When I first joined this forum I wrote a thread about a man I met. To quickly recap, I did not feel well and cut the meeting short. Also he was too "touchy-feely" for my liking.

Anyway, we resumed writing and texting and met again today this time on my territory. Although we did have a very pleasant day, I came to the conclusion that he is definitely not for me. I sat opposite him all the time except for the last 10 minutes. This time he did have a grope - and was quickly told "hands off". He knew I meant it by my tone of voice.

He went home and texted me to let me know he'd got home OK and that he'd e-mailed me (he lives quite a distance away). I have e-mailed back and told him there will be no relationship. I was kind about it and wished him well for the future.

Although we have a lot in common, for me there was no chemistry and never will be. I also have self-respect and won't jump into bed with anyone, and I won't compromise that. He did say he was very adventurous and experimental in bed and that set warning bells clanging with me. I want a LOVING relationship, not treated as a piece of meat by this man or any other. I don't want second best and anything with this man would be just that - second best and I deserve better than that.

I do hope he meets someone more like himself and can be happy.

As for me, I've got him out from under my skin and feel I can now move on.

Good for you for standing up for what you wanted and not tolerating being groped just to be polite.

Chemistry is a must. A person can be just as wonderful as can be, but if there's not chemistry the most you can hope for is friendship.

He was very clear that he wanted more than friends but I got the distinct impression that he's confusing lust with love. He seems to think that by jumping into bed, the love will come later. Doesn't happen that way, at least not for me.

Also got the feeling that he could be very controlling - he's a Scorpio and I'm a Sagittarian and as is my nature, I won't be controlled by anyone, nor am I going to fall into the trap of getting into the first relationship that comes along just because I'm on my own.

I want a relationship that is based on love and mutual respect and I'm prepared to wait for that and if it doesn't happen I'm also quite happy living on my own :)

That's wonderful that you know what you want and you are not willing to compromise your integrity. I aplaud you!

I can also relate to you as I have been in that situation as well...except it was a woman.

Continue to stay true to yourself no matter the cost...it can get lonely at time but that's better than settling for someone that isn't worth your values and respect because in the long run you will still feel alone with someone who doesn't get you.

Light!

Exactly and in the long run it wouldn't do him much good either so I ended it before it started and I have no regrets about that.

Light :)

I tend to think that way myself. If it happens, cool, if not, why bother worrying over it or forcing it? Those type of worries aren't worth salt. lol. I remember in your last thread, you mention how water signs may not work well with fire signs. Probably, to some degree. Afterall, fire puts out water, right? lol. Water signs are calm, and fire signs are firey of course. I'm just being a smartass again. lol. Glad you didn't let him dictate you. Your life is yours, not his :)

Oh boy!

You know what i meant.

The fire could evaporate the water and make steam but sooner or later it would have fizzled out. In his case, the water drowned the fire LOL.

There were a couple of times he showed a side I don't like. Struck me as a person who always has to be right. He's a good guitarist and plays a lot of gigs. I also play the guitar (learner but not too bad). I remarked that perhaps one day I'd maybe get good enough to play alongside him. He snapped back "No!" then added "Probably jam sessions where you only have to play three chords".

I thought "Hmm. Nasty". I won't be put down like that.

Then there was his impatience with my dog and my cats, yet he says he likes animals???

There were other things during the afternoon he said that I didn't particularly like and, of course, he took a liberty with my person which went down like a lead balloon with me.

I'm glad I had the second meeting though because I also learned a lot about myself. I learned that my initial instincts were spot on despite my feeling ill (and I still have a suspicion as to WHY I started to feel so ill that day) and that with all the trauma I've been through in the last year it's made me a much stronger person. I'm not afraid to say "no", this is not for me. I can wait for the right man to come along (hopefully). I'm definitely not going to rush into any relationship just because I'm on my own.

What I have decided to do though is have a holiday abroad later this year with my best friend (a divorcee) who's had a terrible time lately. She's lost her father, step-father and last week her Mum died suddenly. I am going to the funeral next week. All this has happened in the space of 8 weeks and she is devasted

And KLC

I absolutely do not want to be anyone's experiment either. What I want is someone who'll treat me with love and respect and I can do the same in return.

After yesterday's meeting, I thought on that film 9 1/2 weeks. Had I got into a relationship with that man, I couldn't help but think it could have ended the same way (shudders).

There's plenty of kind, decent men out there and one day I hope I will meet the right man.

The fire could evaporate the water and make steam but sooner or later it would have fizzled out. In his case, the water drowned the fire LOL.





There were a couple of times he showed a side I don't like. Struck me as a person who always has to be right. He's a good guitarist and plays a lot of gigs. I also play the guitar (learner but not too bad). I remarked that perhaps one day I'd maybe get good enough to play alongside him. He snapped back "No!" then added "Probably jam sessions where you only have to play three chords".

I thought "Hmm. Nasty". I won't be put down like that.

Then there was his impatience with my dog and my cats, yet he says he likes animals???

There were other things during the afternoon he said that I didn't particularly like and, of course, he took a liberty with my person which went down like a lead balloon with me.

I'm glad I had the second meeting though because I also learned a lot about myself. I learned that my initial instincts were spot on despite my feeling ill (and I still have a suspicion as to WHY I started to feel so ill that day) and that with all the trauma I've been through in the last year it's made me a much stronger person. I'm not afraid to say "no", this is not for me. I can wait for the right man to come along (hopefully). I'm definitely not going to rush into any relationship just because I'm on my own.

What I have decided to do though is have a holiday abroad later this year with my best friend (a divorcee) who's had a terrible time lately. She's lost her father, step-father and last week her Mum died suddenly. I am going to the funeral next week. All this has happened in the space of 8 weeks and she is devasted


Damn. Sorry to hear all those family members of hers died. Wow. They died pretty close after one another. I agree that maybe you felt ill because, at the back of your mind, you knew something wasn't quite right.

It was bad enough losing my husband last year, but to lose 3 in close succession - I can't even begin to imagine how my friend feels. Her Mum died of a heart attack in her sleep. My friend says she died of a broken heart which I also think as she and her husband had been married for many years and they, even in old age, never fell out of love with each other. I met them a few times and it was so obvious they loved each other deeply.

I'm happy that they're together again forever. It's my friend I'm worried about as she was very close to both of them, especially her Mum.

As for this man, I still wonder if there was something in that coffee and given his liking for "adventure and experimenting" I wouldn't have put it past him but I'll never know. Just glad I refused that second cup of coffee. Yesterday, I was in command, on my own territory, feeling 100% well (apart from still having one arm in plaster) so was able to weigh him up properly. It was a definite case of "Bye now".

A lot of people don't realize the points of separation with love and lust. It's unfortunate and can actually be kind of sad.

I try to be fully aware... many pursuits of lust aren't agreeable with all, but at least I know what it is and am taking it as such.
Honesty with self and with others.
Love's just more rare to come by.

Anyway, sounds like he wasn't able to be respectful toward you with the whole groping thing... so, no loss I'm sure.

This man said all he really wants is to love and be loved in return but to me, he's going about it in totally the wrong way then wonders why none of his relationships have ever lasted.

He's forgotten (or never realised) that most women need the emotional side first. He thinks that by going to bed quickly that the woman will instantly fall in love with him.

Unless he changes his attitude he's going to end up a very lonely man and yes, he definitely needs to learn respect.