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| Topic: Response = interest? | |
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If you send someone an email and they respond, do you assume they're interested? Or, if someone sends you an email (could be about anything) do you assume they're interested? Yes, of course. I go out and buy an engagement ring and a box of condoms every time  naturally we all believe you
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If an email is sent and response is made, I do not assume or intend interest. I respond to emails as a gesture of gratitude that someone took the time and worked up the courage to mail me something and vice versa. TO determine interest, I base it on the frequency and content of the mail. Although, some boys have no problem immediately stating their interest in only having sex with me, and in that case, a reply is rarely made. This makes loooods of sense to me. I do assume there is some level of interest in the first email tho. Even if its an interest in finding out if we could be interested in each other....an interest in potential. Since I sometimes send emails to people that I am not interested in romantically, I can't assume that all emails sent to me show interest either. I base that on what is said in future emails. Thats neat that we have such varied experiences. Since I dont email men or have private conversations with them, unless there is an inkling of interest, I assume the same of them. Not counting a conversation extending from a forum discussion acourse. Gosh, even then, the forum can be used as a bridge to a more private discussion to explore potential. I usually say, 'I will chat in the forums with you'. I have never even received an email from a man that did not suggest, flat out, an interest. They even say the words, 'Im interested' so I know Im not pulling my ideas out of the sky. But thats why we have different perspectives and it makes sense. I think we all make fundamental attribution errors on occasion so its good to see these variances. I think my age has also led my opinions on this. When I was younger, I held more of a similar perspective to what you've shared. Now that I am older, I just dont want to invest my energy in the lighter side of relationships as much, with men, unless we've bonded from something already. From what I've read in these threads, I seem to do things differently than a lot of ladies here. I do email people just to chat quite often. Then again, I have several male friends in real life as well who are just friends. So that's why I've always thought it was weird that someone thought I was interested just because I responded to their email. I've had to explain several times that a response does not equal interest. Some get it. Some don't. |
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I have had 2 male friends on here who I occasionally PM with. One said straight up in his first message that he just wanted to be freinds - we have some hobbies in common ... we are still friends and he is the only person from a dating - any site - who has my FB (because FB is family only or close life long friends)
the other man messaged me also about a hobby and with in the first few messages started getting intimate in his messages....when he said later that he just messages as a freind to a lot of different people, I felt deceived and we are no longer friends. so singme, I am a little skeptical when you comment about "friends" because of the latter expereince. But outside of that, I do share some of that quality more IRL than on here tho One good way to lose a good friend is to behave like man #2 |
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If an email is sent and response is made, I do not assume or intend interest. I respond to emails as a gesture of gratitude that someone took the time and worked up the courage to mail me something and vice versa. TO determine interest, I base it on the frequency and content of the mail. Although, some boys have no problem immediately stating their interest in only having sex with me, and in that case, a reply is rarely made. This makes loooods of sense to me. I do assume there is some level of interest in the first email tho. Even if its an interest in finding out if we could be interested in each other....an interest in potential. Since I sometimes send emails to people that I am not interested in romantically, I can't assume that all emails sent to me show interest either. I base that on what is said in future emails. Thats neat that we have such varied experiences. Since I dont email men or have private conversations with them, unless there is an inkling of interest, I assume the same of them. Not counting a conversation extending from a forum discussion acourse. Gosh, even then, the forum can be used as a bridge to a more private discussion to explore potential. I usually say, 'I will chat in the forums with you'. I have never even received an email from a man that did not suggest, flat out, an interest. They even say the words, 'Im interested' so I know Im not pulling my ideas out of the sky. But thats why we have different perspectives and it makes sense. I think we all make fundamental attribution errors on occasion so its good to see these variances. I think my age has also led my opinions on this. When I was younger, I held more of a similar perspective to what you've shared. Now that I am older, I just dont want to invest my energy in the lighter side of relationships as much, with men, unless we've bonded from something already. I think I may take this approach from now on. |
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If an email is sent and response is made, I do not assume or intend interest. I respond to emails as a gesture of gratitude that someone took the time and worked up the courage to mail me something and vice versa. TO determine interest, I base it on the frequency and content of the mail. Although, some boys have no problem immediately stating their interest in only having sex with me, and in that case, a reply is rarely made. This makes loooods of sense to me. I do assume there is some level of interest in the first email tho. Even if its an interest in finding out if we could be interested in each other....an interest in potential. Since I sometimes send emails to people that I am not interested in romantically, I can't assume that all emails sent to me show interest either. I base that on what is said in future emails. Thats neat that we have such varied experiences. Since I dont email men or have private conversations with them, unless there is an inkling of interest, I assume the same of them. Not counting a conversation extending from a forum discussion acourse. Gosh, even then, the forum can be used as a bridge to a more private discussion to explore potential. I usually say, 'I will chat in the forums with you'. I have never even received an email from a man that did not suggest, flat out, an interest. They even say the words, 'Im interested' so I know Im not pulling my ideas out of the sky. But thats why we have different perspectives and it makes sense. I think we all make fundamental attribution errors on occasion so its good to see these variances. I think my age has also led my opinions on this. When I was younger, I held more of a similar perspective to what you've shared. Now that I am older, I just dont want to invest my energy in the lighter side of relationships as much, with men, unless we've bonded from something already. I think I may take this approach from now on. I pretty much agree with the first post on there and could have written it myself - same with the last, and there's a lot of good insight inbewtween |
