When a cop pulls you and your friends over play some Barry manilow to solemn the mood you don't want to be laughing as they approach. Secondly when asked what you do for a living, make something up like for instance a rocket scientist. Sure they wont believe you but it is much better than "I am a pig farmer. I produce beacon and Ham ".

U forgot to mention didn't we go to school together at one point lol i say that cause here almost half the cops on our force i went to school with them lol

Oh my goodness that's crazy LOL. Oh and I almost forgot never, never eat a Ham sandwhich in front of them with a jelly donut in the other hand, you might get it confiscated.

it is crazy for a small suburb town almost everyone knows everyone lol maybe that why i never got a ticket lol

Sounds like the place I lived at while in the army. My nearest neighbor was a mile away and most in town were Amish which wax pretty cool.

I took my grandson out for pizza when he was three. As we were eating dinner, 3 police officers walked in the door. My grandson's eyes opened wide and he said, "Mamaw, the cops is here!!" I smiled and said "Yes, I see that." One of the officers heard my grandson and walked over to our table and said hello to my grandson. My grandson looked up at the officer and asked, "Does you yike donuts?"....lol. The officer said that he did and grinned at me....making me want to crawl under the table

well our police station is next to a dunkin doughnuts lol

Oh my goodness this thread needs to be placed on some sort of hall of fame or something. That's crazy funny with the cop and your grandson Hehe. I actually got out of a speeding ticket on my way to a Dre once. I was late out of work lbecause I had gotten promoted to private first class and picked up some flowers on the way off base. As the state trooper pulled me over he Sen the flowers and asked where I got them. I told him and he let me know that I reminded him that it was his anniversary and let me go. So now days I try to keep flowers handy, you never know what ill remind someone of, thy and never know if ill meet someone.

A traffic warden approaches a man who's just getting into his car that he left on a double yellow line. They exchange a few terse words before the warden decides to take down his details.
"Profession?" the warden barks.
"I'm an arse hole stretcher." says the man calmly.
The warden looks at him blankly. "A what?"
"An arse hole stretcher," the man repeats. "we stretch arse holes. We do it gradually, of course. First we stretch them to a foot, then to two two feet, and then to three until finally we get them to between five and a half to six feet."
"What the hell do you do with a six foot arse hole?" asks the bewildered officer.
"Generally we turn them into Traffic Wardens..."

(sorry, don't know the american for a traffic warden but they are neo-nazi civilians who work for the local authorities who hand out parking tickets)

We call em Parking Nazi's!

We call them meter maids and sometimes we call them things I wont say in polite company.

ok what never to say to a Police Officer is, "Would you please hold this while I look for my License".

I usually say "sorry ossifer, but I swear to drunk I'm not God."

lol i got one that i bet none of you have done.. i was waceing a friend in WA state we somehow passed a cop that nither one of us say i pulled over as soon as i saw the lights when he cam up to my car he said "son do you know why i stopped you?" i said in the most polite way i could "officer i do" he simply replyed "why" so i looked up at him and said with the straitest face i could "because you want one of my dounuts" then i reached over to grab one for him and he walked away... so i ate it lol.. of corse i got a ticket.. that sucked to..

Arrest me! (oh the irony)

..i noticed in my rear view mirror that you were speeding back there..can i see your license...

ROFL i gatta try that one lol

. Hilarious. Was gonna comment that earlier, but my damn cell phone battery ran out :)

LOL this tread makes me think I just heard my old Jr. High crush is a local cop now. If he pulled me over now I could not resist asking him if he still wanted to show me his big gun. I thought he would grow up to be a doctor lol.

Ask a cop- We know the best cop jokes

Things not to say to police officers:


1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

2. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

3. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

4. Are You Andy or Barney?

5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.

6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

7. I pay your salary!

8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

11. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"