would not be the peck on the cheek I give a friend at a birthday party or a mistletoe kiss. The guy I have dated most this last year I could probably kiss for extended periods and I very much like being physically close to him but I don't tease. There is a decided sexual contact to how we are attracted but he knows I don't do certain levels with out committment. I would not be surprised if he gave me a ring for New Years or maybe my birthday. He knows I am ready to go to the next level, or move on, and that he has competition. I think we will be meeting some of his family and coworkers during the holidays. Whoa Ho this is exciting!! Hope it goes how you both want it to...keep us posted! |
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I think you said it just fine, msharmony But thanks! Perhaps we need to bring back dating guidelines? 1st date - public place, 2-3 hours maximum (leave em wanting more) 2nd date - public place, a few hours, maybe with mutual friends. 3rd date - holding hands and perhaps a goodbye kiss. 4th date - excited to see if that kiss holds it's promise. Three dates should take a minimum of three weeks to occur with one phone call in between for a short chat and to confirm date 2and 3 plans. Overly simple maybe (what do I know - not having had a date in a few years) but dating is a process that should be enjoyed and leave both people an easy way to say 'thanks but no thanks'. Since my husband died I have dated a little only to get the 'bums rush' each time. I am not rich, overly beautiful or easy, don't think I give off signs off wanting an instant roomie... Why the rush? It screams to me of neediness, desperateness, traits I do not find attractive and which send me home alone shaking my head about how grown supposedly mature men (people, I am sure this happens the other way around too) can get a simple date so wrong. Wow, so many rules! I'll be honest and say that if I didn't get a kiss by the second date, I'd probably assume he wasn't interested in more than friendship. And if I really like someone and want to see them again, I'd definitely want to do so before a week was up. I'd also probably talk to them more than once in between. But, that's why I made this topic. I was curious what others thought. I agree it is a lot of rules but I was just trying to make a point about dating being a time of trial and learning. Seems so many people are wanting to jump into bed (or the back seat etc) the first time they meet. There is a place and a word for that but it isn't 'dating'. Guess I just want a slower pace, time to consider and to feel. Rules are made to be broken, everyone has their own comfort level. Maybe too the anticipation of wanting the first kiss makes it sweeter, surely you know if a kiss is there for the asking....I thought my last first kiss was my last first kiss, perhaps I simple want to be a little more sure about what the kiss might mean, that said please spare me the No guarantees speeches - I know them, just that a little extra time might help avoid some potentially painful mistakes. |
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Not a date yet.....
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I think you said it just fine, msharmony But thanks! Perhaps we need to bring back dating guidelines? 1st date - public place, 2-3 hours maximum (leave em wanting more) 2nd date - public place, a few hours, maybe with mutual friends. 3rd date - holding hands and perhaps a goodbye kiss. 4th date - excited to see if that kiss holds it's promise. Three dates should take a minimum of three weeks to occur with one phone call in between for a short chat and to confirm date 2and 3 plans. Overly simple maybe (what do I know - not having had a date in a few years) but dating is a process that should be enjoyed and leave both people an easy way to say 'thanks but no thanks'. Since my husband died I have dated a little only to get the 'bums rush' each time. I am not rich, overly beautiful or easy, don't think I give off signs off wanting an instant roomie... Why the rush? It screams to me of neediness, desperateness, traits I do not find attractive and which send me home alone shaking my head about how grown supposedly mature men (people, I am sure this happens the other way around too) can get a simple date so wrong. Wow, so many rules! I'll be honest and say that if I didn't get a kiss by the second date, I'd probably assume he wasn't interested in more than friendship. And if I really like someone and want to see them again, I'd definitely want to do so before a week was up. I'd also probably talk to them more than once in between. But, that's why I made this topic. I was curious what others thought. I agree it is a lot of rules but I was just trying to make a point about dating being a time of trial and learning. Seems so many people are wanting to jump into bed (or the back seat etc) the first time they meet. There is a place and a word for that but it isn't 'dating'. Guess I just want a slower pace, time to consider and to feel. Rules are made to be broken, everyone has their own comfort level. Maybe too the anticipation of wanting the first kiss makes it sweeter, surely you know if a kiss is there for the asking....I thought my last first kiss was my last first kiss, perhaps I simple want to be a little more sure about what the kiss might mean, that said please spare me the No guarantees speeches - I know them, just that a little extra time might help avoid some potentially painful mistakes. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go at a slower pace :). |
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I think you said it just fine, msharmony But thanks! Perhaps we need to bring back dating guidelines? 1st date - public place, 2-3 hours maximum (leave em wanting more) 2nd date - public place, a few hours, maybe with mutual friends. 3rd date - holding hands and perhaps a goodbye kiss. 4th date - excited to see if that kiss holds it's promise. Three dates should take a minimum of three weeks to occur with one phone call in between for a short chat and to confirm date 2and 3 plans. Overly simple maybe (what do I know - not having had a date in a few years) but dating is a process that should be enjoyed and leave both people an easy way to say 'thanks but no thanks'. Since my husband died I have dated a little only to get the 'bums rush' each time. I am not rich, overly beautiful or easy, don't think I give off signs off wanting an instant roomie... Why the rush? It screams to me of neediness, desperateness, traits I do not find attractive and which send me home alone shaking my head about how grown supposedly mature men (people, I am sure this happens the other way around too) can get a simple date so wrong. Wow, so many rules! I'll be honest and say that if I didn't get a kiss by the second date, I'd probably assume he wasn't interested in more than friendship. And if I really like someone and want to see them again, I'd definitely want to do so before a week was up. I'd also probably talk to them more than once in between. But, that's why I made this topic. I was curious what others thought. I agree it is a lot of rules but I was just trying to make a point about dating being a time of trial and learning. Seems so many people are wanting to jump into bed (or the back seat etc) the first time they meet. There is a place and a word for that but it isn't 'dating'. Guess I just want a slower pace, time to consider and to feel. Rules are made to be broken, everyone has their own comfort level. Maybe too the anticipation of wanting the first kiss makes it sweeter, surely you know if a kiss is there for the asking....I thought my last first kiss was my last first kiss, perhaps I simple want to be a little more sure about what the kiss might mean, that said please spare me the No guarantees speeches - I know them, just that a little extra time might help avoid some potentially painful mistakes. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go at a slower pace :). Barry White slow? 
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