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I have had 2 male friends on here who I occasionally PM with. One said straight up in his first message that he just wanted to be freinds - we have some hobbies in common ... we are still friends and he is the only person from a dating - any site - who has my FB (because FB is family only or close life long friends) the other man messaged me also about a hobby and with in the first few messages started getting intimate in his messages....when he said later that he just messages as a freind to a lot of different people, I felt deceived and we are no longer friends. so singme, I am a little skeptical when you comment about "friends" because of the latter expereince. But outside of that, I do share some of that quality more IRL than on here tho One good way to lose a good friend is to behave like man #2 So, because of your experience with someone on here and feeling deceived, you're assuming everyone is the same? Sorry, but when I say "friends" I mean friends. I don't mean that I get intimate with everyone I chat with via private message. You don't have to do things the way I do. But, don't assume every situation is the same just because of what you have experienced. |
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I have had 2 male friends on here who I occasionally PM with. One said straight up in his first message that he just wanted to be freinds - we have some hobbies in common ... we are still friends and he is the only person from a dating - any site - who has my FB (because FB is family only or close life long friends) the other man messaged me also about a hobby and with in the first few messages started getting intimate in his messages....when he said later that he just messages as a freind to a lot of different people, I felt deceived and we are no longer friends. so singme, I am a little skeptical when you comment about "friends" because of the latter expereince. But outside of that, I do share some of that quality more IRL than on here tho One good way to lose a good friend is to behave like man #2 So, because of your experience with someone on here and feeling deceived, you're assuming everyone is the same? Sorry, but when I say "friends" I mean friends. I don't mean that I get intimate with everyone I chat with via private message. You don't have to do things the way I do. But, don't assume every situation is the same just because of what you have experienced. I don;t do intimate chats either tho adn don;t appreciate the "assumtions" you make. and don'tpresume to tell me what to do. I have had a 17yr marriage and 2 LTRs and a few more very successful short term relationships - I think I gotta handle on it those were simply examples singme - not a biblical proclamation - relax |
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I have had 2 male friends on here who I occasionally PM with. One said straight up in his first message that he just wanted to be freinds - we have some hobbies in common ... we are still friends and he is the only person from a dating - any site - who has my FB (because FB is family only or close life long friends) the other man messaged me also about a hobby and with in the first few messages started getting intimate in his messages....when he said later that he just messages as a freind to a lot of different people, I felt deceived and we are no longer friends. so singme, I am a little skeptical when you comment about "friends" because of the latter expereince. But outside of that, I do share some of that quality more IRL than on here tho One good way to lose a good friend is to behave like man #2 So, because of your experience with someone on here and feeling deceived, you're assuming everyone is the same? Sorry, but when I say "friends" I mean friends. I don't mean that I get intimate with everyone I chat with via private message. You don't have to do things the way I do. But, don't assume every situation is the same just because of what you have experienced. I don;t do intimate chats either tho adn don;t appreciate the "assumtions" you make. and don'tpresume to tell me what to do. I have had a 17yr marriage and 2 LTRs and a few more very successful short term relationships - I think I gotta handle on it those were simply examples singme - not a biblical proclamation - relax All I was saying was that you cannot assume everyone is the same, because that simply is not true. Some people are very friendly and chat with lots of people. Some people are flirty, but mean nothing more than just being friendly and flirty. I'm sorry you took things one way and got hurt when someone said he messages a lot of people as friends. Sometimes things happen that we don't like. You learn from it and move on. Next time you'll know that not every single guy only messages those he's into as more than friends. Sometimes they're just being friendly and flirty and wanting to chat. If that's not for you, no big deal. |
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She just said 'skeptical' which is reasonable based on the experiences she's had. I understand where youre coming from singme, but the phraseology is off a smidge. People can and do assume all sorts of things. While they are busy assuming something, they may also be well aware that their assuption is inaccurate. Its their choice how they conduct themselves with their personal assumptions. I have had male friends more often than female friends during the course of my life. The stage I am in currenly has me befriending more women than men. Im not sure, but I can assume its for the same reason I had before regarding investment in relationships. Hard to tell why we are what we are and when. Assumptions are often incorrect. And making broad assumptions based on one experience doesn't ever really work well. Assuming that I am doing the same thing the person did to her really has no basis, but you're right, people can assume whatever they want. |
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not necessarily. Assumptions have just as much chance to be true. I assume it'll cost me over 3 bucks a gallon today. Its more about how we conduct ourselves. I want to fill my tank so Im gonna be sure to bring enough to spend 3 bucks a gallon....or I could bring less and take a chance and maybe not get as much gas as I want. My choice, my behavior, my consequence. Knowing what gas is going to cost is based on what it cost every other time you've filled up. That's basing it on more than one experience. Not quite the same thing. |
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I have read it, but thanks.
