Having a conversation with my sister and it got me to thinking about this word called "love".

I've seen so many posts here over the years about people complaining about the use of this word. "It's real if..." "It can't be real if..." And, on and on.

On one point I agree. Love is not a feeling. It does, however, create feelings. Just like fear can produce negative feelings, love can produce positive feelings. But, love is more about an attachment to someone or something and there's really no accounting for how it comes about. Or doesn't come about.

So, when I say I love someone, I am expressing a deep emotional attachment to that person. However, it does not necessarily mean that the relationship is going to be good. Or even possible. When I think of love, I immediately think of my children. I love them. Unconditionally. However, if they became abusive or destructive, I would not allow them to be near me. And, yet, I would still love them.

Telling someone you love them is not a promise or a commitment. If love was all it took to be in a relationship, relationships would not be so hard. But, it takes more than love. Love is not enough. It is, however, an incredibly amazing start.

I think its because we've seen in the movies those moments where the lead character always shouts out those words almost like its supposed to be life changing. I guess to a certain factor it can be. But I believe you can definitely hold an attachment to someone for a while. Love can mean anything to anyone. Just saying those words, sometimes when I hear them, in my head I go "really? wow" I really want to ask "why do you love me?" sometimes.

My sister believes in this too. Just saying those are words don't spring anything worth getting excited about. I see the word love on the bottom of a tree actually. And I guess once love is cemented, it grows higher, each branch as you get higher and higher represent your deep affections to that person. Showing someone over telling them is love to me. It can mean something greater, who knows? The context of the word is so misused over the years, I think its not the word that most are afraid of. Its what comes with it. Most people are afraid of the passion and the intrigue. Letting themselves go...completely falling stupid/crazy for someone. Getting attached to someone else IS the bigger answer here, not the meek words.

What an insightfull post.

I understand what you are saying.
I love my dad, yet I am so very gratefull that he lives 2000 miles away.
I love my children, but they do have a tendency to drive me nutz.
I love my cat, in a commited relationship with her, but I am not going to marry her. She would not have it.LOL
I loved my ex. I would love for him to fall off the planet. But that in no way means that I ever want to go back and relive that horror.
I love my computer, with out it I would be lost. Yet, it is a rocky relationship at best.
I love my friends and family. There are all varring degrees of relationships that we are involved in every day.
I love my gloves, but they are never there when I need them.

So yes, I am attached to my dad, family, friends, cat, gloves and even ex (we had children together). It is an attachment to people and things.

I love. (Now I am just waiting to be loved back just as deeply.)

Sometimes love is a weapon. Used to keep someone in line and thrown out there as a word to justify the cruelty and pain they cause. I know someone going through this now.

In fact I had this conversation yesterday with someone on the definition of love and what it means. For me it means caring about others above and beyond what is normally expected. But for others... well, who can say?



Totally agree with this.

Love...........creates a wanting.....not just for the person...
but a wanting to please and be pleased. (not just in the bedroom)
It creates a longing......to be near that person........
You are sooo right in the comment that........
Just because we love.....doesn't mean we will always like them....or what they do.
It is an acceptance of their being, what and who they are....
Tho we may see a need for Change or guidance.....Real love will step away....and allow them to learn for themselves.
I learned this raising my children.
As time went on....I learned to let go, allow them their own path.
To love and encourage in spite of my own thoughts of right and wrong.
I learned to be.....completely honest with them about my life.
Today I see them, raising their own families.....and I see the Love I gave them, overflow onto their own children.
Thus.....I learend to carry these things over into friendships and relationships.
Life, Love.......
They are Growing experiences!!!!!!!
Just how it looks out my.....Window!!!!

That is not love. That is manipulation. There are sociopaths and a million other "...paths" that are incapable of love. They are only capable of hurting someone for their own benefit. They have, however, learned to use the words and actions needed to manipulate the rest of us.

I am not talking about those people.

Lots of truths here.

Movies and Hollywood have created an automatic happy ending to the words. (NO, I'm not talking about THAT kind of happy ending, you pervs)

People are afraid to use the words because of the expectations they feel go along with the words. Because of people like Kart brought up. Those who use the words to manipulate you and place expectations on you.

LOVE the tree ananolgy!

Just never stop loving.

To me...that is real love.

Neither am I. But often times the person being affected by that manipulating person DOES love the person hurting them. For whatever reason, and as such, their own love is used against them as a weapon. It is the same as using someones kindness or generosity to take advantage of them or destroy them.

I am probably over thinking it considering the current situation.

Yeah...my sister brought this up too. I gave the tree analogy and she's like "wow, that totally explains what I've been going through with this guy." Granted she's had A LOT more experience with men than I have but she always comes to me when she has a guy problem.

You can love someone but not like them. Don't know this one too well? lol

Think of it this way...........

I have a brother. He is my brother for life. He is my....Blood.
I love him dearly.....unconditionally.
But I dont necessarialy like him.
I dont agree with some of his thought processes, behaviour or methods.
Just some things I don't Like about him.
But......
He is my.....Brother.

I think family or friend. Its all the same to me.

Your friend has love and when you open yourself up to love you open yourself up to being hurt by the person you love.

What your friend does not have is self-love. Self-love is necessary to a healthy relationship. I love myself. Therefore I am capable of loving someone else AND being in an emotionally fulfilling relationship.

that word is from the devil.
that's why i only say it to my kids.

interesting, yes. it's possible to love friends & family but not always agree with them. And I think people do sometimes shy away from love in fear of expectations but they are separate things

love is not expectations but we still have them sometimes

romantic love is the loss of self & any expectations that eventually evolve would be there regardless - we expect someone to be responsilbe and reliable - we expect honest & open communication - we expect loyalty. those expectations will be there in ALL friendships to varying degrees depending on what kind of relationship it is....and those expectations will exist independently of love.

Like my son & his friend - I love my son, I tolerate (out of love for my son) his friend but I expect good & decent behavior from them both

and expectations can get a bad rap for no reason. we all have them all day every day...keeping expectations realistic is the key whether it is a love relationship or another kind

That is beautiful Ruth.

I LOVE my kids ... Everything else is negotiable

I agree. That's pretty well been my experience with love in relationships and the pain leaves a horrible scar. However the love of my family and friends is quite different. They are there for me when a partner isn't. they are there for me to help me through the pain that relationships cause me, they are there for me to remind me that life can be lived quite fine without being in a relationship. Damn right; I love these people and would die for them. I don't believe that men my age are capable of that kind of love in a relationship. Too much history for them has passed and they will always take their frustrations of the past out on me. I know this sounds cycnical but there is also a reality to my statement.

That's beautiful Ruth.