In my experience with dating sites, whenever I showed interest in a guy whose religious status was "Catholic", I'd be vastly disappointed to find that the guy assumed that a sexual relationship will still be involved. All of them have said in some way or another, "Oh, yeah, I don't think about that stuff, but I was raised Catholic" thinking this is well enough. This irritates me because I'm still a growing Catholic, but I take to heart that Catholicism is more than just how you identify yourself, but that it is the way one lives his or her life. My Catholic values include no pre-marital sex, going to mass every week, and living up to building a Catholic family one day with strength in prayer.

If I could afford the money to go on serious Catholic dating sites, I would, but I'm stuck with the free sites that lumps everyone of varying interests from casual encounter to marriage in one place. Am I the only one out here that feels this way? Am I the only one who has seriously thought about how I answered my religious affiliation, or should I just cancel my account and just save the money to pay for the other sites now?

You mean to say that you attend mass every week and there are no single men there?

Gotta be way better than a single site.

save your money, just date who you wanna date... kinda closes your options when you just wanna date in a certain religion... there are some good people out there that are not catholic.

Adventure Begins: I know there are single guys going to mass, and I even busy myself with church events such as young adult group, but those men either already have a girlfriend, in the process of courting another girl, or just not interested in a relationship. Basically, no guy "looks" to be looking for a relationship, or at least none have approached me.

mightymoe: I'm fine with dating outside of religion, but I guess you can say Catholic men have a priority, heh heh. I don't doubt that there other sweet, wonderful guys out there, especially since I'm not looking for anything too serious at the moment, but the guys outside of my religion who are just looking to date tend to expect a sexual relationship from me, and then lose interest once they realize how serious I am about not having one. I guess the most I can expect at this point is a lot of "guy" friends. :\

I applaud your values: "My Catholic values include no pre-marital sex, going to mass every week, and living up to building a Catholic family one day with strength in prayer." I was raised Catholic, but am now a Church of Christ Christian. I too have these same values. I feel like no matter what religion is listed there's a high chance that sex is anticipated. I was married for 25 years and I do miss sex, even tho' it wasn't that great with my ex. I hope you find just the right person, Catholic or other Christian faith. May the luck of the Irish be with you.

Thanks, Julia! That is much appreciated and very affirming.

I am patient, I'm not looking for my future husband today, but sometimes I wish that there was a better to know where to look or at least to meet someone that despite differing values, there can be a mutual respect for them.

I know exactly how you feel Samkura, I have this similar problem. Not specifically "catholic" or not. But believing in God or not. It's hard to find a God loving spous out in this world these days. Keep your head high Sam and keep living and loving. Your man will come along.

Stick to your faith.

Any man that cannot respect this is not worth your light.

Nor equal to your spirit.

If your values are that important to you, I would suggest making those specific values very clear in your profile.




That doesn't tell a person too much especially when you consider that today some 98% of Catholic women use birth control.

So you have to be really specific about what your values are because even though it's no longer required abstain from eating meat on Friday, I know a lot of Catholic's who still follow some of the old rules and I know a lot of current self-proclaimed Catholics who decide for themselves what part of the religious tradition and dogma to incorporate into their values.

By the way, I have question for a 'real Catholic'. When it comes to lent what do you think would be relavent to the Catholic values system for someone to abstain from?

if your looking for a long term relationship, then being friends first is the best way to go, IMO. i wish i could have been friends first in past relationships. jumping right in the sack seems to be the norm now, and when a guy tells a woman no, that ends that pretty quick.

Thanks for your input, Redykeulous, I really do appreciate it. The beliefs and values of the Catholic faith are clearly defined, the question is how devoted are Catholics to those values. In our community, there is a phrase for people who pick and choose what of the Catholic faith they choose to accept or not: "Cafeteria Catholics". I don't doubt those people are Catholic and their faith is strong, but as Catholics we need to strive to stick to those beliefs as much as possible.

As for the 98% of Catholic women who take birth control, while some are on the pill for sexual reasons, there are other reasons for taking it. For example, the pill can be prescribed to sustain a regular menstrual cycle. Though we try as we might to avoid taking contraception, sometimes it may be necessary for medical reasons such as the one I described.

By the way, the church did NOT get rid of "abstaining from meat" on Fridays. Priests, as does the church, still advocate this fast. Rumors flew around last year saying it did, but it is not true.