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Edited by
singmesweet
on
Tue 11/08/11 12:27 PM
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No worries. People are going to make assumptions no matter what.
This is the one I had been referring to: I have had 2 male friends on here who I occasionally PM with. One said straight up in his first message that he just wanted to be freinds - we have some hobbies in common ... we are still friends and he is the only person from a dating - any site - who has my FB (because FB is family only or close life long friends)
the other man messaged me also about a hobby and with in the first few messages started getting intimate in his messages....when he said later that he just messages as a freind to a lot of different people, I felt deceived and we are no longer friends. so singme, I am a little skeptical when you comment about "friends" because of the latter expereince. But outside of that, I do share some of that quality more IRL than on here tho One good way to lose a good friend is to behave like man #2 |
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You guys get emails from people???????????? WTH am I doing wrong?  Thanks Ruth......this is what I am talking about.........I don't get emails either.....what's up with this???????????????? |
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You guys get emails from people???????????? WTH am I doing wrong? Thanks Ruth......this is what I am talking about.........I don't get emails either.....what's up with this???????????????? Trying emailing someone first. You wait for someone to make the first move then you will be old and grey or should I say gray for the Americans. 
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You guys get emails from people???????????? WTH am I doing wrong? Thanks Ruth......this is what I am talking about.........I don't get emails either.....what's up with this???????????????? Trying emailing someone first. You wait for someone to make the first move then you will be old and grey or should I say gray for the Americans. Imagine that. Sending emails gets emails in return! |
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You guys get emails from people???????????? WTH am I doing wrong? Thanks Ruth......this is what I am talking about.........I don't get emails either.....what's up with this???????????????? Trying emailing someone first. You wait for someone to make the first move then you will be old and grey or should I say gray for the Americans. Yeah; I love pointing out the obvious. Imagine that. Sending emails gets emails in return! |
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If you send someone an email and they respond, do you assume they're interested?  ASSUME??? Why the hell assumption is needed when u r sending & receiving mails? If u r frank enough to ask directly for what u r interested in then he/she will obviously let u know what they are upto,so where the question of mere assumption arise?? I think this is all ego related issue.Many people wish to judge others before expressing their interests & that's not my way. Or, if someone sends you an email (could be about anything) do you assume they're interested? If someone is criticizing me about something in the email then why the hell shall I ASSUME that they're interested?
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If you send someone an email and they respond, do you assume they're interested? Or, if someone sends you an email (could be about anything) do you assume they're interested? No and no. I dont like to assume anything until I know them better. |
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E-mail is like regular snail mail--You get junk mail:spam, you get bills:scammers, and you get (rarely) hand written letters from friends and family. So the point I am getting to is this, my bill collector is not interested in getting to know me better for any other reason to get my money. |
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I just read few posts in this thread.
Few r saying that they never start mailing on their own (as if they aren't needy at all & they are outstandingly attractive than others & others are born just to mail them some day)  (((JK))) Few are telling their tricks about assumption & concluding about judging others interests. After coming accross this thread I checked my mingle mailbox it's full & overflowing. Inobx 37 pages & outbox 35 pages. I guess mingle maintains mail history for one month.I'm not able to see mails more than a month ago. I've many friends here with whom I remain in touch always through mails. Many conversations are started by me & few by my friends too both are equally important for me. Scammers & fraud mails aren't difficult to understand & those are not really worth replying. I was never interested in dating & that is clearly written in my profile.As concluding is a tact likewise answering is also a tact.Whenever I felt someone is more than enough interested in me I tactfully made him/her aware of my limitations without hurting them. I had their opinions regarding my problems at work,career opportunities.I tried to mediate for matching them to whom they like. I also had a big series of mail with some of my funloving friends who daily comes up with very entertaining answers & reading their mails is always a big attraction for me. I mailed many forum friends whenever they were not seen in forums & they too replied to me happily. I also have some bad experiences like some denied even to TRY for friendship,but it's a part of life & OKAY for me. |
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