"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:...
What was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!....
Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful as you....
have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to
love....
After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life....
I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....
that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts
you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!....
I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Before you go,....
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married....
but not to you."

"You look great for your age....
Almost Lifelike!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die
for me....
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you
kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me
for my best friend....
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time....
What do you say we call it quits?"

"I'm so miserable without you....
It's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a
sinking ship and there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"Your friends and I wanted to do something special
for your birthday....
So we're having you put to sleep."

"Your kisses are sweet, your hugs are passionate....
But compared to your sister, they're only second rate."

damn it tom!!! those are great. hope you don't mind if i use one or two.

I never knew hell....
then i met YOU!

If i get only one thing for christmas
I hope its your sister...

The holidays are a great time for family.

Of course, your family wont be with you, since i am taking the kids and moving in with my sister...you cheating ass.

these are great!

i agree they are great

i actually bought this card once.

a poem for you (on the front)

(inside)
here i is.
there u am.
damn damn damn.
damn damn damn.

real card