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| Topic: Empathy in men..... | |
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But it would just be nice to hear that they understand where I am coming from instead of "well you know everyone has pain or everyone has hardships in life" dismissive even. You say that you dont want pity, but when you say stuff like 'you want empathy, and understanding' and that statement above, makes it seem like you DO want pity. A person does not want to embarq on a relationship as though they are your therapist, nurse, or mom. Youre putting out the wrong energy for dating. That stuff wont get the naughty bits off the couch. Empathy is being able to see/feel another person's experience. It isn't pity. Nor is understanding pity. I don't want to be felt sorry for. I want them to see what my life is like so they know what they are coming into so they can choose whether it is what they can deal with or not. I am a very independent woman so I don't lean on people much at all. Which I consider a downfall of mine. I need to be able to balance when to ask for help and when not to. Also it is hard for me to know when is a good time to discuss these things and what should be the reaction afterwards. I have vacillated from complete disclosure to partial disclosure to no disclosure and with not much success. If I wait until we have had a few conversations and then drop the bomb, they act as if I was being dishonest. If I fully disclose then they think I am "being a sissy or I make them think they need to be a nurse???? or something.  Again women like to be understood that is why they talk so much and interact so much. So maybe I am looking for understanding more than empathy.  But that still doesn't change the OP question. Are we taking away our men's ability to show/share feelings/experiences (empathy) with others by our way of "toughening" them up when they are young? And telling them not to be a "sissy". when a man says to you "well you know everyone has pain or everyone has hardships in life" He has just made you his equal. This is a dating stance. Great! Why then are you looking for him to emote over your condition. Thats like saying "friend zone, rite this way". They will show you feelings when they feel comfortable with you. Men are more guarded with feelings. Quit asking your men to be as emotional as a woman. It will not make the naughty bits get off the couch. Get your 'understanding, feelings, empathy, sympathy from friends and family. ....and eventually from the man who comes to love you. I lilke this klc and agree I think it's good tho when meeting new people - men or women - as it takes time to become emotionally close. As a woman I do not like to be overwhelmed emotionally by new friends either - I can side w/ the guys on that one 
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But it would just be nice to hear that they understand where I am coming from instead of "well you know everyone has pain or everyone has hardships in life" dismissive even. You say that you dont want pity, but when you say stuff like 'you want empathy, and understanding' and that statement above, makes it seem like you DO want pity. A person does not want to embarq on a relationship as though they are your therapist, nurse, or mom. Youre putting out the wrong energy for dating. That stuff wont get the naughty bits off the couch. Empathy is being able to see/feel another person's experience. It isn't pity. Nor is understanding pity. I don't want to be felt sorry for. I want them to see what my life is like so they know what they are coming into so they can choose whether it is what they can deal with or not. I am a very independent woman so I don't lean on people much at all. Which I consider a downfall of mine. I need to be able to balance when to ask for help and when not to. Also it is hard for me to know when is a good time to discuss these things and what should be the reaction afterwards. I have vacillated from complete disclosure to partial disclosure to no disclosure and with not much success. If I wait until we have had a few conversations and then drop the bomb, they act as if I was being dishonest. If I fully disclose then they think I am "being a sissy or I make them think they need to be a nurse???? or something. Again women like to be understood that is why they talk so much and interact so much. So maybe I am looking for understanding more than empathy. But that still doesn't change the OP question. Are we taking away our men's ability to show/share feelings/experiences (empathy) with others by our way of "toughening" them up when they are young? And telling them not to be a "sissy". when a man says to you "well you know everyone has pain or everyone has hardships in life" He has just made you his equal. This is a dating stance. Great! Why then are you looking for him to emote over your condition. Thats like saying "friend zone, rite this way". They will show you feelings when they feel comfortable with you. Men are more guarded with feelings. Quit asking your men to be as emotional as a woman. It will not make the naughty bits get off the couch. Get your 'understanding, feelings, empathy, sympathy from friends and family. ....and eventually from the man who comes to love you. It would have been great had it been said to mean I was equal but that wasn't the tone of it at all. It was dismissive and minimizing. I don't expect "emotions" I am not sharing emotions, to expect them in return. I am sharing facts that happen to be personal. So I am not being emotional or "oh pity me", I am presenting the facts of the physical issues and restrictions I have that are out of my control. It can be inhibiting to choosing a date as I cannot be exposed to the heat of the afternoon in the park for example. I am not working on the naughty bits moving at all when I am first trying to establish if they are interested in a woman with special needs. It is important to me they are aware of what is going on. |
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