some say the way to a man's heart is through his mouth

but, this isn't the case if he is gay.. i am not gay

this i know.. women are different

they see things differently.. according to man

men are men.. woman are woman

either way we seem to disagree, similarly


when a woman wants to be with a woman

it's because she doesn't want to be with a man


and a man who wants to be with a man.. no different


i choose not to judge.. i choose not to budge

i find it more comforting to choose drugs over love

it's easy to stay disconnected when your already.. unplugged

i shrug.. you see.. life isn't always what you thought it ought to be


sometimes we have to sacrifice what we can't eat for some sleep

other times we find peace in war

as usual my mind is sore

awestruck stuck struck

fuked, plucking that chord

no longer can i be stronger moving forth

knowing why for.. i am a door..

double locked.. dead bolt and chained

inside a cage

a beast best left untammed

caring less and less about what others deem strange

aging while pacing back and forth
off course
of course
im on the top floor of a castle

not
to be ignored

where i am it's neurotic
mage

knowing you know i know we're all

deranged

a$$holes

who care

living in and out of our own nightmares

pointing in mirrored reflections selecting no one else to blame

for what is sane.. i hail all praises due to others as shrewd

getting screwed by mary jane

knowing every
day is all the same

blocked in.. shivering.. unquivering.. blanketing the pains

knowing when
i was falling all i had to do was reach for that
cane.. my source of comfort temporarily nurturing

a thought
without you i find heart to mind so discouraging

my seed.. my offspring.. frantically plotting

creeping.. crawling.. shadow brawling

craving the need to exceed all the wantings

warning.. warning.. this is me rotting

a scene seen screened as haunting

living without you my son

knowing that you are all i want

rest assured.. i always toss at a loss without you


i can't sleep


even harder to breathe
when you are all i need

food doesn't mean shitt.. without you i can't sleep

here i go again counting an infinity of sheep

wiping these tears that my eyes always bleed

Jesus,
why me?

God,
why not she?

where is the heart she ripped out of me?

oh god.. you make it hard to believe

how something so precious came from the flesh that is we

her and me..i want to believe we were never mean't to be

sharing the same idealistic destinies

caught up inbetween her, you, and me

to raise up a son for fun.. can't be free

as i pay the consequence through self pittied misery

o..m..M..G thee intensity!

yes God! i do believe!

the difference between one
plus three


the father
our sons

and the
holy trinity


please make me see

atleast, help me sleep

because i sure'em getting tired
of counting all these sheep.

I hate to say this but I started reading it then all of a sudden I could hear Eminem rapping the rest of it for me..Incredible write..

Just keep in mind that there can be comfort and rest had in the knowledge that there are 3 always with you... God, your son and yourself. What a trinity that is!! God knows your heart and Lil C is the reason for it but you are the tie that binds and keeps the trinity alive in this world. Draw strength and peace from that knowledge and let yourself rest