Reports are that it should be warm and sunny for the start of the Olympic games.
I feel sorry for the triple jumpers.


A security guard at the Olympic Games village in London saw a man dressed in athletes attire carrying a long stick.
He approached the man and asked,
“Are you a Pole Vaulter?”
The man replied,
“No, I’m German. And how did you know my name is Walter?”


An Irishman was walking around the Olympic Village carrying a roll of chicken wire under his arm.
He’s approached by a Security Guard, who asks,
“What are you doing here?”
The Irish guy replies,
“Sir. Oim ‘ere for da fencin’.



Did you here about the Irish Water Polo team at the Olympics?
Three of the horses drowned in the first five minutes in the training pool.

Question: What connects a former marathon champion to the current one and the future one. Answer:nationality-KENYAN

Mexico has stated they are not going to have a team this year. They said the reasoning behind it is that all of the Mexican's who can run, jump and swim are in the US.

100 METRES SPRINT

Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

Another event Mexico got excited to get signed up for this one until he read the definition...................

FENCING

Entrants will be asked to dispose of as many stolen goods as possible in 5 minutes.

They also announced that the Olympic flame will not pass through Norwich...

They don't want to risk the Torch Bearer being tried for Witchcraft.

It's the 2012 Olympics. The final of the Hammer Throw event is shaping up for an exciting finish. It's all come down to a Russian military officer, an American farmer and an unemployed Scouser.

The Russian throws first: 85 metres, just short of the world record.

Interviewed after the event he said, "My grandfather was in the military, my father was in the military and I am in the military. This gives me strength and discipline."

Then the American throws: 88 metres, breaking the world record.

Interviewed after the event he said, "My grandfather was a farmer, my father was a farmer and I am a farmer. This gives me strength and discipline."

The Scouser saunters up to the nets, gobs at the TV cameras and slings the hammer 95 metres, breaking the world record and winning gold for Great Britain.

Interviewed after the event he said, "My grandfather was unemployed, my father was unemployed and both said to me, 'If anyone ever puts a hammer in your hand, throw it as far as you ****ing can'."

The 2012 Olympic games opening will have great lights, huge bangs and the guaranteed surprise thrown in here and there, the Taliban are confident it'll be the best

A gymnast is on the way to the 2012 Olympics when someone starts screaming and says she's itchy so she scratches her skin. . her coach says "Whats the meaning of this" she says I am a Gymnast go to a gym and then I get ticks on my A** its not my fault. she was later disqualified for giving the crowd flea and tick medicine.