I wouldn't call myself a "real Catholic", but more of a striving Catholic. I am not perfect, I still sin and I'm still accepting some teachings, but I am striving to understand and until I do completely, I prefer to avoid the controversy. By putting the PS, that was actually an act of my own frustration of this entire ordeal. My intention was to scare off one-night or sexual encounters and not to call the fellow Catholics to me.

During lent, when the word "abstain" is used, it specifically is in reference to not eating meat. In the Cathechism of the Catholic Church, it is detailed that there are precepts of the church "set in the context of a moral life bound to and nourished by liturgical life. the obligatory character of these positive laws decreed by the pastoral authorities is meant to guarantee to the faithful the indispensable minimum in the spirit of prayer and moral effort, in the growth in love of God and neighbor" (No. 2041). Furthermore, it continues that one of the precepts is to "...observe the prescribed days of fasting and abstinence" for it "ensures the times of ascesis and penance which prepare us for the liturgical feasts; they help us acquire mastery over our instincts and freedom of heart" (No. 2043).

I hope you all understand that I'm saying all this not to convert anyone or to say I am right or to put anyone down, this is simply to bring awareness and understanding to the traditions of my Catholic faith. For the rest of you who have replied, thank you for your encouraging words and support. I really appreciate the feedback.

God bless you all.

Redykeulous: I have changed my profile description so that it's not so vague. Again, thanks for your input!

I think one of the reasons is because we have grown up in a culture of "fast". Everything needs to either happen fast or happen at the moment. We get agitated and impatient just at the thought of taking things slow. People today are also impulsive. If you feel it, why wait? Just do it. I think people just need to put themselves in a state of patience. Everyone is worth getting to know at the very least.

Hi Samkura, welcome to Mingle.

You can't go by someone's listed religion to determine what they actually believe or what they adhere to. Changing your profile is a good idea, but quite honestly, most guys don't read profiles. Still, you were smart to be more clear with what you are looking for.

If you are striving to follow all of the teaching of the Catholic Church, I recommend you stick to dating other Catholics. Living a truly Catholic life is very difficult and you need a husband who is willing to follow the same path. Especially when it comes to family planning. The Catholic women I know who follow the Church's teaching (and they truly believe that birth control is a mortal sin and that is what the Church teaches regardless of what some priests tell you) have husband's who support them and are willing to care for the resulting children.

There are other issues, too, and I am NOT trying to dissuade you. I just know that you need to be very careful in your selection of a future spouse. Good luck to you and God bless you.

Oh, and I have been on the Catholic Mingle. It was a good site, but $25 a month. One of the questions on everyone's profile is which of the Church's teachings you don't adhere to and birth control and premarital sex were on the list. Almost all the guys do not follow the Church's teachings on these, but some did. But, at least it gave you a head's up right off the bat (assuming they are telling the truth).

Thanks for the encouraging words, Ruth, and you are right. As much as I want to just date, I should start looking in the right places, and Catholic Mingle is great because they do break it down that way (I have a free account), but you can't talk to anyone unless you pay
I am seeing guys there that are serious about their faith, but it costs money just to have a conversation. Am I allowed to put my email in my profile?

No they want you to pay and will forbid you from putting up any contact info in your profile.

Does your church have any activities that you could get involved in where you might meet single guys?

Oh, I just remembered there is a free site for very traditional Catholics. I will go find it for you.

Okay it's www.sedevacantistsingles.com

I'm not sure how active it is but your only going to find the most devout Catholics there. It was started by the CMRI which is the church I attend.

I have found that since Catholics are raised into the faith that there are many "Catholics" who don't really take it seriously and calling yourself Catholic (to me) could even mean an atheist raised in a Catholic family.

One almost has to distinguish Catholic (born and raised) with "devout practicing Catholic."

Jeanniebean: It really is a sad truth. I'm running into that case with people a lot lately, including some of my own family. It seems once kids grow up, go to college, and meet new people that are so passionate and involved in their own religions, they question their own and further distance themselves for it. It's nice that there is now a movement for Young Adult ministry in my area. It seems while kids struggle with their identity in high school the most, they struggle with their faith the most in college and beyond.

Ruth: Thanks a lot for the heads up and all you've said. I'll definitely look into it! I'm involved with a few ministries around the diocese so I am actually beginning to develop a network of fellow Catholics. Maybe one day I'll just be running in these circles and finally just run into my future husband.