Dogs always think you're smart and don't make fun of your shortcomings

Dogs are willing to sleep on a rug and fetch on command

Dogs spend less time worrying about hair loss

Old buddies don't show up on doorstep unexpectedly

Dogs are utterly disinterested in professional sports

Your parents find them easier to like

Dogs are rarely jealous of your former boyfriends

Dogs are willing to hold your purse in public

Unlikely to roll over and lose consciousness immediately following intense play

Dogs don't complain when you want to go for a walk

Dogs are willing to eat anything you put on their plate and will always want more

Dogs tend to bath themselves daily, men must be encouraged to do so

You can put a dog in a crate when you don't feel like having it around

Dogs expect to go outside on leashes... men think they can do everything on their own

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.

Dogs miss you when you're gone.

You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.

Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.

Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.

Dogs don't criticize your friends.

Dogs admit when they're jealous.

Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).

Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.

Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.

You can train a dog.

Dogs are easy to buy for.

Dogs are good with kids.

Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.

You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.

Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.

The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)

Dogs understand what NO means.

Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.

Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.

Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.

Dogs do not read at the table.

You can house train a dog.

You can force a dog to take a bath.

Dogs don't correct your stories.

Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.

Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.

Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.

Dogs love to dance

Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.

Dogs admit it when they're lost.

Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.

Dogs look at your eyes.

Dogs like your size.

Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.

Dogs take care of their own needs.

Dogs are color blind.

Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.

Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Dogs are nice to your relatives.

Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.

Dogs don't care how you dress.

My two personal favorites:

Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.

Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake. (OMG were you watching me?!)

Gotta luv those dogs.