I have a nine-year-old autistic daughter. She:

1. has to be awakened 8-10 times before she'll get up
2. is a terrible grouch in the morning
3. leaves the empty milk carton in the fridge
4. is bossy
5. tries to take over the computer and/or the tv
6. drinks the last of the koolaide but won't make more
7. thinks everything can be fixed with duct tape
8. is constantly correcting me
9. ... and is usually wrong
10. has to constantly be reminded to pick up after herself
11. ... and wash her hands after going to the bathroom
12. expects to be babied when she's sick
13. ... but acts like I'm inconveniencing her if I am
14. eats everything in sight, but doesn't gain an ounce
15. thinks that what's hers is hers, and what's mine is hers also
16. takes a mile if you give her an inch
17. has trouble communicating
18. tries to get you to wait on her hand and foot
19. steals the covers at night
20. snores in my ear
21. has grandiose schemes
22. is obsessed with video games
23. pouts if she loses ... and gloats if she wins
24. frustrates the crap out of me
25. cannot be left to her own devices
26. has no concept of money
27. makes me laugh when I least expect it
28. has completely stolen my heart and I can't imagine life without her
29. ... in spite of (or perhaps because of) all of these things. I can picture myself growing old with her

TELL ME AGAIN, WHY WOULD I NEED A HUSBAND???

Removed.

Wow, if this is how a husband would treat an autistic child, maybe it's a good thing (for her) that I don't have one. You wouldn't punish a 2 yo for scribbling on the walls; you'd correct him/her. But a 10 yo should be disciplined more severely (like making him/her scrub the walls). To a 2 yo, a wall is an empty canvas; to a 10 yo, well, they should know better.

So is the same with an autistic child. You can't react to them with fear tactics; they just don't get it. You can't be visibly angry; they see it as a physical attack and any ground you covered on the subject will be lost in the emotions. It takes a good deal of patience and repetition to get through, because their logic comes from a different place than the "average" child.

You lost the whole point of the joke, Spider. Sheesh.

Removed.

It's become obvious to me that you don't get my sense of humor. That's understandable, I grew up watching British comedies, which made my sense of humor somewhat dry. Many people don't get it, so no problem. I'll avoid joking with you, so that we won't have any more misunderstandings.

Nope, don't get your sense of humor, even though I also grew up with British comedy (and still enjoy it).



Now, there you go ... getting all huffy. Spider, there's a lot of good in you but seriously, I think you need some people skills. Don't be so quick to cut everyone off; maybe if you didn't, more would "get you". Sometimes you seem to have this gigantic chip on your shoulder. Calm down a bit; no offense taken. No worries.

Well...are u expecting husband to do these 29 autistic activities??

Look, when I commented "This is why the Romans and Greeks were gay" on the article about the man who was castrated by his wife , you thought I was serious. You thought I was serious here. It's not a big deal and I'm not in a "huff". I didn't say I was going to "cut you off", just that I wouldn't make jokes about your posts. Just chill, no need for drama or a lecture.

I don't know what you can do. Other than keenly watching out for any tactic that works on your daughter.

I don't suggest manipulating her, but her moral and foresight as well insight age is at age two. She is more intelligent than age two. This presents you with a problem that can't be solved with pure speculation or with reading authorative literature.

You can, however, look out for her reactions, and see what works.

Sometimes one way of learning what gets through to her opens the door to more ways.

You can't be expecting improvement. This is hard to accept. Mental disease can't be improved. Over any length of time. The patient may feel better from year to year, in some of the cases, and he or she feels better each year than in the previous, but at age 57 his (my) life circumstances will not be different form my life circumstances at 22: a loner, unable to work, socialization problems, anger (which than god replaced depression), living in a rooming house in a room, fighting with any authority figure as I have a real hard time accepting control of others over me.

I used to say to my brother that I would make a very poor Nazi concentration camp prisoner, as I don't tolerate hunger very well, or other control-type abuse.

So I don't want to shatter your hope, but in all honesty I must.

This does not mean doom or defeat. You can revel in enjoying the love you feel for your daughter, and any love she may have for you.

You're not in the best of family situations, and not in the worst, either. At least you don't have a husband who beats you both coz he don't understand the situation. YOU understand the situation, which is much better than 80% of all people in your situation, and better than 65% of all people.

YOU are in control, which is reassuring, never mind the daily defeats of your having to pick up after your daughter and be a virtual slave to her so emotionally as housekeeperingly.

YOU love her, which is a great plus. Imagine if you did not.

YOU can reason yourself into staying calm and roll with the punches. The longer this goes on, the more used to it you will get.

YOU don't have to worry about harm done to her or to yourself. That's a great relief. If you had a boy with a tendency of uncontrollable violins, you would be audibly and irreparably damaged.

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Thanks wux. I have had an abusive husband; fortunately, not at the same time as my daughter.

Although I know that she can't be "cured", she can be taught to take care of herself. We've made a lot of progress in that area. And I do love her - unconditionally. She's taught me a lot.

I knew a woman socially, in your situation. She took care of her daughter, and she did until the daughter was in her fifties, and the mother, in her seventies. Her physical strength left her, and that's only why and when she left her daughter. The mother moved away, to the country, from Toronto, leaving her daughter with no forwarding address.

I assume there were some channels of communication left open, I don't know. If yes, I imagine that the mother made sure that one-to-one contact was fully in her own power to initiate, while leaving the possibility open for caregivers to contact her in short notice in case of emergencies.

The daughter was a pscyho, and was becoming worse and worse as she aged.

Wux,

Alterette was making a joke, comparing men to an autistic child. She already knows more than most about how to raise an autistic child.

Looks like you aren't the only one who isn't getting jokes today.

Happens to the best of us. Well not me, I have a great sense of humor, but everybody else.

Actually my profile may match there

The most I ever learned about people was from my cat Gypsy.

This is not a joke or a platitude, it's the truth.

(Jesus, not to say that your daughter is a cat. I meant to say that you learn when the teacher appears, and the teacher appears when the Bell goes. If he doesn't show up for at least seven minutes after the bell, you can throw ink bottles at each other, if you are bent on going strictly by the rulebook.)

These, among other disabilities are the children that I drive on my school bus; and also the ones that I work with CNA & HHA <second job> You parents of these "love bugs" <sweetest words I could think of> are saints to the fullest extent . God Bless you girl!