look up profile of a sociopath, if two or more descriptions fit, run like hell! idk... seems she was too easy to walk off and be so vicious about it and in a matter of a few days has a change of heart. does this other guy know of her intentions to try to get you back? is she going to leave him hang with a viciousness too? idk...just wondering. hate to see you walk back into the fire and be hurt again, although i understand you still love her. sometimes love isnt enough when its only one sided. jmo...

the fact that you are even considering a talk with her shows a lot about your character. sounds like you can put the past behind you and live in the here and now, but can she? she may have thought the grass was greener and jumped the fence to see. now she may have realized that you are a true man and worth supporting. you may decide to give it a go, but she has to decide to work it just as much as you will. it may all boil down to trust, do you feel trusted? and can you trust her?

i feel everyone makes mistakes (some bigger than others) and a second chance is all someone may need to get back on track. the problem is when you lead with your heart it's very easy to slip into the role of an enabler, giving the other person a free pass to act a fool with no worries about any consequences

i guarantee i guarantee that no matter what happens between you and her, your relationship with your child needs to be separate from your relationship with her in order for your love to overcome the issues the child will be subjected to. godspeed
(bulldog double guarantee - patent pending)

Run, fast. That is easy for me to say, but it looks like she wanted a fling. Do you mind her cheating on you in the future? You can love and be there for your daughter without your ex.

She will only hurt you again, it's not worth yanking your daughter around from "married" to "separated." Sometimes they burn their bridges like she did.

EDIT: It's really up to you on how you view the whole situation. I only talked on the little bit you shared.

Well from the information given it is kind of hard to draw any definite conclusions.

I read your profile but not any posts so really don't know that much about your personality.

Doesn't show if this was your only relationship but if you have track record problems and the fighting has gotten as hostile as suggested it might not be so onesided on who needs to do what.

Not knowing if the three kids involved are siblings or you are and active parent to all kind of sets up several dynamics that could feed into the situation. Just the distinct age difference in the boys and the daughter suggests she might have been a "surprise" or even a second family? And different gender often influences who and how people parent. Or even who is going to be the primary parent. That can stir up a lot of feelings that never occured before.

Blended families have their own challenges but not knowing if that is a fact is kind of troublesome.

Not to mention a relative new Mom when at least this relationship hit the bricks. I don't tend to give total lattitude to the whole hormonal thing but it is a big factor. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and ignore the snipeing that is hormone driven even if it feels like you have a possessed devil one minute and this beautiful tender person the next.

As would be say a 40 something pregnancy. I don't know about your spouse but it would not be uncommon for an OBGYN to all kinds of additional "procedures" and pressure on a "mature" mother or for her to have real self esttem issues about how hard it is to recover from a later pregnancy.

You don't mention if this pregnancy was your idea or hers but if you made the contribution it is likely that you are going to get at least 50% of the fallout. Maybe more if you did not use protection or voluteer for the much less invasive preventive permenant solution.

Or if it was a remarriage pregnancy how nuch pressure might have been put on her to make parents happy or accept her as a true wife. Subtle pressure that you may not even know about.

Or resentment that if she was starting to enjoy the idea of maybe having some freedom from 24/7 parenting of younger children or enjoying the teen years of the older children. Big age gap in your kids.

You don't mention if her career took a hit like it always does being pregnant.

Or that at forty something if your friends are not continueing to have small children it can be the demise of some highly valued friendships.

You don't state her age so no telling if this relationhip has any generational challenges or financial hardships.

You are 40 something maybe she is stressed about your employment situation? When baby makes five and Dad is up to his eyeballs in supervisiory position working long hours or the naybe marginal insurance suddenly becomes and issue again it is easy to get overwhelmed. You don't say if you make pretty substantial money or not but with even senior employees getting laid off in droves it has to be stressful.

You suggest that there are some changes needed but not what you feel they need to be so I am wondering how much you are willing to or have contributed to the need for those changes or will.

You clearly state that she told you that your relationship was over before she moved on but it sounds kind of snide that you want for him to be labled as a zero and you the hero just because she is admiting the rebound relationship was a flop. Hardly anything to glote about in someone's life if you say you really love them. So the viciousness doesn't sound real one sided. Not a good sign for either of you to have another relationship.

Do I think it is cool that she did move on so fast after you or is contemplateing and exit stradegy with you from her current relationship? Not particularly but it doesn't make you sound like a real winner flirting and cooing and sexting with someone elses partner so I kind of wonder if this is how the marriage got started. Sounds like it might have been doomed from the start. As is a very good possibility for this reunion.

Not saying it can't work but dictateing terms rather than straight forwardly negotiateing a slow and steady healing process most likely aided by both of you seeking counseling and parnership skills would seem the only chance for it being a success. In the grand scheme of things you could choose to be together and get past this "vacation" but it won't be easy.

Hope you take these general questions or premises not as accusations but as possible points to ponder in your decision process.

You would not be the first or the last to end up remarried and happy if you both set your mind to it. I always hope for healing and reunification and know it is possible.

reading all these,youre mind and heart must be really confused by now..if its me, i would get rid of all the what ifs,this is my lovelife so i will follow my heart,for if i'm wrong,its my heart that gets broken,if it is my financial affairs, id get an economist's advice.this is where 2nd chances comes in,id also be checking my shortcomings,for it takes two to tangle,yep not tango!and if again im wrong and was scorned again,i dont worry,sure! i'll bleed and break and hurt like hell,but im also sure i'll heal

.,and i dont have any what if's to live by...i love the person,and to share love again with him is what makes my life worth it,so why not..this is living,and loving,in its spiciest platter..i may not be able to take the heat but thats ok..i might at one point,cmtemplate an exit but at least i was there and knew whats it like...but this is all,if its me.,goodluck!

Can you live with the fact that she most likely slept with someone else? I think trust is imperative to a relationship. I think you may never feel safe & secure in the relationship again. Can you see the trust and security you need as a man restored?

A good friend of mine said something to me that seems to sum this whole thing up.
He said " You only get out of love what you put into it"
I believe this to be true, sure sometimes the scales are tipped differently at different times ,but if you are both putting a lot into it it will survive, if you aren't it won't.
The OP can go from woman to woman but if he isn't putting his share into the relationship it won't work, same goes for his EX.

Thank you all. For better or worse. She and I are back together.

good on ya mate. i'm sure the talk you had with her influenced your decision. now keep the lines of communication open. talk to her often. if you are pressed for time, leave her a note. you both need to keep focused on each other to build back what was damaged. you both have a long hard road ahead of you, but it can be done together. godspeed, bulldog
for better or worse, semper fi

Hope everything works out. All relationships have crisis and maybe this was yours. Best of luck.

Thats wonderful! Maybe you both needed that little breather to know how much you really mean to each other.
I hope it works out for you.

Stay tuned for the ending..... lol

Historically I've given the "whatever was wrong in the first place is still wrong" advice when someone asked this kind of question. I'd also like to think I'd take my own advice, but I'm not so sure anymore.

What your logical brain and your emotional heart say may be in conflict. For those of you who pooh-pooh emotional response - if your emotional self wasn't involved in the first place, there probably wasn't a loving relationship and you won't think twice.

Just my current belief. Good luck with your dilemma...it's pros/cons on both sides.

Wishing you the best!

was just about to check on the latest...good to know there's 2 less lonely people in the world...best wishes,quietman!

Wow do you have some anger issues not all women are bad

Hope this couple gets the training they need to have a good relationship. If both sides want it bad enough to make it work it can work. With kids involved and the desire to see things from the other side has soften a lot of grizzly bears into teddybears.